Note:  This just proves studying Hinduism can suddenly become writing fanfic. 

          Written in haste for 30 minutes so I could just get it out of my system. 

          You've been warned. ;)

***

I wanted her eyes to be the same.

The girl I used to know has changed drastically, but I wanted to think

Max still had the same bottomless dark eyes that had captured me years ago.

Of course, it took me years after the escape to figure it out.  That I

had...this so-called feeling for Max, one of my Manticore sisters. 

Against the training, a liability for my survival.  It was unthinkable at

first, and extremely irrelevant. I believed it to be so.  I forced myself to think

so even when the desire to find her had been driving me nuts.

When I finally found her in Seattle, I didn't find the same girl I'd longed to protect. Instead of the little girl who used to look at me with the eyes that shone with absolute trust, I've found a head-strong *woman* who can take care of herself, who'd defy the rules we'd been trained by, who actually had a life.  A woman who'd found a life that she wanted to keep.

And that life didn't include me.

But, as it turned out, it did include this man named Logan Cale.

Should've seen that coming.  It was pretty obvious from the beginning.

The little gestures, expressions, the whole "You'll take care of her,

right?" statements.  He turned out to be pretty competent too, to my greatest

annoyance.   Was doubtful of his helpfulness when I first laid my eyes

on him--with a laptop on his lap, sitting in a wheelchair like he belonged

in that little office for life...yeah, sure, he'd be a great help, I thought.

The trouble was, Max seemed to belong at his side just so...naturally.

And I wasn't playing word games when I said he was the greatest threat

to her safety.  I was right, of course.  She just *had* to go back to 'be

there for him' even at the expense of her freedom.

I admit that for a while there, I was even grateful to Lydecker for

putting up her pictures everywhere.   She was coming with me because of it, not staying in Seattle with him.  Then I thought I had a chance to win her

over.   Didn't matter how irrelevant emotions and feelings were.   I

just...wanted her eyes to be the same like they used to be at nine.  I wanted to see her trusting, faithful eyes again.  The faith in me.

The stupidity of hindsight.

Her trusting eyes now belong to Logan Cale.

It didn't matter to her that she had to fight me in order to get to him.  It didn't mean squat to her.  I don't mean squat to her.  Oh, sure, she thinks of me as her former CO, her big bro who'd take care of her.  But that's all.

So what could I do?

Protect her.

I committed the crime anyway. Didn't think I had a conscience, but when

it comes to my siblings, my responsibility beats my survival instincts.

When it comes to Max, my responsibility beats the survival instincts.

I know I can never say 'no' to her.

I saw the glimpse of her when they dragged me into the car.  She was

out free, and probably--shit, certainly--on the way to see him.  And her

eyes... what did I expect to see in them anyway?  They weren't filled with

faith or trust.  They were only expressing her guilt.  That wasn't exactly what

I wanted to see.  But I'm dead sure that's only what I'm gonna get.

The helicopter's gonna land soon.  No one has noticed I've broken free

of the cuffs.  This should be a piece of cake.  Using a parachute never

was my strong suit, but I'll deal.

I will come back to Seattle someday.  Maybe I'll see Max again if she

needs help.  But that's it.  My feelings just became irrelevant.

My moment of weakness has ended as of now.

<end>

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