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Chapter Seven: Beginning

�Fuck!� Logan yelled as he tried to grab the pan off the burner, but it was hot and burned his hand as he grabbed it. He dropped the pan and the chili went everywhere. He then grabbed a towel to clean it up and a glass jar that he had just bought, went with the towel and broke on the floor, spilling its contents everywhere. He then started picking up the glass and shard cut his hand. �Fuck!�

With that shout both Cindy and Kendra came running in. �Are you okay?�

�Do I look okay?� Logan yelled. It was obvious to both of the girls that he was emotional wrecked. He sat there with the glass in his hand and leaned against the cupboard, his head in his knees and just started crying. He looked up at the two girls and asked �How could she do this to me? How could she have just left me?�

Cindy knelt down and sat next to Logan. The eye contact between the two girls communicated that Cindy was going to stay with Logan and Kendra should check on Max. They had both heard the conversation through the doors, except the last portions when Max and Logan weren�t screaming at each other.

Logan just kept crying and Cindy did her best to hold him. �I loved her, didn�t she know that?�

�She knew that. She did. She loved you two that was why she left. She loved you so much.�

�I would have done anything for her.� Logan cried, he hated feeling this way, it was like he regressed back to the moment when he first read the letter.

Cindy stayed for a while longer just listening to Logan. He then told her that he was fine and that she should go. When she left, he went to his office and picked up a book, opening it to certain page where there was a piece of paper. It was the note that Max had written to him. He then went into the living room and stared out the window with the note in his hand, crying some more.

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Kendra opened the door to Logan�s bedroom and slipped in. It was dark and she could see Max starring out the window.

�Hey, how you doing?� Kendra asked. Max just stared, tears were streaming down her face. Kendra walked over to her and knelt beside her. �He didn�t mean any of it. You know that right.�

Max turned and looked at her. �Yes, he did. He meant every word.�

�Max ...�

�He did Kendra. He meant everything he said out there. I am selfish, I do run and I�m going to be a horrible mother. He�s right. I was planning on running on this kid. I am too selfish to have her. She is going to hate me, just like he does.�

�Max, he doesn�t hate you and your not going to be a horrible mother. You aren�t as selfish as you like to think you are. You didn�t run for you, you ran for her and him. You ran to protect them. He knows that, he does. It just hurts him still.�

�I thought I was doing what was right. I thought that if I ran then they both would be safe. All I want is for this baby to be safe. Kendra, its all I have.�

�Max, its not all you have. You have Cindy and me and you do have Logan. We all love you. It always hurts the most with the ones you love.�

�I ruined everything though. He thinks I should kill her.�

�What?� Kendra asked shocked.

�He asked me why I didn�t kill her sooner or if I was planning on doing it after she was born. He thinks I could kill her.� Max started crying.

�He didn�t mean that Max. He was angry and people say stupid things when they are angry, very stupid things. He wants this baby just as much as you do; he�s just scared, like you.�

Max looked out the window and wiped her eyes. �Is he okay?�

�You mean those loud sounds?�

�Yeah.�

�Yeah, he just dropped a pan.�

�Oh.�

�Are you going to be okay?�

�Yeah. How are you?�

�I was good, but now I am worried about my best friend.�

�I�m fine.�

�You sure, Cindy said that baby has been playing soccer with you.�

�She�s okay. Just think she�s anxious to come out and be in this oh so fun environment.� She smiled at her friend. �I don�t know what I would do if I lost him.� The simple truth was painful.

�You aren�t going to lose him. If you haven�t lost him, yet. You aren�t going to lose him now.�

�You promise.�

�I promise.�

�Kendra?�

�Yeah hon?�

�I think that I am going to try to sleep.�

�Okay, you want me to leave?�

�Is that okay?�

�Sure, I�ll just go meet Cindy at the Crash and we�ll talk about you two.�

�Thank you.�

�No worries. Here let me help you into bed.� Kendra helped Max get out of the chair and helped her get out of the overalls. Then she crawled into bed. Kendra placed a pillow under Max�s stomach and covered her with the sheet. �Do you want the comforter?�

�No, I get to hot.� Max simply said.

�Okay. You two sleep. Everything is going to be fine.� Kendra kissed Max�s forehead.

�Kendra?�

�Yeah.�

�I love you.�

�I love you too, Max. Get some sleep.� She smiled and walked out of the room.

Logan was busy cleaning up the kitchen. He looked up when Kendra came out.

�How is she?�

�She�s sleeping. And what the fuck was this about her killing the baby?� Kendra wanted an explanation for that.

�I got angry and it just came out.� Logan admitted.

�Do you actually want her to do that?�

�God, no. I just ... I guess I just wanted to hurt her.�

�Well you were successful.� Kendra replied. �Where is Cindy?�

�She left.� Logan couldn�t quite make eye contact with her.

�You will call if anything happens right?�

�Yeah.�

�And if you hurt her again. I swear I will cause you the most unimaginable pain, you hear me.�

�I understand. I�m sorry Kendra.�

�I�m not the one you should be apologizing too.� Kendra was mad at him and she wasn�t going to forgive him that easily. She was not going to let anyone hurt her friend, especially not Logan Cale. She grabbed her bag and left the apartment.

Logan just stood there. She was right. He shouldn�t have said that to her. He hung his head and rubbed his eyes. This was all like some badly warped dream. He walked into his room and watched Max as she lay there sleeping. She looked so fragile and little, lying there. Her back was turned to him. The sheet was only half covering her backside. He could see parts of her skin that weren�t covered by material. She was always so soft, he remembered. He slightly rubbed the bone, trying to massage. He then moved his hand to the opposite side and laid it on her belly. He rubbed his hand over the naked, stretched skin. He could feel the baby move under his hand. It was like she was moving towards him, trying to get closer. He watched as Max�s eyes popped open. Logan started to remove his hand, but Max grabbed it quickly.

�Don�t.� She whispered, holding his hand. �Stay with me.� She said simply, still looking out at the rain.

Logan sat on the edge of the bed, still a good distance from her.

�Lay with me.� She asked. So Logan laid down next to her on his side. Max backed into him, allowing them no distance apart. She then took the hand that had been holding Logan�s and moved it to his legs, pulling them slightly up towards hers, so that they were in complete contact. She then moved her legs entwining them with his. She then went back holding his hand as he rubbed her belly. She could feel his breath on her neck.

�I�m sorry for what I said.� He whispered.

�Me too.� She replied.

�I was just so hurt. I missed you.� Max could hear the words choke out of his mouth as he started to cry.

�I missed you too.� She answered holding him tighter. �I�m sorry. I�m so sorry. I was just so scared. I didn�t know what to do. I thought that they would follow you or hurt you if you came after me. I was so scared that the two of you would be hurt. I remember what they did to Zack to find me. I was not going to let that happen to you two.�

�You should have told me. I could have helped.�

�I was too scared. All I could think of was protecting you two and the only way I know how to do that was to run.�

�Tell me about when we were apart.�

�At first, I didn�t know where to go. I knew that I needed to get far away. So I went to Quebec.�

�You went to Quebec?�

�Yeah, but I only stayed there for a couple of weeks. I then started back west and spent some time in various other small towns on the way.�

�Where did you get the money?�

�I sold my bike.�

�You sold your baby.�

�No, I sold my bike. Besides I don�t think I could have actually fit a car seat on it.�

�Did anyone from Manticore find you?�

�Zach tried once I think. At least somebody placed in ad in the paper with my barcode.�

�Did you see him?�

�No I left. I didn�t want anyone to find me. Kendra and Cindy didn�t even know where I was until I got to Vancouver. I was about six months then and I figured that I needed to settle down soon. So I moved into this small apartment and got a job down the street at a coffee shop. I tried to stay as low key as possible. If anyone asked about the daddy, I just told him that he used to beat me up a lot and I was running away from him. And that I was still scared that he would find me. You wouldn�t imagine how supportive people are with that story. So whenever cops asked, they would always act like they didn�t know anything. Now you.�

�Well, let see. I was devastated at first. I didn�t do anything for weeks and then I started throwing myself completely into my work. About four months ago, Cindy convinced me to go out and I did and I was shocked to find out that it was okay. The pain started dulling. And then I ran into to Erin again and we started seeing each other.� Max closed her eyes as he said this. Logan pulled her tighter and rubbed her belly. �We didn�t sleep together. It wasn�t like that. She wanted it to be, but I just couldn�t. It was too soon.�

�Why didn�t you just say that?�

�Because it was none of your business and I was not going to talk about my sex life in front of Cindy or Kendra. Besides Erin was always uncomfortable about the fact that we weren�t having a sexual relationship. I think she always told people that we were.�

�Why didn�t you?�

�Because I was still in love with this woman, who was out there somewhere and I always had this dream that one day she would come back to me. I didn�t want to have to explain about how I still loved her, yet I cheated on her.�

�But I left you.�

�It doesn�t change the fact that I loved you.�

�When I first figured out about the baby I was so scared. I had been getting so sick. I was worried that there was something wrong. I still am worried that something will go wrong. I had all of this time on my hands to worry. So instead of thinking about all that could go wrong, I started thinking about what I was going to do after the baby came. The one thing I knew was that she wouldn�t be safe with me. If Lydecker ever found me, he would find her. And I am not about to let that happen. So I had this plan.�

�What was it?�

�I was going to leave her with a couple. Somebody who I thought matched that �Ozzy and Harriet� type. Someone who would love and cherish her.�

�Just any couple?�

�No, I was going to be very methodical about who it was going to be. I started researching people. But then as the months went on and I started to really become attached to this one, I realized I couldn�t do it. I couldn�t just leave her with some strange couple.�

�So what were you going to do?�

�I was going to come back here after she was born and break in during the middle of the night and leave her with you.�

�Max.�

�No listen. You are the only person in this world that I would trust. I know that you would love her as much I do, no matter how much you hated me.�

�I don�t hate you.�

�I know. I also knew that you would make a wonderful father, the doting kind. I want her to know you, I want you to raise her just like your parents raised you, so she had some shot at being normal. I want her to know what it feels like to be loved and to grow up knowing no matter what you always be there.�

�I would love her, just like I loved her mother.�

�Logan?�

�Yeah.�

�I need you to promise me something?�

�Anything.� Logan was quite sure if he wanted to hear what she was going to say.

�I know that the doctors are worried about me physically going through the labor. I know that Sam thinks there is a chance that I won�t live ...�

�Max, don�t talk like that...�

�Logan, I need you to promise me that if anything happens to me, that you will take care of her.�

�Max, nothing is going to happen to you.�

�Promise me?� Max was crying.

�I promise, but nothing is going to happen to you.� Logan held her tightly trying to give him any of his strength. He could feel how scared she was.

�Max, I will love you and I will love this baby no matter what. You hear me.� Max kissed his hand.

�I love you.� She said simply.

�I love you too.� They laid in silence for several minutes. Logan contemplated what he was going to ask her. He needed to know. �Max, I know that you are probably hate me for asking. But I need to. And it doesn�t change anything about how I feel about you or the baby. I love you both. I just need to know. I hate asking this. Max, who is the baby�s father? I mean the biological father?� He didn�t hear anything. He thought maybe she was contemplating or something. �Max?� He then heard a slit snore and pulled himself up to look at her, she was sleeping soundly. She hadn�t heard him. He closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Hours later a pain shot through Max�s entire body and she woke up, immediately.

Chapter 8