He
had that music playing again. In his apartment, last time I went to see him.
We were both just standing there, listening for a few minutes. He knew I was
there, and just let it play. Why couldn't he have been quiet at the
hospital, letting me force out the words that were only half-mine. The left
side of my brain warning I hadn't thought I would ever see him again when I
kissed him so there wouldn't have been repercussions, the right reminding he
kissed me back. But, then he never kissed me again. Or hasn't yet.
I
feel like like a falling star. More of me is unstable the closer I get. I'm
losing pieces of me. But which pieces? My ability to run and hide? My
unwavering solitude? Didn't I lose them already? To my friends, and even my
job? Logan isn't the only thing claiming parts of me. I lost my nice, solid,
enigmatic brother figure. Zack and me couldn't have worked. I said it when I
found out who he was. I hate what I can't change about me, and I'm getting
as far as possible from what I did. I don't want someone like me. Someone
who can't really laugh, who doesn't know the other definition of security,
who might need to never have been there at a millisecond's notice.
A
meteor is also most likely to hit an ocean, plunge into dark depths that
immediately extinguish it and make it just another rock in an ocean. If I
crashed into the scared, reclusive Logan who had a seriously fucked-up
divorce, I'd never see him as the sweet guy who badgered his Social Services
friends to get a woman he'd never met and I only briefly out of this
country. Or the paradoxical brain who hates heights and lives on the 22nd
floor and wants to save the world but wouldn't let me help him back into his
damn wheelchair. I almost fell over laughing, realizing what must have
happened to be sitting with his legs crossed and how dumb he was. I hate it
when he calls me 'military-issue' or 'genetically engineered'. Reminds me
way too much of Lydecker. I didn't know Lydecker had a name until we
escaped. Everyone older than us was "Sir!". Manticore sure didn't
gender discriminate. Sometimes, I wonder what else would have happened to us
if we'd stayed. I have reproductive organs, I get my period. Were they
planning to breed us? It must've cost millions to do all that genetic
encoding on 72 fetuses. I know we didn't all make it, so who got shot and
who was taken back? Lydecker probably tortured the twice-prisoners to see if
they knew where we were headed, then killed them. God knows how my (and a
normal human's) baby would turn out.
I
need Logan to find answers for me. About my questions. Some, I think he
knows the answers. And I'll find them out eventually. Judging by the way he
kissed me back.
Sooooo
you guys like it? All comments welcome!
