We are saying goodbye. I am leaving. That used to be no big deal.
I just left all the rest of my friends in a pinch no problem, but this
hurts. He tells me I’ll be ok. I say I know it is him I am worried
about. I can’t stay. I know that, but I don’t want to go. I can’t look
at him. If I do, I’ll cry. Crying is a sign of weakness and I can’t
afford to be weak now.
     He won’t look at me either. I think it hurts too much. He says
he’ll miss me. God, why did he have to say that? I’ll miss him too.
This sucks. I can’t just walk away. I want to, but I can’t. I was trained
to, and I can’t. Come with me is the gist of what I tell him. I hate that I
can’t be without him. I want to stay. I have a life here, with him.
     He won’t come. “I’ll just slow you down,” he says. “It’s ok,” I
say without a second thought. I don’t mind. I don’t mind that is what is
scary. I don’t mind his arrogance or flaws. I just want him with me. He
has to stay for the downtrodden, the cause. He couldn’t come. I know
that. I just don’t want to go, but I have to.
     I have to get out of this car or I will go to pieces. I go for the
door. “Take care of yourself,” he says. “You too,” I say. I walk around
the car. I am almost to the door. A few more steps. No. It can’t end
like this. I turn around and go back. I will show him how I feel. He
looks so confused. I kiss him, holding his head. He kisses me back. He
cares for me I know. Now I know he is aware I care for him. He looks
into my eyes, we see each others pain. He looks at my eyes, then lips,
and then face. He doesn’t want to let me go.
     “Just go,” he says to remind me I have to leave. It hurts so
badly. I turn from him and don’t look back. I can’t. If I did, I would never
leave. I am inside the safe house. He hasn’t started the car yet. We
both know it’s over…

     Zach tries to convince me that he understands what I am going
through. How he wants the same things I do. He wants friends and people
to connect with. It was as if the speech was more for him then me. I
think he might want those things with me. I don’t want that with him. I
don’t want to think about it…

     I wake up with a shot. There is something wrong with Logan. I know
it. I can feel it. I call to check on him. I get a friend. I want to
talk to Logan. He is busy. I hear background noise. They are at a
hospital. Why are they there? He has been having problems I am told.
Where are they? Metro.

     Zach will try to stop me. Logan needs me. Zach does not want me to
go back. I will get caught he thinks. I will never be free if I go
back. Logan needs me. He has given up. I know he needs me. I will fight Zach
to get to Logan. I will risk myself for him.

    I arrive at the hospital. He needs blood I am told. They don’t have
anymore to give him. I will give him the blood he needs. I don’t care
how much as long as he is ok. That is all that matters. This might be
what love is, sacrificing ones self. “You die on me I’ll kick your
ass,” I say as I look at him unconscious. I cry. Tears run down my cheeks. My
moment of weakness. If I get caught it doesn’t matter, just as long as
he is ok. You have to be OK….