Chapter Four: Emotions.
Max had gotten up after Kendra had left the room. She wanted to go get
something to eat and maybe talk to Logan. She knew that she had to do it, no
matter how scared she was. Part of her was still angry at Cindy and Kendra for
bringing her here. But then she knew that it was the only safe choice. Anyway,
as she walked towards the kitchen, she heard Kendra and Logan talking. She could
hear it in his voice, his detachment. She quietly walked backed into the bedroom
and into the bathroom. She needed a shower. As she turned the water on, she
could feel the warmth come from the water. She slowly removed her clothing and
stepped in. The moment the heat hit her body, the emotions came pouring out. She
kneeled against the wall, letting the water hit her body, she pulled her legs up
as close as they could get to her swollen belly and cried.
She had lost him. She could hear it is his voice. What had she expected? How
many times could she have left him with no word and expected his forgiveness?
Somewhere in the back of her head she had imagined that she would come waltzing
through his front door with their baby in her arms and he would welcome her back
with open arms. But that didn�t happen and that wasn�t what was going to
happen. The reality of the pain that she had caused was ripping her apart. These
whole nine months she did for him, but he would never understand and how could
she expect him too.
The realization that she had screwed everything up. She should have been honest
with him from the start. She shouldn�t have become emotionally attached, Zach
was right about that one. She had become too attached to everything and was so
scared that at any moment Lydecker would come in and steal everything that she
loved away and it would be her fault.
She had originally planned that after the baby was born she would find a loving
family and leave the baby on their doorstep. Some �Ozzy and Harriet� couple
who would love and cherish her child. But as the months went on and her
attachment grew to the life moving inside of her, she couldn�t imagine
actually going through with it. She had finally decided that she would come back
to Seattle. And sometime during the night sneak into his apartment and leave
their child with him. She always had known that the child wouldn�t have been
safe with her, but it would have been safe with Logan. And Logan would be a
wonderful father, he would protect her and cherish her. She knew that her baby
needed to be with her father. Nobody would expect this aloof bachelor to have a
genetically enhanced child.
Max said a silent prayer as she thought this. �Please let this baby be all
right. You can do whatever you want with me. Just please protect this child.�
Max sat in the shower for minutes just letting the hot water beat down of her
tired body. She dazed in and out of consciousness before she finally woke up and
turned off the water. As she left the shower she was surprised to find a fresh
towel waiting for her and fresh clothes to change into. She wrapped the towel
around her self and dried off her body. Then she took the shirt and opened it
up. It was one of Logan�s button-down shirts. It draped over her body becoming
more of a dress than a shirt. There were a pair of boxers sitting there also but
they were way too big and Max decided that she would be more comfortable
without. She smiled for a moment thinking that it was just like Logan to do
this. That smile suddenly vanished as she remembered the conversation she had
heard. Logan hadn�t done this, Kendra had and the sadness returned.
Max walked out of the bathroom and crawled right back into bed. She knew that
the doctor wanted her to eat. But she was simply too tired and all she wanted to
do was sleep. She rubbed her stomach as she closed her eyes. The baby had been
very active all day and she wanted it to calm down some so she could sleep.
Sometime later that night, Max remembered Kendra and Cindy kissing her forehead
and saying that they would be back after work. She also remembered hearing Logan
come in and sitting beside her, staring at her. For a moment, he put his hand on
her belly. She smiled and he quickly removed it and left the room. Max drifted
back to sleep after that.
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In the early morning, Kendra and Cindy had knocked on his door to let him know
that they were leaving for work. They made him promise to call if anything came
up. He heard the front door shut. Bling had left earlier in the night, letting
him know that he would be back first thing in the morning. Logan stared at the
computer screen as the silence enveloped him. This was the first time that he
had been alone with Max.
He quietly got up and walked into his bedroom. The lights were out, but you
could still see due to the lights of the city. If he had been in a better mood,
he would have enjoyed the picturesque scene as he watched the woman he loved
sleep in his bed. But he wasn�t in a good mood. He quietly pulled a chair over
to the bed and sat down. Max had turned over facing the edge of the bed and now
Logan. Her eyes were closed and peaceful. Her stomach was resting on a pillow.
The rest of her body looked so small compared to her swollen stomach, but even
Logan knew that the stomach wasn�t swollen enough for eight months. The
thought angered him. How could she be so selfish with this child? She should
have taken better care of herself. That was just like Max to care only about
herself.
He sat there, staring at her. All of the anger was so slowly dissipating and
confusion was setting in. How could she not have told him? He had always thought
that she had trusted him. But she didn�t trust him enough with her child. He
fought the urge to wake her up and start yelling, demanding answers. Why had she
run? She should have asked for help, he would have given it to her, willingly,
no matter what. He would have done anything for her, didn�t she know that? He
would have helped her raise her child as his own.
�Damn it!� he thought. Who was the father of this child? Was it Zach or some
strange guy that she had picked up? He knew that she had gone through her
�heat� right before they started being together. So it must have been then,
when she got pregnant. A brief thought passed through his head for a second, but
he quickly brushed it away, maybe he was the father. No, if he had been the
father than she would have told him. She would have, she wouldn�t have been
afraid to tell him. She would not have taken his child away from him. No matter
how selfish she was, he knew that she wasn�t that selfish. The only thing that
made sense was that she was ashamed and afraid to tell him that she had let
another man touch her. That was the only thing that made sense.
He closed his eyes and tried to fight back the tears that were starting to form.
He remembered their first night together and the tenderness that she showed him.
He had never imagined that she could be so loving. He remembered reading in a
book when he was younger about how making love was the sharing of two souls. He
always believed that to be poetic exaggeration until that night. For him sex had
always been purely physical. But that night, it was something more. He
remembered the feeling of connection when he was inside her. The look she had in
her eyes told him that she felt it two. They watched each other as their bodies
became one and converged. He remember how Max�s legs tightened around his hips
as he started to leave her after they had climaxed. She simply said �no� and
he knew that she wanted him to stay connected with her a little while longer.
They stayed like that until she went to sleep and then he had slipped out of
her. He remembered the sudden loss that he felt, she felt it too because she
tried to move burrow closer to him, if that had been possible. He remembered the
whimper that she had made when he had made that simple action.
They made love several times after that each with the same amount of passion and
love. He truly had never believed it possible to love someone so much. Maybe
that was why it hurt him so much when she left. But now here she was with a
child. His Max was going to be a mother. Logan gently placed his hand on her
stomach and to his surprise he felt the baby move. He then saw Max smile in her
sleep and the hurt instantly came back. He quickly removed his hand and left the
room. He was not going to allow himself to fall in love with her again.
