~Logan~
I followed Bling as he wove his way through the thick crowd of people.  I tried
to remind myself why I was here at all, it's not as if I can't go out and have
fun.  This is just not my idea of fun.  Observing the thick cigarette smoke
floating overhead, I tried to conceal a grunt of disapproval, but Bling caught
it anyways.
 
"Something buggin' you, Logan."  He smiles at me passively.  He does that a lot.
 
 
"Second hand smoke is not good.  You of all people should know that."  I did
feel the tiniest bit of guilt.  He's my friend, and he's trying to show me a
good time, but *here*?  Ugh.  I continued to followed him, trying to ignore the
stares that people were giving us, or rather *me*.  I suppose I am a little out
of place here.  Hell, I am a lot out of place here. 
 
I roll up beside Bling and catch his attention.  "I'm willing to bet that
there's some illegal activities going on here."  I can't help it, but I'm still
trying to hint to him that I don't like it here.  He is so hardheaded; doesn't
he see that I want to go home?
 
~Bling~ 
"I'm willing to bet that there's some illegal activities going on here," Logan
voice rung out beside me.  I hold back a chuckle.  That guy sure doesn't want to
be here.  I've been pretty good at ignoring his protests and complaining so far,
but they are starting to get on my nerves.  It's not like I physically pulled
him away from that computer of his, he came *kinda* willingly.  Truthfully, he
didn't know where I was taking him until it was too late and we were in the
parking lot.
 
I'm wondering myself why I am bringing Logan to this place.  It's obviously not
his crowd, he's more of the 'upper class' type.   But, still, he needs to cut
loose and I am just the guy to help him.
 
"So why did you drag me here?  And what is this establishment exactly?"  I can
detect the little bit of gripe in his tone.  I shake my head and slowed my pace.
 Sometimes I wonder why I even try so hard for this guy.  Sure, he's my
'employer', but I also consider him a good friend and friends make sure that
certain other friends don't sit at home and mope about a certain girl.
 
"This is a club, Logan.  You know...I'm sure you've read about then somewhere."
 
He glowered a little.  "You're funny."   
 
"And I 'dragged' you here because I thought that you might like the pleasure of
my company outside of the working environment."  I kept my voice its usual
evenness, but it had a light quality. 
 
Logan looked a little embarrassed.  He hung his head low and muttered something.
 
"What?"  I spoke up.  "Can't hear you."
 
"I SAID thanks, and I'm sorry, okay?  I'll try to be nicer." 
 
I smiled at him and his face started to get an statement of suspicion.  He
knows that I'm about to say something that he doesn't like.  I continue to grin,
can't disappoint him now, can I?  "I know I don't look as good in tight jeans as
someone else we both know, but I hope you'll put up with me for the evening." 
There it is, I can see his eyes narrow even more.  This guy is so amusing.
 
"Shut up, Bling.  Don't think that I won't fire you."  He stares off into space,
undoubtedly thinking of her.  "Uh, actually, I have to be back at my place
around six or so.  I told Max that I would be there and she said she'd be over
once she got off work."  He looks at his hands intently as I snicker at him.
 
"Well that leaves us only four hours to have fun."
 
Logan groans loudly.  "Only FOUR HOURS??" 
 
~Logan~
He's laughing at me.  He doesn't do a very good job at hiding it.  I breathe a
small sigh of relief as Bling finally stopped walking.  But then my hopes were
immediately squelched as he stands up to counter and orders two drinks. 
 
"I don't want anything."
 
"C'mon Logan, a little alcohol isn't going to tarnish your squeaky clean image."
 He looks at me teasingly.  I don't understand what's so funny.  Is my
discomfort funny?
 
"I just don't feel like drinking." 
 
"Okay."  Bling shrugged, and called out to the bartender and canceled one of the
drinks.  He leans back against the counter and looks at me.  "What do you want
to do?"
 
"Go home?"  I asked hopefully.
 
I saw him shake his head in annoyance out of the corner of my eye.  I scanned
the crowded area.  People were dancing, some were gambling, and others were
drinking.  Yup, lots of fun to be had here.
 
"You can try to have a good time, Logan."
 
"What are you talking about?"  I replied sarcastically.  "I'm having lots of
fun.  See this?"  I gestured my hands around.  I don't know what I was getting
at, but it seemed right at the time.  "This is me having FUN."
 
My complaining didn't seem to faze him in the slightest.  He just scrunched up
his face in concentration.  Then, just as I had feared, his face brightened and
he nodded to himself.  I can practically see the light bulb go off in his head. 

 
"Wanna gamble?"  He asked slyly.
 
Is he kidding me?  "Are you kidding me?"
 
"No, I'm serious.  You're a pretty smart guy.  Bet you're good with probability
and stuff.  With all your money, it wouldn't be too much of a financial burden."
 His voice was coaxing, which only made me more irritated. 
 
"No."
 
"Come on, Logan.  You said that you would *try* to have a good time."  Bling is
starting to get annoyed with me.  Good.  Then maybe he'd take me home.
 
"No, I said that I would be nicer."  I argued.  Although, I really haven't been
doing that.  Maybe he won't notice.
 
"You haven't been acting nicer."  Damn, so much for that.
 
I sulk.  "Well, how do you want me to act?"
 
"Like a guy who *appreciates* it when his buddy tries to show him a good time." 
Geez!  He had to go and make me feel guilty!  I'm not falling for it.  I am just
going to sit here calmly and not react, because that is exactly what he wants me
to do.
 
"I do appreciate it, man."  ERGH!  I am such a pushover.
 
Bling smiles and slaps me on the back.  "Great!  Now fork over the cash and lets
do some damage."
 
I eye him warily and hand over my wallet to him.  He grabs it and peers in.  His
eyes practically bug out. 
 
"You carry around this much cash?"
 
"Yeah, is that a bad thing?"  He looks at me as if I was the biggest idiot in
the world.  Considering that I just handed over five hundred dollars to him, I
probably am. 
 
"Well, Mr. Cale, you pick the place!
 
~Bling~ 
I watch as Logan hesitantly points to a table in the far corner.  It was pretty
quiet, well, as quiet as this place can get.  I can see why Logan picked it.  It
was the only table that wasn't swarming with women. 
 
"That's the table that you want?"  I wanted to make sure that he was sure.
 
"I don't *want* it but--"
 
"Okay!  So that table it is!"  I interrupted him before he could start whining
again. 
 
We crossed the big room relatively unscathed, but Logan did mumble a few
not-so-nice words under his breath.
 
When we reached the table, the occupants looked up at me.  "Hey fellas, Got a
few extra seats?"
 
I watched as they all evaluated Logan and me. 
 
"Yeah, but you sure that your buddy wants to play?" 
 
Logan did look a little weird with his conservative sweater and glasses amongst
guys with tattoos and piercings all over the place.  The defiant stare on his
face didn't help either.  I kicked his chair roughly. 
 
"Uh...Yeah, I'm in."  He said grudgingly. 
 
*****
 
~Bling~ 
"Aww!  What the hell?  How'd he do that?"  The guy in the middle known as 'Mike'
frowned as Logan collected the money.  If I didn't see it, I wouldn't have
believed it.   Logan was a poker genius. 
 
"Pure luck."  Logan replied modestly.  But then he slyly added "Or it could be
pure talent."  I chuckled.  After the first few games, Logan loosened up and got
into it.  I was silently gave thanks to whoever was responsible for it. 
 
"Another round!"  Bo, the thinning gruff guy next to me yelled out.  "You want
some this time, dude?"  He said addressing Logan.  I watched as he considered it
in his head.
 
"C'mon Cale!  You gotta have a little drinky!"  Lenny, from Logan's right piped
up.
 
"Yeah!"  I added my opinion too.  I was starting to feel a little left out. 
"It's just a beer, Logan." 
 
"Aren't you my physical therapist?"  He asked my, cocking his head to the side.
 
"What's your point?"
 
"Are you supposed to look out for my health and well being?"  He asked amusedly.
 
 "It's just a beer, man."
 
"But I have to drive you home later."
 
"Well, I haven't been drinking.  So I'll drive."  That's sounded pretty
reasonable.  My previous drink at the bar had been deserted.
 
I expected him to say no, just like he's been doing.  "Sure, why not?"
 
"Great!"  Lenny cried out. "Four more over here!!!"
 
~Logan~ 
I watched as the shock registered on Bling's face.  Honestly, this evening
wasn't *too* bad.  I look down at my winnings. 
 
"Guys, hate to break it to you, but I have all of your money."  I said
triumphantly.  I could hear groans from all the guys around me. 
 
"Hey, give us a chance to get our money back!"
 
I looked over at Mike.  "Playing poker?"  I laughed.  "You guys don't stand a
chance." 
 
He shrugged and looked around for our drinks.  "I'll go get 'em myself."  He
mumbled as he left the table.
 
"Then let's play a new game!" Bo spoke up.  Uh oh.  I don't like the sound of
that.  Maybe I should back out.
 
"Okay, what do you have in mind?"  Why did I just say that?  I must be crazy.
 
Just then Mike came back with our drinks.  He handed me a tall glass and I
looked at it uneasily.  All of them watched me in curiosity, Bling especially. 
He has a small smile on his face.  I'll show him.  I took a big gulp.
 
Eh...what was in that?  "That wasn't very beer-like."  I saw four identical
smiles staring back at me. 
 
"Got you something special, Cale.  Stronger."  Oh, great.
 
"You like?"
 
I pondered that question as I took another swig.  "Not bad."  They sure looked
happy.  "So what game are you guys considering?"
 
*****
 
~Bling~
"Heh heh, Pay up, Cale!"  Logan had a goofy smile on his face as he fished in
his pockets for a five-dollar bill.  Oh no, I knew I shouldn't have let him
drink so much.
 
"You got lucky that round, dude."  Logan addressed Bo.  Since when does Logan
use the term 'dude'?  We had been betting which man a particular female was
going to hit on next. 
 
"Hey, Logan?"  Mike asked curiously.
 
"Wha?"  Man, Logan's really hammered. 
 
"I was wondering, How'd ya get in that wheelchair?"  Mike's words slurred
together.
 

Logan chuckled.  "I was shot."  And he started to laugh some more.  Since when
was that ever funny? 
 
"Whoa...I got so much respect for you now, dude."  All the guys look at him in
awe.  I rolled my eyes.
 
"And you didn't before?"  I have to hand it to him, even in a drunken state,
Logan is still sarcastic. 
 
"Naw!  You're the greatest, man!"
 
"No, you're the coolest!"
 
"No, you are the coolest of the cool."
 
"No, you are."  Now it was just a love fest.  I cursed myself for not bringing a
camera.  Logan would *love* to see this when he's sober.
 
"Dude, Logan, you are the man!"  Lenny piped up as Logan took another swig of
his drink.
 
"I love you guys!"  Logan spread out his arms and gave Bo and Lenny a bear hug. 
"You too, Mike."  He reached around for Mike.  "And you, Bling!"  Uh oh.  I
tried to inch away but Logan caught me.  UGH!  Let me go already!  He's going to
pay for this later.  But I might as well start my revenge now.
 
"Hey Logan, won't Max get jealous?"  He had released the guys and was now
looking at me with a thoughtful stare.  Uh oh, now I'm gonna get it.  He is
going to return to his old self and bite back at me for insinuating anything.
 
"Hmmm..."
 
"Max?"  Lenny squeaked.  "Oh, dude, I didn't know you swung that way, not that
it's a bad thing.  Just that..."
 
Lenny's ramble was cut off by Logan's burst of laughter.  "You've got to be
kidding me!"  He struggled between gasps.
 
~Logan~ 
Oh, the room is so bright.  Heh, I'm kinda feeling floaty.  Lenny is soooo
funny!  "Max!"  I giggled out.  Aww, Max, my angel.  She's so beautiful.  I wish
she were here, right now.
 
"Max is female."  I heard Bling from across the table.
 
"Yeah, the most gorgeous female I've ever set eyes on."  I murmured.  The
statement on Bling's face is weird.  He's so weird sometimes.  He looks sort of
happy.  Hmm...why is he happy?  Bling's weird.
 
"Logan's got a girlfriend."  I hear Mike taunting me from my left.  I try to
hold back the urge to laugh again, but I can't.  I'm just so happy when I'm
thinking of her. 
 
I give in to fits of laughter.  "Did you hear him, Bling?"  He looked over at me
with that laughing look on his face.
 
"Yeah, I heard that."  He smiled at me.  But them he grimaces and looks down at
his watch.  "Logan, it's a quarter after six." 
 
"Soo?"  He's so weird!
 
"You are supposed to meet Max, remember?"  Oh yeah!  Oh, Max.  Gotta go see my
angel.  I started to laugh again. 
 
"But we aren't done here yet!"  Bo protested from across the table. 
 
"Well, I can't disappoint my boys!  Sorry Bling."  I can hold off seeing Max
until later, I hope.  She's soooo pretty.
 
"Logan!"  Uh oh!  Bling is starting to get annoyed with me again.
 
"I don't wanna go!!!"  I sat there with my arms crossed. 
"You don't want to see Max?"  Bling is so difficult sometimes!!!  "C'mon,
Logan."  He got up and started to pull me away from the table. 
 
"Hey, Bling, lay off the guy will ya?" 
 
"Thank you, Mike!"
 
Bling groaned and left the table.  I wonder where's he going.  Oh well.
 
~Bling~
I really do not like this.  At all.  Max is going to kill me.  Logan is going to
fire me after he returns to his normal self.  I'm dead.  Geez!!  I should pick
up the phone and call her, no problem.
 
Big problem.  She's going to kill me, or Logan.  Probably both.  I'm dead. 
Shouldn't have let Logan drink so much.  I'm so dead.
 
I hesitantly picked up the phone and held it to my ears while I cautiously dial
Logan's number.  Maybe she won't be there.
 
"Hello?"  Shit.  That's her.  She sounds kind of ticked off.
 
"Max!"
 
"Bling."  Ouch, her voice sounds a little mad.  "Where's Logan?"
 
"With me."
 
"He's late."  That's another zinger.  This girl is a little scary sometimes.
 
"Um...Max?  Promise me that you won't get mad when I tell you this."  I tried to
sound as calm as possible. 
 
"What is it?"  She growled into the receiver and I cringe even further.
 
"Logan is a little..." I hesitate.  I wonder if she is the type that kills the
messenger.
 
"Is what?" 
 
I can do this.  Just tell her. "He's a little drunk at the moment and he won't
go home.  I can't get him to go home and I think that is would help a lot of you
come down and help me drag him out of here."  There I said it.
 
"What?!"  That can't be good.  "Are you serious?" 
 
"Uh, yeah."  I shrink even further.
"I swear, Bling, if you are joking--"
 
"I'm not!" 
 
"Where are you at?"  Wow!  That wasn't so hard!  I easily give her the address.
 
"I'll deal with you after I deal with Logan."  Oh, great...
 
*****
~Logan~ 
Hey!  Bling is back!
 
"Where did ya go?"  I tried to sound sneaky, but it didn't sound right because I
laughed.  Oh well. 
 
"I needed to make a call."  He smiled at me. 
 
"Are you gonna tell me?"  It's too hard to concentrate on anything.  Maybe I
*should* go home.  Naw!  I smiled back up at him.
 
"I called Max." 
 
Really?! "Really?!  Great!  What did she say?"  Heh, Bling looks nervous. 
 
"She said that you're late."
 
"Well, I hope she understands."  Of course she will!  Because she is wonderful
like that.
 
"Max is your girlfriend, right?"  Mike sure liked to shout a lot.  I should talk
to him about that; give him a stern talking to.  I like my ears just the way
they are.  Ears!
 
"Right?"  Oh yeah!  He was talking to me!
 
"I wish!  She's an angel!"  Hey!  Did Bling just snort? 
 
"An angel, huh?"  Bling's looking at me weird again.  I wish he would stop that.
 
 
I nodded enthusiastically.  She *is* an angel.  "So what did she say?" 
 
"She's coming down here."
 
Whoa!  I almost fell out of my chair.  This is soooo great!  She's going to be
here! 
 
"Great!  Now we can meet the Missus."  I looked over towards Mike again. 
Doesn't he understand?  Max and I are not married.  Mike's a little slow.
 
 "Whatever, man." 
 
*****
 
~Max~
I can't believe that I'm in this hellhole.  Why did Bling bring *Logan* here? 
To make my life difficult, that's why. 
 
"Hey, Sweetheart!  Care to join us?"  I glanced over to the sound of that voice.
 Stupid idiot.  He'll be lucky if I don't kill him.  I'm in a bad enough mood as
it is.
 
"I have a name and it ain't Sweetheart."  I smacked away his offending hand. 
Yeah, rub your dumb hand. 
 
Where are they?  Stupid Logan.  Stupid Bling for bringing Stupid Logan here!  I
scanned the room and finally I spot them in the far corner.  Logan and Bling
were sitting with three other idiots. 
 
That's it, Max.  Take your time.  Let the boys sweat it out.  Bling finally
spots me.  Ooh, too bad for him.  He looks scared.  Serves him right for taking
Logan to this God awful place and letting him get drunk. 
 
I finally make my way to the table and stood behind Logan.  He doesn't even know
that I'm here.  He must be really out of it. 
 
"Hey!  Can *I* help you?"  Seems that Logan's new friend was as drunk as he was.
 Logan finally turned his head around.  Hey there.
 
"Max!  You're here!"  Wow, he sounded really happy to see me.  Must be the
alcohol. 
 
"Yeah, I'm here to take you home."  His face scrunched with confusion.
 
"But I'm not ready to go yet."  He's pouting.  That's new.
 
"Yes you are." 
 
"Yeah, Logan, listen to Max."  I shot a glare at Bling.  First he gets my boy
drunk, and then he dares to agree with me?  Wait...my boy?  Uh...I meant it in a
friendly, platonic way.  Definitely.
 
"I don't want to go!"  I can't believe this.
 
"You are going!"  I hate raising my voice. 
 
"Look, toots, Logan will come home later, okay."  No.  He didn't just say that.
 
"What's your name?"
 
"Um...Bo."  This guy is completely oblivious to reality.  He looked like he's
going to fall over any second. 
 
"Well, 'Bo,' my name's Max, not toots.  Butt out of my business!"  The guy was
barely registering what I said.
 
"Your girl is mean, Cale." 
 
I was about to smack the moron, but Logan caught my attention.  "No Lenny, she's
just perfect."  He looked up and beamed at me.  He took my hand.  He's pretty
adorable when he's drunk.
 
Wait.  NO!  I don't want him to look adorable and I don't *want* him to hold my
hand!  I couldn't make myself pull away, though. 
 
"And what are you looking at, Bling?"  I swear, if he gives me a hard time about
this later...
 
"Nothing, Max.  I'm looking at nothing."  Liar.
 
~Logan~ 
Aww!  Max is here!  This is wonderful!
 
"Ready to go home, now?"  She looked down at me with her beautiful eyes.  Maybe
I should go home...
 
"Logan is with us!"  Mike spoke up.  He thinks he's a tough guy, but my angel
can kick his ass with no problem.  Her hand is so soft.
 
"Did I ask you?"  Uh oh, she had that glint in her face.  She's mad. 
 
"I'm not sure."  I looked up at her.  I hope she doesn't get too angry with me. 

 
"C'mon Cale!  Your girl might be hot, but she ain't going nowhere."  I can tell
that Max is trying really hard to not make a scene because her cute little jaw
is all tight.  She's the best!
 
"I'll go now, Angel!"  Did I call her Angel out loud?  That's funny!  Hey, she's
looking at me pretty funny too.  I wonder what she's thinking.  She didn't say
anything about it.
 
"Really?  You'll go?"  Aww!  I can't resist that face.
 
"Yup!"
 
"Dude, Logan, you are sooo whipped!"  I don't know what to think about that. 
Maybe I am.  I don't care!  As long as Max is with me, everything is a-okay.
 
She started to pull my chair back.  I guess she forgot that I could do it by
myself.  Silly.
 
"Bling, you coming?"  She was looking, no, she was *glaring* at him.  Poor guy. 
She sure is gorgeous when she glares.  Bling got up and followed us pretty
slowly.  I think he's a little scared of Max.  I have no idea why. 
 
"Bye guys!"  I waved to Lenny, Bo, and Mike.  Hmm...that's weird.  They only
grunted and lifted their hands a bit. 
 
*****
~Bling~
I helped Max get Logan out of the car.  It was a little hard because he
struggled and laughed a lot.  He's going to get one hell of a hangover tomorrow.
 I hope I'm not the one around when he wakes up.
 
"Uh...Max?"  Her back was to me.  I just wish that I could see her face so that
I would know exactly how mad at me she was.
 
"What?"  Okay, that doesn't sound too much like an 'I'm gonna kill Bling' voice.
 
"I have to go.  I have an appointment with another client in an hour."  She
doesn't seem to be too mad.  I guess she's a little tired.
 
"Bling!  You're leaving?"  I can't help but smile.  So unlike Logan, but he is.
 
"Yeah, man.  I'll check on you tomorrow."  He seemed to accept that.  Hopefully
he'll be just as understanding when I come back in the morning and beg for
forgiveness. 
 
I looked over towards Max.  "Do you need any help getting him inside?"
 
"No, I can handle it."  Yup, still mad at me.
 
"I better go then."  I turned and headed towards my car.  Before leaving, I gave
Logan a little wave.
 
"Bye, Bling!!"  He sure is enthusiastic. 
 
*****
~Max~
I was pretty easy getting Logan up to his place.  But I don't know what to do
now that I'm here.  I can't really just leave.
 
"Are you sleepy, Logan?"
 
He shook his head no.
 
"Do you want to watch a little T.V.?"
 
Again, he shook his head.
 
"I want to stay up with you."  He murmured it quietly.  Geez, this is going to
be one long night. 
 
I walked over to the sofa nervously and sat down.  Logan was right behind me,
although he was a little uneasy with controlling his chair.  He sat opposite of
me and smiled that heart-stopping smile of his.  Yeah, it *is* heart-stopping.
 
"You're really beautiful, do you know that?"  He reached out and touched my
face.  I pulled back abruptly.  He looked a bit disappointed but he wasn't
discouraged.  I really don't know how to feel about all of this.
 
"Uh...thanks."
 
"My Angel."  I take a quick intake of air.  I still don't know what to think of
all this.  If I didn't know any better, I would think that his eyes were
sincere.  But he was just delirious.
 
"I'm no angel, Logan.  You of all people should know that."  I attempted to hide
my face from him but he stopped me by lifting up my chin.
 
Looking into my eyes he smiled and said, "You *are* an angel."  He moved in
closer. 
 
Oh my God.  He's going to kiss me.  Do I want him to kiss me? 
 
No.  Platonic, our relationship is strictly platonic.  Then why can't I move
away?  He is only being like this because he had a little too much too drink. 
This is unfair to him and to me.  I should stop this.  He's moving in closer. 
 
I can't move a muscle. 
 
Crap.
 
*****
~Max~
I watched as he moved closer to me, not understanding the feeling in my stomach.
 I don't know if I'm frozen in horror, or in anticipation.  This is wrong.  He's
Logan.  Yet, I still can't bear to move.  I want this.  He's so close right now;
all I have to do is lean a forward a bit.  I struggle with my conscious for a
few more precious moments before just shoving it to the back of my mind.  I'll
deal with the consequences later. 
 
"Max?"  He said it so gently that I almost want to cry out in frustration.  I
can tell that he sensed my hesitation.  The look in his eyes tells me that I can
back out anytime.  Funny, that just makes me want him more. 
 
"I'm okay."  I whispered it softly to him, and he seemed to accept that.  I
reached over and pull his head closer.  He's so close that I could smell the
faint scent of alcohol on his breath.  Logan closed his eyes, leaning in a
little closer, barely brushing my lips. 
 
That faint touch sent me reeling.  Oh, God.  I can't do this.  My eyes snap open
and I pushed him away.
 
"Sorry."  I was trembling.  I can't bear to look at him. 
 
"It's okay.  I understand."  Did he?  I barely understood it myself.
 
"Thank you, Logan."
 
"What's wrong?"  I don't get it.  How can he maintain so much control?  Does
this not affect him as much?  I looked up into his blue eyes.  He looked so
confused, and it's my entire fault.
  
"I can't Logan."  I tried to explain it as soothingly as possible.  "You're not
yourself right now and I don't think that it's a good idea to do something that
you might regret later."  I tried my best to swallow the huge lump that formed
in my throat. 
 
He takes a moment to digest what I just said.  I can't believe this.  One minute
he's acting insane and the next, he's almost acting like his normal self. 
 
"Why would I regret it later?"  He looked unbelievably serious.  Somber. 
 
I took a long look in his eyes.  I can tell that they are trying really hard to
understand but they can't.  He doesn't agree with me.
 
"You're drunk."  I couldn't help it.  I reached out and touched his cheek,
feeling the stubble beneath my fingertips.  He simply smiled and grasped my
hand.  He played with it a bit and ran his fingers lightly across my palm. I
close my eyes.  Doesn't he know what that does to me?
 
"I few drinks isn't going to change how I feel about you.  How I have *always*
felt about you."  He kisses my hand, and for a moment, I stopped breathing.  "I
love you, Max."
 
What?  No.  He's just thinks he cares that way about me.  I can't let this get
out of control.  Both of us will just end up hurt, and I can't bear to see Logan
hurt.
 
"You really love me?"  Why did I ask that?  I'm making it harder on myself. 
 
"Yeah."  He said it without a hint of hesitation.  He just has to be so sweet
about it.  This would be so much easier if he was being an ass like that rest of
the male population.  He watched me so unyieldingly that I seemed to shrink
under his intense gaze.
 
"Why are you looking at me like that?" 
 
"Was I staring?  I'm sorry.  I guess I just got completely lost in your
beautiful eyes."  He said it in a way that couldn't be mistaken for some clich�d
line.  His eyes conveyed only pure honesty.
 
"They're just regular eyes."
 
"No, they're perfect.  Like you."
 
God, I can't stand it any longer. 
 
Every bit of my resolve was broken.  I abruptly reached up and yanked his face
towards mine.  I saw the shock register on his features right before I kissed
him.  The slight pressure he put on my mouth as he started to respond almost
made me lose my mind.  Maybe I did.  I couldn't even think of a single coherent
thought.  All I knew was that particular moment was utterly perfect and I never
wanted it to end.  I held back a small moan as ran his hand up my back.  He
really has no idea what each touch does to me. 
 
I should stop this.  I should pull away and get the hell out of here.  But I
can't.  No matter how hard I have tried to fight it, he still got through.  Damn
him.  I can't control anything anymore and it terrifies me.
 
~Logan~
I can't believe that she is really here and that I'm really kissing her.  I
reluctantly pulled back to watch her face.  Despite her heavy panting, she
looked so lost and frightened.  I wish I could stop her from being afraid.  I
would do anything to make her happy.
 
"Are you all right?"  I leaned my forehead against hers.
 
"No, I'm not."  She said it gently so that she wouldn't hurt my feelings.  I
can't help but smile.
 
 I can tell that she's not okay.  She bravely attempted to smile.  I still can't
believe how much I love her.
 
"I love you."  There it is, a real smile. 
 
"I know."  She whispered to me.  I know that she's not ready to reply to it. 
I'm not even sure if she totally believes me.  That's okay.  Even in my foggy
mind, I know that she cares.
 
"You mean so much to me."  I murmured as I kissed her forehead.  I ran the tips
of my fingers across her smooth cheek.  She immediately froze.  I questioned her
with my eyes; I was asking if I was overstepping my boundaries.
 
She shook her head vigorously.  I can tell that this is too much for her. 
"Logan?"
 
"Yes?"
 
"I'm tired."  Her statement was melancholy.  I knew that she still has a lot to
sort out. 
 
"So am I."  I replied honestly.
 
She lets out a shaky breath.
 
"You can go home and get some rest.  I can stay here by myself."  I grinned a
little to show her that there were no bad feelings and that my feelings for her
will never change.  It's a lot to express in a little smile, huh?
 
Her flawless face hesitated as she asked shyly, "Can I stay here?" 
 
She looked so lost.  I would do anything to erase that look from her face.  The
fact that she wanted to stay with me made me completely ecstatic.  "Of course."
 
She nodded again and wrapped her arms around my neck.  I pull her towards me and
I can't help but think that this is how I want to be for the rest of my life.
 
~Max~ 
I don't remember how long Logan and I have been sitting there.  I just sat
there, unmoving, burying my head in his neck.  I still can't figure out what it
is that *I* want.  There's also the added trouble of him possibly not feeling
the same way.
 
Halfheartedly, I pulled away from him and watched as he smiled at me drowsily. 
The poor guy is really tired. 
 
"Logan, maybe you should go to bed now."  I placed my hands on his shoulders. 
I'm not ready to break contact with him yet.
 
"No, I'm fine.  I'm good."  He tried valiantly to stay awake.  He's so cute. 
 
"Uh uh, come on Logan, time to go to sleep."  I gently set him back into his
chair and rolled him to his bedroom.  When we got in the room, I peered at him
and saw that he was fast asleep.  I didn't fight the warm feeling that rushed
over me.  His head was falling to one side as he slouched in his seat. 
 
"Logan, you have to help me here."  I tried to coax him into slight
consciousness so that he would help me get him on the bed.  His head snapped up
with small recognition and he held out his hand.  After I got him settled, I
walked to the end of the bed and pulled off his shoes.  After removing his
glasses, I placed them on his nightstand so that he would be able to find them
easily the next day.  I resisted the urge to run my fingers through his hair. 
It might disturb his sleep. 
 
Taking one last look, I turned around to leave.  "Max?"  His low voice called
out from behind me. 
 
"Yes, Logan?"  I turned around to see that his eyes were still closed and he was
barely awake.
 
"Where are you going?"  He opened his eyes a little and looked at me sadly. 
 
"I'm going to crash on the couch."  I watched him as his eyes hesitated a brief
moment before speaking again.
 
"Can you stay here with me tonight?"  I smiled.  I wondered if he would ever
dare ask me that if he didn't drink as much as he did tonight. 
 
"I don't know if that's such a good idea.  There are still a few things that we
need to figure out and sharing the same bed might make things worse."  The
problem is that I really *wanted* to crawl in next to him.
 
He nodded in understanding before switching his statement to a sly one.  "I
*promise* to keep my hands to myself the *whole* night.  Please stay with me?"
 
I can't deny him anything when he pleads like that.  God, I'm in over my head. 
"Okay, but I don't want any roaming hands." 
 
His face adorably twisted into mock disbelief.  "I would never even dream of
it...well, actually, I have."  I threw a small pillow at his face.
 
I am grateful that the intensity has somewhat lessened, but something else
replaced it, a different kind of banter.  I think I like it.
 
I walked over to the other side of the bed and carefully pulled back the covers.
 I slipped in noiselessly and just lay there rigidly.  It was too hard to get
comfortable when I was so confused about my relationship with Logan.  We weren't
just friends anymore, but we weren't exactly something more either.  I heard
Logan's calm breathing next to me. 
 
"Max?"
 
"What?"  I wondered what he was thinking about. 
 
His hand sought out mine under the covers.  "Thanks for being there for me
tonight.  You really *are* my angel."  I literally melted inside.  It's hard
enough trying to figure out my own feelings without him interfering with his
sweet little comments.
 
"I'll always be there for you, Logan."  I couldn't tell for sure, but I could
have sworn that he smiled at me in the dark.
 
He squeezed my hand and I squeezed back.
 
"Are things going to be the same tomorrow?"  That's a good question. 
 
"I don't know, Logan."  I can tell that it wasn't an adequate answer, but it was
the best answer that I could give him.
 
"How do you feel about me?"  Why did he have to ask that?  This could very well
be the most difficult question that has ever been presented to me.  I don't have
an answer.
 
"I'm not sure." 
 
"It's okay.  I'm not going to pressure you to figure it out, you mean too much
to me.  I'll wait as long as you need, forever if necessary."  He's incredible.
 
I want to cry. 
 
He must have heard my muffled breathing and let the subject drop.  "We still
have tonight."  He reached over with his other hand and cupped my cheek.  I
don't deserve him.
 
"Yes, tonight."  I moved in closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. 
He responded similarly.  I can help but note how perfect I fit in his arms.  He
just felt so right lying next to me.  I don't think that I want this night to
end.  I took a deep breath, inhaling his faint natural scent. 
 
"Good night, Max."
 
"Good night Logan." 
 
He leaned over a laid one last sweet kiss on my lips.  "I love you."  I think
that I'm starting to enjoy that too much and I think that I might be starting to
get too used to it. 
 
Finally, I did something that I haven't done in the longest time.  I fell asleep
from emotional exhaustion.
 
*****
~Max~
I wake up to find myself curled up to the very edge of the bed.  Logan and I
must have drifted apart while sleeping.  I wonder if that's symbolic.  Not that
I actually believe any of that crap. 
 
He's still sleeping beside me.  Peacefully.  I wonder how long that's going to
last.  Inevitably, he'll wake up and want answers.  He probably won't ask for
anything outright, but his face will ask.  That just makes it suck more.  I
can't *blame* him, really.  I wasn't myself last night.  Just like he wasn't.
 
God, why did this happen.  What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?  I want
things to go back to normal.  Whatever normal was.  I want to be friends, just
friends. 
 
Wait.  Did I just answer *the* question? 
 
What do I want?  To be Logan's friend, that's all.  Then why the hell does it
hurt so much to admit?  I brought this on myself.  I wish I could turn back
time.  To stop that kiss from ever happening, one stupid mistake ruined
everything.
 
I should have known.  Love is some false unattainable idea.  It doesn't exist. 
I'm just as bad as every damn optimist.  I let myself go for one irrational
second, and I lose all sense.  This is not fair to him, but what can I do? 
 
Maybe, when he wakes up, we'll pretend that it never happened because it never
should have.  Everything's fucked up.
 
I can't do it.  I can't just lie here and wait for him to roll over and be so
damn understanding about the whole thing.  It only makes it worse. 
 
I have to get out of here.  I have to leave *now*. 
 
I slowly sit up and let the covers drop down.  If I leave now, he might wake up
later and think that it was all a dream, good.  Cautiously, I place my feet on
the floor and stood up.  He looks so still and innocent, not aware that I am the
worst person for doing this to him.  I better go fast, before I change my mind. 

 
Before I could go, he reached up and grabbed my forearm. 
 
"How long have you been awake?"  My voice sounds so dull and lifeless.
 
"Long enough." 
 
"How are you feeling?"  I mustered up as much sincerity as I possibly could. 
God, it sounds so false.
 
"I feel like my head has been smashed against a brick wall.  In other words, I
feel bad."  I nodded.  I didn't expect him to say so much so soon after he had
just woken up. 
 
"You were about to leave, weren't you?"  He knows. 
 
"Yeah."  I look back to him with vacant eyes.
 
"Can you just stay for a little bit more?  We need to talk."  Am I ready?  I
don't know if this is the best time.  He's looking pretty miserable himself.  He
probably regrets everything that he said last night.  It could always be the
hangover, though.  Yeah, right.
 
"I don't know if we should."  I'm a coward.  I can't even face this one little
thing. 
 
"It won't take long."  He looked up with seriousness. 
 
"You sure you up to it?  We can always chat later."  I'm doing it again. 
Avoiding the underlying meaning.  This isn't going to be just a normal 'chat'. 
 
"Yeah.  Let's talk."  He's really set on talking.  What can he possibly have to
say?
 
"Can we go in the other room?"  I don't think that I want to be having a
conversation with him in his bedroom. 
 
"Sure, go on out.  I'll be there after I swallow a bottle of Tylenol."
 
I chuckled a bit as I left the room. 
 
Shit. I'm so angry.  But then again, I always am.  This time, however, I'm mad
at myself.  I'm so screwed up.  What compelled me to give him the false hope of
us ever being anything more than friends?  I'm mad at myself because now I have
to hurt him. 
 
"Max?  You still there."  He rolled over in front of me.
 
"Yeah."  I sighed.  "What do you want to talk about?"  As if I didn't know. 
 
"Before I tell you, promise me one thing?"  He tiredly grinned at me.  He face
revealed that he is wary of this 'talk' also. 
 
"What do you need?"
 
"I need for you to not interrupt and to listen to everything that I have to
say."  Now what does he mean by that?  This is serious now.  Fuck.
 
"I promise."  I said it so quietly that I barely heard it myself.
 
He looked away for a moment while he collects his thoughts.  He body reflected
pain.  He was rigid and tight.  That must be one hell of a hangover.  He turned
back to me with that look of slight gloom erased from his face. 
 
 "Max.  About last night, I'm sorry." 
 
What the hell?  Well what did I expect, another declaration of love? 
 
"Max, I said some things that were�"
 
He paused, his face concentrating on finding to right word.
 
"�not fair to you."  He stopped again, watching me for any type of negative
reaction.  I was externally calm but inside, I was confused, tired, and maybe
even a little disappointed.
 
"I need you to know that it was a mistake.  Max, you and I are, well, we work
well together.  Changing a system that already works just asks for obstacles. 
I'm not ready to face any obstacles, and I don't think that you want them
either." 
 
He helplessly waved his hands around, hoping that I understood what he was
talking about.  I did.
 
"I obviously wasn't myself yesterday.  I certainly know that I'm not going to
repeat my actions anytime soon.  Like I said, I made a mistake.  So I guess what
I'm trying to say is that I think it's best if we forget that last night ever
happened."
 
I can't believe it.  After all my inner turmoil, it all gets resolved in the
end, and with barely any effort on my part.  It all just seems too easy.  What
do I feel now?  How much of a relief am I feeling?  Barely any.  It's sort of
sad, and it's sort of like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I guess
it's a bittersweet ending to a night that started off horrible, but ended good. 
Here we are, the morning after and we both decide independently that it was a
mistake and that it is best that we stay friends.  I can deal with that.
 
"I won't take up anymore of your time.  You should be getting to work."
 
Logan interrupted me from my private thoughts.  I am relieved actually.  Over
analyzing every freakin' thing leads me nowhere usually.  I can't help but feel
that there's something missing.  Like it is not resolved totally, not yet.  I
have to ask him, for the sake of my sanity.
 
"You don't love me, do you?"  I spoke low and I made it sound like a statement
rather than a question.  I wanted to make sure.  I didn't want anything to make
us uncomfortable around each other and this would be something that would.  It's
hard enough to continue without the added bonus of extra tension.   As hard as
the question was to ask, I asked it anyways.
 
God, that look in his eyes.  Those cool blue eyes look tortured.  He's probably
thinking of a way to let me down easy. 
 
"I care a lot about you, Max."  There.  Everything is resolved.
 
"I care a lot about you, too."  I can finally say *something*.  It wasn't the
best way to express my feelings, but it's the best I can do right now.  "I
better go.  Make sure that Normal doesn't have aneurysm."
 
"Bye."  He smiled at me, as I was halfway through the door.
 
"Feel better.  I'll check up on you after work.  Okay?" 
 
"Yeah." 
 
*****
~Logan~
I have been staring out of the window for hours.  The rain is sweet.  I never
thought that I would ever describe rain as 'sweet' but it sounds right.  It's
not pouring.  It's more misty and foggy outside, but I can see the little
sunrays poking in here and there.  Depicts my mood perfectly. 
 
"Logan?"  I turned to see Bling come back in the room carrying in some thick
concoction that he whipped up.  It's supposed to help me with my headache. 
 
"Hey Bling."  Poor guy.  He was terrified to even look me in the eye this
morning.  Or course I wasn't up to giving him a hard time.  I forgave him pretty
quickly.  It's not really his fault anyways. 
 
I told him everything that happened.  He listened with a sympathetic ear, but
didn't comment.  It's really best that way.  I don't think I can bear to hear
another person's opinion just yet. 
 
"Logan?  Can I ask you something?"  Uh oh.  I spoke too soon.  What can he be
wondering about?  I'm not going to like it.
 
"Sure." 
 
"You love her, don't you?"  I closed my eyes.  It still is painful.  Everything
from the last twenty-four hours comes flooding back to me.  I actually knew what
it felt like to hold her and to tell her everything without holding back.
 
"Yeah, I do."
 
"Then why?"  It's a very good question.
 
"She's not ready to hear it."
 
Bling merely nodded and pats me lightly on the back.  He's a great friend.  He
sensed that I needed to be alone and he left the room wordlessly. 
 
I'm thinking of her.  I usually am.  I guess I took the easy way out.  I said
exactly what she wanted me to say and she was too relieved to even think
anything else of it.  She's my friend and that's enough for now.  I can't help
but hope for something more, but not now, perhaps in the future when she can see
me as something more.  I love her so much.  I would do anything for her and if
she needs time, I'll give it to her.  Like I told her, I'm willing to wait
forever.  She's worth it.
 
THE END

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