Title: Thoughts from the
car (Logan)
By: Joy
Rating: G
Spoilers: Blah blah…Woof
woof
Summary: Blah blah…Woof
woof
Disclaimer: Not my
characters
This is it. I am dropping her
here. I don’t want to but I have to.
She is going, going with him. She is reluctant. I tell
her she will be
ok. She says it is me she is worried about. I know she
cares. She looks
like she is in so much pain. I have to say something
to let her know
how I feel. “I’ll miss you” is all I can manage. This
is so strange. I have
only known her for a few months. It hurts deep in my
chest. Why?
I am waiting for her to say
she will miss me too or she cares
about me. Something. We just sit here in silence. She
looks like she might
cry but I know she won’t. I want to make it better for
her. I can’t even
look in her eyes right now or she will see the pain I
am in.
She says I can come with her.
Meet new people; see exotic places.
I laugh. Me, a paraplegic go with her and wonder boy.
He wants her to
himself. I’d slow her down. I tell her so. She says that’s
ok. She
doesn’t mind, but I do. I mind if I got her caught. I
mind being a
third wheel to the super twins. But still she wants me
there. She doesn’t
want to leave. Not just here, but me. She doesn’t want
to leave me. She
can’t stay for me.
I have to go back: the downtrodden;
Blah Blah woof woof I say.
That she will understand. Greater good and junk like
that. That will make
sense in her mind. Every time I look at her it hurts
more. I look at my hands. I can’t
stand to see her pout. I hate that she is hurting.
She moves to leave. She is really
going… “Take care of yourself” I
say. “You too,” she says. We are more to each other than
this. I feel
like I have a chest wound. I ache. I watch her walk away.
She stops &
turns around. She is walking back to me. What is she
doing? Her eyes
are filled with emotion. She kisses me, holding my head.
Her lips that I
have longed for are now on mine. She cares for me deeply.
I kiss her
back. I don’t want her to go. I hold her head, kissing
her long and
hard. I look into her eyes, touching her cheek. She is
looking into my
soul. It hurts so much. Don’t go! Don’t go. She doesn’t
want to leave.
She has shown me her feelings for me. I hold her face.
“Just go,” I say. I look into
those eyes, then at those lips,
memorizing her face. I hold her tight then let her go.
I hold my breath
as I watch her walk away. She doesn’t look back. I swallow
hard. She is
really gone…
Back at my apartment, I stare
at the rain. She is gone. My friend
tries to comfort me with teas. I suggest drugs. We watch
the rainfall.
Maybe she is watching it too. I hurt. I miss her. He
can tell. He says
I could go with her.
She is too young and I am too
crippled. She would tire of me
quickly. She needs to be able to go in a heartbeat and
I cannot. It was
right to let her go I say. For a thousand different reasons
and I
always do the right thing?
It sucks. I want to be with
her. I want her here with me. I miss
her. I don’t want her gone from me. Now what do I have?
A crusade. A
crusade without her. That is nothing. My heart aches.
I have nothing
now, now that she is gone.
I give in. I give up. I will let my pain take me.
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