"Hey, Pacey! Where’s your better half?", Jen greeted Pacey who was leaning against Joey’s locker and didn’t respond.

"Pacey?" Still nothing. "Hellooo, anybody home?", Jen waved her hand in front of Pacey’s face.

"Huh?", the movement forced Pacey to snap out of his reverie.

"Jen, hi.", Pacey blinked and focused on her beaming face.

"Soo?", Jen was still waiting for his answer.

"So ... what?", Pacey was very slow on the uptake.

"Duh! Where. Is. Joey?", Jen repeated her question as if talking to a three year old.

"Uhh. She’s in Eiger’s office."

"Why is she with our principal?", Jen furrowed her brows.

"I don’t know. Right after we came in Ms. Tringle stopped us and ordered Joey to go straight to his office.", Pacey’s voice was a little concerned.

"That’s strange." Jen shook her head. She hoped there was nothing wrong. Why would the principal want to talk to Joey so... urgently?

Before Jen could say anything else Pacey pushed himself off the locker directing his gaze intently down the hall. Following his eyes she saw Joey approaching them. Jen searched her face for a sign of what was going on and found her expression to be a mixture of confusion and astonishment.

"No bad news then.", Jen thought while her curiosity was growing.

"What did he want, Jo?", Pacey asked the second Joey got within earshot. From his experience a visit to the principal’s office even before school had started was always a very bad thing.

"Curiosity killed the cat, huh Pace?", Joey smiled but was still somewhat distracted from what she had just learned.

"Potter...!", Joey received a ‘don’t mess with me now’ stare from Pacey.

Joey sighed and moved to Pacey’s side wrapping her arms around his waist. She needed to be close to him.

"Hey, Jen.", she greeted her friend while Pacey put his arm around her shoulders.

"Hey, Joey. Is everything okay?"

Jen and Pacey waited for Joey’s answer.

"Yeah, I guess. ...", Joey hugged Pacey tighter.

"Spit it out, Jo!", Pacey gave her a squeeze. She could be so frustrating sometimes.

"Well, ... Mr. Eiger just informed me that Grace Elkins turned down a scholarship to spend the rest of the school year in France because her parents are getting divorced and she wants to stay with her Mom. The faculty had to pick a replacement, so..."

"They asked you?", Jen piped up.

"Yeah..."

Pacey felt a cold shudder run down his spine and his heart constricted. The other shoe was about to drop.

"Oh...", was the only thing he could muster up.

"You’re not so happy about that, are you?", Jen frowned.

"No... I don’t know." Joey sighed again. "I’ve two days to decide if I want...", her voice trailed of as she buried her head on Pacey’s shoulder.

"If you wanted to go, when would you have to, uh... leave?", Pacey’s voice was hoarse.

"Right after Christmas.", Joey turned her head and took in Jen’s still beaming face.

"Anyway... You seem to be extremely happy this morning, Jen.", Joey knew that she had to think about the school’s offer but she certainly preferred doing that later than sooner.

"Gramps woke up this morning.", Jen’s face radiated joy in every direction. "They had to take him to the hospital to run several tests, but... he recognized me and we talked a little. I feel like this big weight has been taken off of my shoulders."

Joey smiled. She remembered all to good how it felt to see a loved one slipping away. Sadly that weight had never been taken off of her shoulders.

"That’s fantastic, Jen! That’s so good to hear!", Joey shared Jen’s happiness while Pacey felt a dark cloud hovering over his heart.

~*~

After school was finished for the day Jen sped off to the hospital. Joey and Pacey reluctantly parted but both had to work. Joey had to help out at the Icehouse and Pacey had his shift at Screen Play Videos. They hadn’t brought up the scholarship subject again but in their minds it was turned over and over again.

~*~

Joey and Bessie were cleaning tables, ... well, Bessie was cleaning tables while Joey was rambling about the scholarship.

"I don’t know what to do, Bessie. I know this is a great opportunity, I mean I could never afford to go abroad, but... France is so far away and I would be gone for at least half a year. I don’t speak the language and I won’t know anybody and I would miss you, Alex and Bodie so much... and Pacey... I can’t even think about being away from him for so long.", Joey lowered her head trying to will her rising tears away.

Bessie tilted Joey’s chin in order to meet her eyes.

"Listen, Jo. I know this is a tough decision, but, whatever you decide to do, it’s an honor just to be asked. I’m so proud of you. We all are...Dad will burst with pride when you tell him all about it.", Bessie moved over to the next table.

Joey followed her frowning. "Why would I tell him?"

"You do know which date tomorrow is, don’t you?"

"November 25^th ?"

"Right.", Bessie stared at Joey who didn’t seem to care about the date. "It’s Dad’s birthday, Jo."

"So what?", Joey placed refilled salt and pepper shakers on the table.

"You are going to visit him, Joey."

"I don’t think so. If you want to go... fine. I’m not."

"I’m not going. You are."

"Sure, when Easter and Christmas occur on the same day... maybe."

"Joey, we made a deal, remember? Alternating birthday visits as long as he’s in there. I went last year, so I’m pretty sure it’s your turn."

"Too bad then... no birthday party, because I’m not going."

Bessie glared at her sister. She wasn’t going to let her have her stubborn way.

"You. Are. Going. Joey. ... Otherwise I’ll make you regret it.... and I do mean that.", Bessie set her arms akimbo.

"I understand that you are still angry at him for what he did to us ... and Mom. Believe me, I’m too. Nevertheless he is still our father, Joey."

"Oh joy!", Joey huffed and threw her hands up. She really didn’t need that discussion with Bessie now and even less the prospect of seeing the man she used to call ‘Dad’ a long time ago.

~*~

Pacey was on the way to the video store as the short wail of a siren stopped him and he noticed a police car pulling up. He steadied his bike and crossed his arms in front of him, watching Doug stepping out of the car.

"What do you want, man? I have to go to work.", Pacey was really not in the mood to deal with his brother.

"Dad’s looking for you. He’s pissed.", Doug moved closer crossing his arms as well.

"Gee, I wonder what it is I did this time?" Pacey got off his bike and let it slide to the ground.

"Well, I'd say it's more like what you didn't do, like pass any of your mid-terms this semester. Principal Eiger called today to give you the official failure watch and frankly, Dad's a little worried.", Doug would never admit it but he actually cared for his little brother and after talking to their father he wanted to warn Pacey. Things could get pretty ugly when Sheriff Witter was in a bad mood.

Doug stared at his brother and took a deep breath. He hated it when Pacey threw these kind of remarks towards him. Why was it so impossible to talk to each other without insulting and hurtful comments? He couldn’t help it, he had to retort.

Pacey got off of his bike and let it slide to the ground. He glanced at his brother, shrugged and sat down on the curb. Maybe he was the official joke of Capeside and it just figured that Joey would leave him... sooner or later. According to what happened this day it would be more likely sooner than later.

Doug took in the defeated appearance of his little brother. This was very unusual. Pacey normally never backed down like this.

"What, no witty or at least impertinent response to that? You’re disappointing me, Pacey."

"Sorry for ruining your image of me, Dougie.", Pacey rubbed his eyes.

Doug frowned. There was obviously something wrong with Pacey.

"Time for some brotherly bonding.", Doug thought as he sat down next to his brother.

"Okay, you got me, little brother. What’s wrong with you?"

"Besides being the ‘official joke of Capeside’, school failure and black sheep of the prestigious Witter family?", Pacey sighed.

"Now that sounds more like you, but yes... Besides all that, what’s wrong?"

Pacey glanced at his brother who seemed to be genuinely interested. He certainly wasn’t his first choice, but Pacey needed to talk.

"Joey has been offered a scholarship to spend the rest of the school year in France.", he mumbled.

"Joey... Potter?", Doug was a little confused.

"Yeah.", Pacey knew that it was a mistake to start a conversation with his brother.

"Okay. Uh, that’s good for her, isn’t it? I mean it’s a great opportunity...", Doug didn’t understand how this could have made Pacey so miserable.

"I guess..."

"Sorry, but I don’t get it. Joey getting a scholarship affects you because...?"

Pacey glared at his brother. "It affects me because my girlfriend is probably spending about six month on a different continent and... forgetting all about me."

"Oh, ...uh, I didn’t know that you and Joey... uh....", Doug stared at his brother in surprise.

"Why should you? It’s not like anyone in our ‘family’ is interested in anything that concerns me.", Pacey’s tone became bitter.

"That’s not true, Pacey. I’m here...."

"Uh huh, because Dad ordered you to find me."

"No, he didn’t. I just wanted to let you know that he isn’t exactly well-disposed towards you right now."

"When is he ever? We both know who’s the favorite son here."

"I don’t think so... but that’s not the point.", Doug paused unsure if he should continue or not. "So, has Joey already decided if she wants to go?"

"No, I guess not. She’s got two days to make her decision."

"Well, then... you don’t know if she’ll leave you at all and even if she does she’ll be back."

"Maybe...", Pacey’s voice cracked.

"You really like her, don’t you?"

"I love her, Dougie.", Pacey couldn’t remember when he had last spoken so openly with his brother. The odds were he had never.

"And... what about her?"

"She says she loves me, too.", Pacey beamed.

"That’s great, huh? So... you’re feeling the butterflies?", Doug remembered them. It had been a long time since he felt them.

"Yeah."

"Yeah. Joey is really cute... and she’s smart, yet she’s in love with you, little brother.", Doug chuckled and received a death stare from Pacey.

"Those Potter women definitely have something special about them."

"Huh? Those Potter women?", Pacey interrogated.

"Yeah. Bessie and I... we were in the same class in High School.", Doug nudged Pacey in his side, "And... opposed to your unqualified opinion I’m not a closet case."

"Whoa, wait. Are you telling me... you had a crush... on... Bessie?", Pacey bit on his lip. This thought was really disturbing... in a way. On the other hand he certainly wasn’t one to deny that Potter women were amazing.

"That I had... and if you don’t keep your big mouth shut I’ll kill you!... I never acted on it and then,... well she found someone and now she’s practically married and has a child. ... See, you are the better man here, Pacey. You got the girl."

Pacey looked into his brother’s eyes and smiled. "Maybe..."

"Nah, if I know anything about the Potter girls, then it’s that they only do what they really want. It looks like Joey wants you, so quit moping!", Doug smiled also and padded Pacey’s back somewhat awkwardly. They had never been that close, for what reason ever, but he felt really good after this talk.

"So, uh...", Doug got up and straightened his uniform, "... I think both of us have some work to do..."

"Yeah, right. Why don't you just run along and go grab a cat out of a tree or something while I rent out some movies, which is much more productive...", Pacey stood up and laughed.

Doug returned to his car laughing and turned back, raised his index finger and snipped at Pacey.

~*~

Pacey knew that Joey would be working late and so he decided to go over to the Icehouse after his shift. He wanted to see her, feel her, just be with her.

Joey was tired. The day had been long, exhausting and pretty confusing. All she wanted was to get home and in bed. As she heard the door being opened she turned around ready to tell whoever it was to go to hell... well, at least that they were closed.

As soon as she realized it was Pacey the scowl on her face morphed into a bright smile that was met with an equally bright smile on Pacey’s face.

"Sorry, Pacey. Kitchen’s closed.", Joey tried to put on a serious face but failed miserably.

"Please don’t make me eat dinner with the Stepford family.", Pacey was still smiling but his voice gave his seriousness away.

Joey closed the distance between them, cradling his face with both of her hands.

"What’s wrong, Pace?", Pacey pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist and closed his eyes for a second.

"I met Doug before I had to work. He told me that Eiger called my Dad today, informing him that I didn’t pass my mid-terms and that Dad is very pissed.", he sighed and rested his forehead against Joey’s.

Joey caressed his cheeks unsure of what she could tell him to make him feel better. Pacey sighed again tilting his head so he could plant a kiss in Joey’s palm. Just feeling her caresses on his skin made him forget the trouble that was awaiting him at home.

"Tell me something, Jo. You have a habit of being annoyingly honest with me. When was it that I got designated a town loser? I mean, I know I've done some stupid things in my life but what was it exactly that pushed me over the edge to being a walking, talking embarrassment to my perfect family?", Pacey didn’t want to talk about his family problems especially not when they should be talking about the scholarship but he couldn’t help the words from spilling out of his mouth. Talking with his brother hadn’t been so bad after all but still he felt like his family wouldn’t love him.

"How can you think that, Pace? You’re not an embarrassment to your family."

"According to my father I am. Does he care about me? No, he only cares about our family’s reputation..."

Joey needed to stop Pacey from doubting himself. She knew he felt lost. He only wanted to be accepted by his father but Sheriff Witter only managed to create emotional havoc all the time.

" Well, at least your whole family isn't an embarrassment. Bessie forces me to visit my father tomorrow. I don’t want to see him. Actually I’d be very happy if I never needed to see him ever again."

"Look at us... We could present our dysfunctional families on one of these horrendous TV shows and win the first prize for worst family situation.", Pacey tried to lighten the mood.

"She would still make me go.", Joey pressed herself even closer against Pacey who rubbed his hands in comforting circles over her back.

"You know what? Fathers are weird creatures. Do you remember that I used to play baseball?"

Joey nodded.

"When I was eight years old we had this huge game at the end of the season. It wasn’t one of my best plays, anyway we lost. All the way home my father was telling me what a loser I was and that I was a disgrace of the whole family. Well, I was already used to that. But the next morning I overheard Dad and Doug in the kitchen. He told Doug that he was glad to have at least him. ...I never told anyone about this. ... I wish I had never heard him say that."

"Maybe you should talk with your Dad, tell him that he hurt you..., that he hurts you.", Joey suggested.

"Is that what you will do?", Pacey lifted Joey’s chin and looked in her eyes.

"You think I should visit my father, don’t you?", Joey played with the buttons on Pacey’s shirt.

"Yeah.... Actually it’s your own advice."

"Smartass.", Joey lightly smacked Pacey’s chest.

"Right back at ya!", Pacey grinned while rubbing the spot where Joey had hit him.

Joey rolled her eyes and moved away from him only to turn again after a few steps.

"Okay. Maybe I should go. Would you.... uh, ... would you come with me?", now her eyes were pleading.

"Under one condition.", Pacey moved over to her as she raised her brow.

"Feed me.", Pacey looked at her with puppy dog eyes. She wasn’t the only one to make good use of her irresistible eyes.

"Alright. Sounds fair. I guess I can scrape up some leftovers.", Joey smirked dragging Pacey to the kitchen.

~*~

"Hey, Joey... Pacey. Wait a second.", Dawson yelled . He wanted to talk to Joey since the second he had heard the rumors of her leaving for France on a scholarship the day before but was unable to get a hold of her. Now he saw her and Pacey heading out of school.

Joey slowed down a bit and turned her head while glancing at her watch. They really had no time.

"Dawson... We don’t have time to...", she started but was quickly interrupted by his slightly annoyed voice.

"Don’t tell me you haven’t got a minute.", Dawson stared at them.

After the gala they had gone to the Icehouse together and they were on speaking terms again but it felt very different. Joey was polite, Pacey was kind of indifferent and Jen was a mixture of both. The road back to their former close friendship wasn’t an easy one. Now she wasn’t even telling him about the scholarship.

"Joey looked at Dawson with a ‘what do you want?"-expression on her face.

"I heard about the scholarship, Joey. Were you even planning to tell me about it?", Dawson tried to cover the hurt he was feeling.

"Uh. Yeah... eventually. It’s not like everything is already definite."

"So... you’re not going?", Dawson looked at Pacey who was avoiding his gaze and playing with Joey’s hand.

"I don’t know... yet. Right now we’re going to visit my father, so we really have to catch our bus. Sorry, Dawson.", Joey was about to turn and start walking as she heard him mumbling.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. .... Just,... do you think your father would want you to visit him with Pacey? I mean, no offense, but your father is kind of responsible for his imprisonment, Pacey."

"Right. My father... not me, Dawson.", Pacey squinted, obviously feeling uncomfortable.

"Not everyone is so prejudiced. And besides, my father is the one who is responsible. He got himself in prison. Pacey’s dad was just doing his job."

Joey and Pacey walked away, leaving Dawson behind staring after them. At this moment it didn’t matter if Joey was going to France or not. She couldn’t be any further away from him than she already was in Capeside.

~*~

Joey dreaded the approaching reunion with her father and the fact that she wasn’t very fond of long bus rides didn’t help either.

The only thing comforting her was having Pacey by her side. With him she felt like she could face everything she would ever have to.

He had managed to make her laugh several times in spite of their destination and distracted her from the rather boring and uncomfortable trip by inventing stories about the other people on the bus.

Joey occupied a window seat with Pacey to her right. His left arm rested on her shoulders with both their left hands entwined. Her right hand alternated between laying still and drawing figures on his leg while Pacey used his right hand to gesticulate.

"Pace?", Joey squeezed his left hand.

"Hhmm?", Pacey tilted his head and inhaled the scent of Joey’s hair.

"Thanks a lot for coming with me today. I know it’s probably not one of the top ten things you would want to do with your girlfriend and... it means so much to me."

Pacey smiled. Joey Potter had just referred to herself as ‘girlfriend’, his girlfriend.

"So you’re my girlfriend, Potter?", Pacey nuzzled her hair, "I like the sound of that. ... But seriously, Jo, ... spending time with you no matter what we’re doing ranks very high on my top ten list of what I want to do with my girlfriend."

"Really?", Joey smirked, "How high are we talking here?"

"Well, I don’t know... Actually everything I want to do with you requires your presence... So, maybe I should give it the zero status, like an absolute prerequisite...", Pacey chuckled.

"What would be your number one?", Joey shifted her position and merely whispered in Pacey’s ear.

"Uhh... Depends on time, place, ahhm... given circumstances...", his eyes held a mischievous smile.

"So... let me rephrase this. What’s your number one right now?", Joey let her hand trail upwards, lightly caressing Pacey’s thigh and lingered just below his hip.

"Uhh... You don’t wanna know, believe me... But, I could settle for kissing you as number one... for the time being."

"Mhmm. That can be arranged." Joey tilted her head up and licked her lips.

Pacey mimicked her action and used his left arm that was still wrapped around Joey’s shoulders to pull her closer. His right hand got tangled up in her hair while he started nibbling on her lower lip. Soon Joey opened her mouth to him, inviting him to deepen their kiss which he did eagerly.

~*~

Like the day before Jen went to the hospital straight after school. She was so happy that her grandfather was on his way to recovery. She had missed talking to him terribly. Somehow he had always had the ability to put everything in her life into the right perspective.

On her way to visit him she had bought a dozen yellow roses, his favorite flowers ever since she could remember. As she exited the elevator she saw her grandmother sitting on a chair in the waiting area.

"They’re doing tests on him again, then.", she thought and walked towards her.

"Hey, Grams. Look, I brought some of Gramps favorite roses. These hospital rooms definitely need some decoration...", Jen started happily but Grams kept her head down and didn’t respond.

The smile on Jen’s face slowly faded. "Grams? What’s wrong?"

Grams closed her eyes trying to regain some of the strength she had lost as she was confronted with the news twenty minutes ago. She reached for Jen’s hand and motioned her to take a seat.

"What? How is he?", Jen clutched Grams hand.

"But I thought that... I don’t understand.", Jen whispered. This couldn’t be true, this couldn’t be happening. A minute ago everything was as it should have been and then....

"It was unexpected. His heart isn’t strong enough to keep him awake.", Grams looked into her granddaughters watering eyes.

"No, no everything was just turning around. It doesn’t make sense.", Jen sobbed.

"I know, child, I know. All we can do is wait and pray that...", Grams wasn’t able to finish the sentence.

Both were crying openly now, clinging to each other. Both knew that there was little hope but refused to accept it just now.

~*~

After nearly four hours and having been stuck in a traffic jam the bus finally reached its destination, the correctional facility in Daleman, Massachusetts.

Joey and Pacey stepped outside. The sun was already setting and the cold wind made Joey shiver. She cuddled closer to Pacey’s warm body wishing they were yet on their way back home.

"So, ... we’re there.", Pacey sensed Joey’s uneasiness and hugged her tightly as they crossed the street towards the visitor entrance.

Joey nervously bit her lower lip and slowed her pace. She felt Pacey’s questioning gaze upon her and took a deep breath. She knew she was stalling despite her desire to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. She stopped and leaned against Pacey encircling his waist. Pacey wrapped his arms around her and soothingly caressed the back of her neck below her hair.

"You ready, Potter?"

Joey shook her head sighing.

"Well, ... when was the last time you saw him?"

"Two years ago... a few weeks before my Mom ...died. I... I walked in on him and that bleached blonde waitress who knelt in front of him while he was on the phone... talking with one of his ‘partners’ about ... their upcoming marihuana traffic. Later that day your dad arrested him.", Joey swallowed hard, "All in one day, Pacey, I discovered that he was a cheater, a dealer and soon to be a convict. And now I’m supposed to go in there and wish him a happy birthday."

"God Jo, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that you actually...", just the thought of what Joey must have felt as she saw her father back then made him sick.

"Don’t be. I never really told anyone that I did see him. I always said that I discovered everything, so...", Joey shrugged.

"You don’t have to face him all alone, Jo. I’m with you, okay?", Pacey whispered in her ear.

Joey nodded and stood on tiptoe to kiss Pacey lightly on the lips. "I’m ready now."

Pacey laced his fingers with hers and they walked towards the guard.

Joey cleared her throat. "Hi, we’re here to visit my father, Mike Potter."

"I’m sorry but visiting hours are just over. You need to come back tomorrow."

"You're kidding me. We missed visiting hours?", Joey stared at the man incredulously.

"I'm sorry these are the rules. Inmate visitation ends promptly at 5 o' clock.", the guard looked pointedly to the clock.

"Yeah, but we just spend 4 hours on a bus. I mean, what are we supposed to do now?", Joey’s eyes narrowed on him. This couldn’t be happening.

"Look, Miss. I know you think your problem is very important and I'm sure to you, it is, but here at a prison housing over 800 felons it's not even a blip on the radar. Now can I ask you are we done here yet?", the guard became annoyed and stressed his last words raising his brows.

Joey helplessly looked at Pacey. "What are we doing now, Pace? This whole thing is a fucking nightmare".

She was angry, helpless and tired of all of it. She needed him to support her, to somehow tell her what to do.

"I guess there’s absolutely no use in returning to Capeside tonight. All we would do is spending the next few hours on a bus again to repeat the whole trip tomorrow and probably ending up with the same result.", Pacey dragged Joey away from the guard. He might not have a solution to everything but for this problem he had some pretty good ideas.

"Just before we got off the bus I saw a motel. We could stay there for the night, visit your father tomorrow morning and then take the first possible bus back home."

"Okay, sounds good to me.", Joey didn’t object which surprised Pacey a little bit he looked at her and found her grinning at him.

"As much as I hate to be here...", Joey nodded her head back to the prison, "... I guess we could at least make the best out of it. Which is having you all for myself for the whole night... a school night I might add.", Joey’s eyes were challenging him.

"All for yourself, all night long...", Pacey teased while his mind was somewhat occupied with a lot of possibilities, "And what would you do with me, Josephine?"

"That, my dear,...", Joey turned her eyes away from his amused but moreover prying gaze and started walking, "... is for me to know and for you to find out....if you’re lucky."

~*~

Dawson was deep in thought about Joey, Pacey and the scholarship as he returned home from his shift at the video store. He was walking towards the door when he spotted Jen sitting on his dock. He hesitated briefly before he headed over to join her.

"Hey, Jen.", Dawson flopped down next to her. Without leaving her time to reply he continued talking. "Any news on Joey and France?"

Jen closed her eyes. First she hadn’t been thrilled as she saw Dawson approaching her, then she thought that she could actually need someone to talk to but he had to start with his problem right away.

"No and frankly, Dawson, don’t you have any other topic besides this one which shouldn’t be your topic in the first place?", she spat.

"Jeez, Jen. Don’t bite my head off because I dared to ask you something concerning your friend. I thought you would care if she’s leaving Capeside or not.", Dawson dramatically threw his hands up.

"I do care but I do have some more serious problems to care about.", Jen’s voice was thick with the tears she tried to choke back.

"Are you crying, Jen?", Dawson was startled and attempted to read her face but it was to dark already.

Instead of an answer Jen sobbed and buried her head in her hands.

"God Jen, what’s wrong?", Dawson placed his arms around her shoulders trying to comfort her.

Jen stiffened for a second before she allowed herself to relax and lean on him. For a few minutes Dawson let Jen cry on his shoulder before he asked again what was bothering her.

"Gramps suffered another stroke today. ... It... it doesn’t look too good for him. They’re not sure if he’ll make it this time.", Jen uttered in between sobs.

"Oh... I’m so sorry.", Dawson awkwardly started to stroke Jen’s hair with his other hand.

He didn’t know what to do. He had never lost someone who he loved. He felt helpless and couldn’t think of anything to say that would make her feel better. It had been the same when Joey’s mother had died. He had wanted to take the pain away from her but ended up with a heartbreakingly crying Joey and he had been unable to calm her. Thinking back Dawson realized that it had been Pacey who finally got through to her. Pacey had been able to soothe her and after a while he had even brought a small smile to her face.

In loss of anything else Dawson let Jen cry and waited just holding her.

~*~

"Who would ever come up with the idea to call their motel ‘Loveless’?", Joey giggled clinging to Pacey.

"Jo... let go of my arm for a second please. I can’t open the door if...", Pacey struggled with the key.

"Uh, ... this motel is already rubbing off on you. I don’t feel the love here.", Joey pouted drawing her hands back from him.

Finally the lock gave in and the door sprang open. In a matter of seconds Pacey swept Joey up in his arms and kicked the door shut behind them.

"I’ll show you love.", he groaned while letting her fall on the bed.

Joey was a little out of breath and her heart beat wildly. What had she gotten herself into? What would Pacey’s next move be? She stared in his eyes as he hovered over her. He was smiling devilishly and held an expression that she knew all to well. It was the very obvious sign that he was in for some roughhousing.

Pacey started his assault with merciless tickling and got Joey squirming with laughter beneath him. After a few minutes he changed tactics and lay down next to her. Joey took advantage of his momentarily loss of power over her and straddled him.

"So... who’s in charge here now?", Joey reached for Pacey’s hands and moved them above his head.

"You think you got me?", Pacey let her hold his hands but raised his legs propping his feet up on the bed which caused Joey to slide higher and just to his groin.

"Uh... Yeah, and I’m pretty sure I’ve got you in more than one way...", Joey slightly rocked against him causing him to groan.

"Just in as many as I’ve got you, honey.", Pacey retrieved his hands from her grip and brought them to her face, pulling her down to him and kissing her hungrily.

Suddenly Joey became very self-conscious and pulled back panting.

"I’m going to take a shower."

"Is it getting a little too hot for you, Miss Potter?", Pacey smirked but his question held seriousness. He didn’t want to scare her away or push her to do something she wasn’t ready for. As she rocked against him he got carried away with his emotions. Maybe it had been to much for her.

Joey smiled and kissed Pacey’s forehead reassuringly. "A little... but I do like our new way of... roughhousing.", she smiled again as she saw him relaxing. "Not to mention that we spend hours in a bus... I really want to fresh up... a little."

Pacey smiled, too, and watched her walking to the bathroom. Shortly after she had closed the door behind her he heard the shower starting. Visions of a naked Joey Potter and water softly jetting down on her invaded his mind and aroused him even more. The fact that there was only a very thin, unlocked door separating them and the lack of supervision by anyone didn’t help him either.

"This is so very not good.", Pacey moaned and sat up.

"Jo?", he knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to go out to eat or should I get something from the café?", he really needed to get out of the room now.

"Uh... I’d rather stay in, I guess."

"Okay. I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay."

~*~

There had been a lot more people in the adjoining café than Pacey had anticipated and it took him about twenty minutes to return to the room with their dinner.

The shower wasn’t running anymore but Joey was still in the bathroom. Pacey set the food on the table and switched the TV on.

"I’m back, Potter.", he announced and flopped down on the bed.

He waited ten more minutes but Joey didn’t come out. Pacey frowned. What took her so long? The last time he had waited for her to come out of a bathroom wasn’t a very fond memory. Nervously he walked over to the door and knocked again.

"Are you alright, Joey?"

"No.", her response heightened his concern but at least she was talking to him.

"Oh... Uhm. Can I come in?", he waited anxiously for her answer.

"Yeah..."

Pacey took a deep breath and opened the door. Joey was wrapped in a large towel and sat on the toilet. She was a little pale but seemed otherwise okay.

"What is it, Jo?", Pacey knelt down in front of her and touched her hands that lay folded on her lap. "I’m sorry if I was a little forward earlier..."

"That’s not it, Pace.", Joey put one hand over his but avoided his gaze.

"Not?... Then...?"

"Did you notice a drugstore or something nearby?", Joey interrupted him.

"Drugstore?... Uh... yeah, there’s one down the road I think.", Pacey was confused.

"Could you... God this is so embarrassing!", Joey hid her face behind her hands.

Pacey stared at her and suddenly got a clue as to what was bothering her. She was embarrassed because she needed something from the drugstore and couldn’t go herself. In this moment he was grateful to have three sisters and a mother and therefore some knowledge of certain female problems.

Pacey softly removed her hands from her face and smiled as he saw her blushing. "It’s okay, Jo. I’m on my way... any favorite brand?"

Joey bit on her lip and tucked her hair behind her ear before she looked up surprised.

Pacey smiled, "Three sisters, Jo."

"Uh..., Always Ultra?", she returned his smile shyly.

"Okay. Anything else?"

"No, I don’t think so.", Pacey stood up and kissed the top of her head.

"I’ll hurry up."

"Pace?", Joey called as he walked towards the door and watched him turn around, "Thank you."

"No problem, Jo."

~*~

"No problem... right.", Pacey thought as he entered the drugstore, "You can do that, Witter. Don’t forget she’s waiting for you.", slowly he made his way to the aisle that carried the female hygiene articles.

He scanned the shelves for Joey’s preferred brand and tried to ignore the amused stares he received from other customers. Hell, this was truly embarrassing but it didn’t matter because he was doing this for Joey.

The thought that she trusted him, needed him and most of all loved him made his knees weak. He had never imagined how happy he could be until then. If there only wasn’t this Sword of Damocles, aka Joey’s scholarship, hanging above his head.

~*~

Fifteen minutes later he returned to their room and found Joey in the same position in which he had left her.

"Uh, here you go.", he handed her a paper bag. "I’ve brought some more things, so..."

"Thank you, Pace.", Pacey smiled and closed the door behind him.

A few minutes later Joey finally emerged from the bathroom feeling much better but still a bit embarrassed.

"Hey...", she sat down next to Pacey who had turned his attention to the TV.

"Hey..., feeling better now?", Pacey reached for her hand.

"A lot.", Joey smiled.

"Good... Hhmm, I know you said you wouldn’t need anything else, but, well, I also bought you Women’s Tylenol, because... maybe you might need it later... if you get cramps or something. And I have some chocolate for you. I’ve also asked the guy at the reception if they’d have a hot bottle but they don’t and therefore I got you hot tea from the café. My mom always told my sisters they should stay warm if they had cramps, so...", Pacey was rambling and Joey felt her love for him grow even stronger with every word he said.

"I’m sorry you had to go and buy that... stuff... for me. I’m not, well it’s not that regular... and I guess I just forgot it with everything that’s happening lately, so... Thank you.", Joey squeezed his hand. She couldn’t believe that he brought her pain relievers and sweets and that he even bothered to ask for a hot bottle. He was so amazing.

"Nah, that’s okay. As I said, no problem... although the lady at the drugstore probably had a field day as she saw what I was buying.", Pacey chuckled, "But, you know... I love to take care of you.", he kissed her hand and then her temple.

"And I love how you take care of me, Pace. ... Have I told you lately that you are the world’s best boyfriend ever?", she laced her hand with his.

"Hhmm, no... but please go on...", Pacey smiled and moved to sit behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"I love you, Pacey.", Joey leaned back against his chest and closed her eyes. She could have stayed like that for ever.

"I love you, too, Jo.", Pacey placed a soft kiss on her exposed neck and stood up, pulling her with him.

"No go, drink your tea while it’s still hot and eat."

"Yes, ... mom.", Joey laughed. Her embarrassment had completely vanished.

After they had dinner they zapped a while through the boring TV programs before they decided to call it a night.

"Pacey?"

"Yeah?"

"You know, I really don’t need a hot bottle... because I’ve you to keep me warm.", the room was dark and Joey couldn’t see his face in detail but she felt him smile.

"My pleasure, Jo.", Pacey whispered and spooned her body against his, wrapping his arm protectively around her waist and softly caressed her stomach until they both fell asleep.

~*~

Joey and Pacey waited in the visitor’s room. Visiting hours had just started and there weren’t too many people there. They sat at one of the gray tables and Joey fiddled with the orange visitor’s ID card that was clipped on her sweater.

Pacey covered her hand with his own calming her instantly. Joey tilted her head and flashed him a small smile.

"It’s gonna be okay, Jo.", Pacey whispered while stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Hopeful...", Joey was interrupted by the beeping of the barred door that separated the visitor’s room from the hallway leading to the inmate wing of the prison.

Joey glanced up and caught a glimpse of her father before she lowered her head again clasping Pacey’s hand for support.

Mr. Potter attempted a smile but it was obvious that he was also very nervous. He sat down across from Joey, seeing his daughter for the first time in two long years. He felt the tension between them and tried to break the ice by joking.

Joey took a deep breath but didn’t respond. She looked up trying to sort out her emotions. She wanted to talk to her father but it was so difficult to fight against the hurt he had caused for her, Bessie and her mother.

Mr. Potter continued to study his daughter. She had changed a lot in the last years and in a way she hadn’t changed at all. She was still his little girl, at least in his opinion. He let his eyes wander over her, comparing and remembering. Suddenly he noticed that her hand was tightly holding somebody else’s hand. He had of course realized that she hadn’t come alone but he hadn’t bothered to identify that person. He was just glad that Joey was visiting him. She held the person’s hand like she had hold his own whenever she needed support or encouragement as a child. Sadness washed over him. She wasn’t a child anymore and he had lost the right to hold her hand like this. His gaze traveled from the joined hands up to the face of the person. Pacey Witter. He was a little surprised but only for a second as he reminisced about a conversation so long ago.

"Hello, Pacey.", Mr. Potter gave him a nod.

"Hi, Mr. Potter.", Pacey shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Mr. Potter’s glance at him hadn’t gone unnoticed. He wondered what he was thinking about him being there. Maybe Dawson was right and he didn’t want to see Sheriff Witter’s son and especially not with his daughter?

His doubts were as soon dispelled as they had arisen. He smiled at him and his eyes were also smiling. Pacey relaxed and concentrated on Joey again.

Mr. Potter turned his attention back to Joey. "I thought the other night you might come. And then I thought better not to get my hopes up. ... Birthdays in prison are depressing enough."

"Well, I’m here, aren’t I?", Joey briefly looked into his eyes. She didn’t mean to sound so cold but she couldn’t help it either.

"Uh, actually... we’ve been here yesterday, but we narrowly missed visitation hours, so...", Pacey offered squeezing Joey’s hand.

Mr. Potter smiled. "I’m so glad. You have no idea." He paused for a moment. "You are all grown up. ... It’s amazing."

"Well, that’s what people do. They grow up.", Joey answered staring at her father. What did he expect? Did he think she would stay his little baby girl for eternity? He had left her no choice but to grow up... fast.

"Yes, ... they do. It’s just... It gets so lonely here, Joey. I miss you and your sister. I miss my family. I’m missing so much about you, about all of you...", Mr. Potter lowered his voice. He knew it was completely his fault that he was missing everything.

"Your family? Tell me this, do you miss Mom?", Joey’s voice became hard again.

Mr. Potter had to swallow before he was able to answer and his voice was barely a whisper. "Yes, very much.", although it had been almost two years since Lillian had died every time he thought about her he felt a deep pain. He was so lost without her. He may not have been the ideal husband but he had loved her with all his heart. He still loved her. If she only hadn’t become ill and if they only hadn’t had to worry about money and doctor bills they would still be a family, a united family.

The minute Lillian told him she had cancer he fell apart. He wasn’t able to deal with her illness and even less with her unavoidable death. He was ashamed of himself and of his weakness. He had promised her to be with her in sickness and in health. He had broken his promise. He had failed. He had let her down, but the last time he had spoken to her she had told him that she forgave him, that she still loved him. He wasn’t worth of her love, quite possible he had never been.

Joey reminded him so much of his wife. She had her eyes and her smile. He wanted to make things right with Joey. He had to try. Her and Bessie were all that he had left, ... all that were left of Lillian.

"Joey, talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.", he begged.

"I do want to know, please Joey. I know I hurt you, I know that... that you’re angry. Maybe... maybe you even hate me. I would understand if you do... just...", Mr. Potter had tears in his eyes.

Joey felt her own eyes welling up. "You’re right. I am angry. I’m cross with you for trafficking drugs. I loathe you for cheating on Mom while she was dying. And I hate it that you left us alone when we... when we needed you so much. Mom left us and you, you weren’t there. I depended on you and... you let me, ...us, down. I knew that Mom was dying and I counted on you to make it somehow better. You always made it better whenever I was in pain or when I was frightened or... But you weren’t there. You left and I had to deal with your legacy on my own. I was thirteen years old. Now I’m fifteen and you, you don’t know me. You said that I was all grown up, if I am then because you forced me to grow up and you missed it. You don’t know that I’m in love with Pacey, you don’t know your grandson, you don’t know that Bessie is a fantastic mother just like Mom was and you don’t know that I have been offered a scholarship to France. I hate that... but I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you. You’re my father, ... Dad."

Joey was crying by now and tears were running down Mr. Potter’s cheeks as well. She had called him Dad. Maybe they still had a chance after all.

"I’m so sorry, sweetheart. If I could I would undo all my mistakes. I hate myself for putting you and your sister through all of this...."

"Do you ever think about Bessie and me, Dad?"

"Always honey, all day long, everyday, every hour, every minute. You are my family, you are all that I’ve left in this world. ... I love you, Joey. Please, never forget that I love you."

Joey managed her famous lopsided smile although she was still crying. "Thank you, Dad."

Mr. Potter smiled and reached for Joey’s hand which she took. It was a small gesture but it meant the world for both of them.

"No physical contact, please.", a warden reminded them.

They reluctantly let go of the other’s hand. Pacey soothingly wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Joey enjoyed his comforting touch. She felt like she’s been on an emotional roller-coaster for ever. Suddenly it was too much for her. She needed a break. Tilting her head she raised her shoulder enabling her to press her cheek to Pacey’s hand.

"I’ll be right back."

~*~

Mr. Potter and Pacey gazed after her. Mr. Potter rubbed his chin and looked at Pacey who immediately sensed a father to daughter’s boyfriend talk coming his way. He straightened his shoulders and awaited whatever Mr. Potter had to say.

"So... Joey is in love with you, Pacey, huh?", he smiled at the boy who had obviously stolen his daughter’s heart.

"Yeah....", Pacey beamed, "...I’m in love with her, too."

"I can see that. You look at her like I used to look at her mother and she looks at you like her mother looked at me. ... God, that’s so long ago."

"When we were kids I envied Joey because...", Pacey hesitated. He wasn’t sure if he should continue. If it was his place to say something like that. "... of her parents. You and Mrs. Potter... you were so affectionate towards each other. If I compare my parents to you, well... we’d better not gone there."

"Lilly was my true love...", Mr. Potter slowly nodded. "From what I see here, it’s highly possible that you’re Joey’s true love and she’s yours."

Pacey blushed. "Who’d have ever thought that..."

Mr. Potter gazed through the window, lost in memories of the past.

"Her mother... Do you remember Joey’s tenth birthday?", Pacey nodded and a smile crept over his face. "It was unusually warm and the three of you spent most of the day in the creek. You constantly ducked her under the water and she would do the same to you. You two were cursing each other like hell while still enjoying every second of it. When you got out of the water Joey slipped on the wet wooden dock and scraped her knee badly. While Lilli placed a band-aid on her knee you sped up to our porch and grabbed a piece of her birthday cake and hurried back to her. Lilli later told me you said that you would never kiss a girl to make it better but that birthday cake was the next best thing to a kiss and that would be something you could provide her with. You had forgotten to bring a fork and her hands were also a little bloody so you just fed her with your hands. Apparently that was the perfect remedy for her because she smiled again."

"I remember that."

"Yeah, I thought so. Later that evening I talked with Lilli about the day and mentioned that I had been really astonished at your caring because whenever I saw you together one of you were picking on the other, always playful mind you, but still.... Her mother wasn’t surprised at all. She said you simply didn’t know what to do about your mutual affection just yet. She already knew that you deeply cared about each other. She told me just to wait a few more years and then I’d be happy if you were only feeding her some cake.", Mr. Potter laughed at Pacey’s shocked expression.

"Don’t worry. That’s just the innate father’s idea of their daughters. They will always be their little baby girls no matter how old they are. There will never be anyone who would be good enough for their princess and fathers always want to be the only men in their daughter’s life. Just wait till you have a daughter of your own. Uhh, talking of that... I’d appreciate if you’d have to wait for like at least ten more years...", he chuckled.

Pacey’s face turned to a crimson red color. Did Joey’s father just talk about a possible sexual relationship between him and Joey?

"Ah, I see you understand me. Good. Well, I like you Pacey and I’m happy that you are the one Joey fell in love with. Just treat her well and... take care of her. She’s strong but she needs someone she can rely on.", Mr. Potter’s voice became serious.

"I will."

"I know you will. I guess you know that already, but... Potter women are difficult, stubborn creatures. But they are worth everything."

"I know. Joey already is my everything.", Pacey became serious, too.

"What are you two talking about?", Joey had returned and saw their serious expressions. She slid back in her seat and waited.

"Just a little male bonding.", her father offered.

"Should I be worried?", Joey eyed them suspiciously.

"Nah, we just established our girlfriend’s father to daughter’s boyfriend relationship.", Pacey took her hand in his.

"Now I am worried.", Joey smiled.

They talked a few more minutes before their visitation time was over. After they had said their goodbyes the stood up and turned to leave. Just before the exit door opened for Pacey and Joey she turned a final time, "Happy Birthday, Dad."

Mr. Potter smiled brightly. "I love you, Joey."

~*~

"Hey, Jen!", Dawson jogged to her side, "How is your grandfather? Any change?"

"No. Nothing.", Jen sighed. "I’m going to the hospital again after school. Grams spends most of the days there. It was a lot easier for her when he was at home." , they stopped at her locker.

"I’m sorry.", Jen shrugged at Dawson’s comment. There wasn’t really anything to say.

"So... have you seen Joey and Pacey today?", Dawson asked casually as he walked Jen to her next class.

"No and we probably won’t be seeing them today at all.", she paused and turned to face him, "I tried to call Joey last night, but Bessie told me that they had to stay overnight. They missed visitation hours or something and didn’t want to spend another whole day on the bus."

"Ohh.", Dawson breathed out.

Jen just raised one eyebrow and watched Dawson struggle to continue.

"I thought she had to decide the France thing today?"

"Yeah, she had. I think Bessie said that they had given her a prolongation until first period tomorrow."

"Well then.... What do you think? Will she accept the offer or not?", Dawson fumbled with his book bag.

"I don’t know. It’s a great opportunity but she would have to leave Pacey. I don’t think she would be very happy with a long distance relationship. I guess it depends on what is more important to her. Nevertheless I..., well, we’ll know for sure by tomorrow."

Jen walked in her classroom and left Dawson staring after her.

~*~

"That wasn’t as bad as I imagined.", Joey cuddled up to Pacey getting comfortable for the rest of the bus-ride home.

"You won’t pursue your plan of killing Bessie then?", Pacey quipped tangling his hand in her hair.

"Pacey!", Joey slapped his chest.

"What? In the not so distant past you were all up to it because she forced you to visit your father."

"Yeah, I know. I’m glad that she made me though. I’m feeling.... relieved in a way. It was good to talk to him. ... See, I’m very good at advising.", Joey laughed, "And he loves me."

"Of course he does. You didn’t really doubt that, did you? ... I wish my father... my parents were more like yours."

"Uh... be careful what you wish for, Witter.", Joey sat up and looked in his blue eyes. "You know what? I’m going to help you with the school stuff and there won’t be any more reason for you father to blow off on you, okay?"

"As much as I’d like you to... tutor me, but...", Pacey tucked a stray of hair behind her ear, "... that’s going to be a little difficult with you being in France for the next six months, don’t you think?"

Joey stared at him. "Who says I would be in France?"

"Do you have decided what you want to do?", Pacey answered with a counter-question.

"Do you want me to go?", Joey’s eyes widened. She had never thought that Pacey wanted her to leave.

"Jo...", Pacey sighed. By the way they were talking about the subject they would never get anywhere, "... it’s not important what I want. The question is what you want."

"So you really want me to leave.", Joey bit down on her bottom lip hard to dull the pain that was shooting through her heart.

"I can’t give you an answer to that, Jo.", Pacey reached for her hand but she flinched from his touch lowering her head. Pacey sighed again. She had never flinched from him before. He felt like someone had slapped him. "You have to make a decision and that shouldn’t be affected by anyone else."

Joey turned away from him leaning her head against the cool windowpane. He had said he would love her. Apparently not enough to care if she would go to France or not. She closed her eyes.

"Jo?", Pacey creased his forehead.

"I’m tired and I don’t want to talk anymore.", Joey said trying to control her voice.

Pacey stared at her back. "Way to go, Witter. You’ve hurt her. Not an hour ago you promised her father to take care of her and now...", he squeezed the bridge of his nose. This was going to be a very long trip home.

~*~

At about 3pm the coach stopped in Capeside. Joey still seemed to be asleep as Pacey glanced over her curled up form. His hand was nearly touching her arm before he forced himself to let it drop to his side. "Jo, wake up. We’re back in Capeside.", he whispered as not to startle her.

Joey opened her eyes. She hadn’t slept at all. She had just not been able to face Pacey after he obviously admitted not to care if she left at all. It took all her strength to keep herself away from him and so she decided to pretend to be sleeping. She felt him almost touching her before he restrained himself.

They got off the bus without talking to each other.

"I’ll walk you home." , his voice revealed insecurity as he shuffled his feet.

"Uh, ... no. You know that could me affect somehow....", Joey trailed off.

"Jo, please...", Pacey eyed her wearily.

"You made it perfectly clear that you don’t care what..."

"I never said that. I do care... I love you, Jo. I just can’t...", Pacey desperately tried to explain.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway... I’ve things to do, so I’d appreciate to be alone right now.", she was hurt and at this moment she couldn’t stand to be with him.

"Okay...", Pacey slumped his shoulders and watched her sadly as she nodded and turned away from him.

None of them noticed Dawson on the other side of the street who watched their argument silently.

~*~

"Bessie, I’m home.", Joey yelled much louder as was necessary slamming the door behind her.

"Could have fooled me.", Bessie stuck her head out of the kitchen area glancing at her angry sister. "So, how did it go?", she presumed Joey was pissed off because of their father.

"He wants me to go to France.", Joey shouted feeling tears run down her face.

"Dad wants you to ...?"

"Nooo, Pacey. He doesn’t care about me."

Bessie frowned. She couldn’t imagine that Pacey would be happy without her sister. "Did he say that?"

Joey hesitated. He hadn’t really said it. "No, he just, ... he told me he couldn’t tell me what to do..."

~*~

Pacey went to his brother’s apartment right after Joey had left. He was sad and confused. He knew he had messed up but why had she to be so stubborn and refused to understand what he was trying to tell her.

He had an idea how to express what he was thinking and feeling but he needed his brother’s help. After their recent talk it wasn’t so embarrassing to ask him, at least Pacey hoped so.

"Pacey... What do you want?", Doug groaned as he opened his door and found his brother.

"I screwed up, Dougie.", Pacey stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Nothing new there, little brother. Why do you have to tell about your latest endeavor to confirm your reputation now? I just came home from work, I’m tired and you are...", Doug complained.

"I need your help, Dougie.", Pacey interrupted him pleadingly.

"Oh...", that was something new. Pacey was asking him for his help. "Okay, come in.", Doug opened his door wider and let his brother enter the apartment.

"So, what did you do this time?", they sat down on the couch and Doug eyed Pacey expectantly.

"Joey thinks that I want her to go to France."

"And you don’t want that, do you?", Doug was amused. Watching his brother squirm because of the girl he was in love with was really entertaining.

"Of course not, but I can’t tell her that.", Doug raised his brows questioningly. "I can’t make her stay because I’d go crazy without her. She has always dreamed of getting out of Capeside... and this is her chance."

"Ah. Let me guess you didn’t exactly tell her that and now she thinks you don’t really love her, right?", Doug smiled.

"That’s so not funny.", Pacey huffed shocked that his brother had figured his problem out so easily.

"Well, ... what do you need my help for then?"

"IneedtoborrowyourMariahCareyCD.", Pacey intently studied the pattern of the rug.

"Sorry, I didn’t get that, because if I did I must have heard you ask for one of my CD’s that you despise with a passion..."

"You heard just right.", Pacey ducked his head as Doug started to laugh.

"Really? Did hell freeze over? Because I can’t believe that you are finally able to appreciate a soothing female voice. Wait, .... how do you even know that I have this CD?"

"Cut it out, Doug. I just know. Maybe this was a mistake.", Pacey tried to stand up.

"Uh uh, cool down little brother. Please, help yourself. Who am I to prevent you from gaining a little education in the music department."

"I’ll never live that down now, won’t I?", Pacey muttered as he grabbed the considered CD.

"Just don’t scratch it.", Doug shrugged laughing.

~*~

"Hey, Joey.", Dawson approached her. She was sitting on her dock, dangling her feet just above the water.

Joey turned her head and blew out some air. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. Actually she wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Hey.", she answered flatly as he sat down next to her.

"How was you trip?", Joey only cast him a glance and continued to stare at the creek.

"You know, I saw you and Pacey when you got off the bus this afternoon.", Joey inhaled deeply but her eyes remained focused on the water.

"You didn’t look too happy. Were you fighting or something?", Dawson prodded.

"Why do you care?", Joey muttered annoyed.

"Because you are my friend.", Dawson stated. He needed to know what was wrong.

"Fine. We had an argument about this France thing."

"Ahh. So, any decision yet? I would really miss you if you’d go."

"Is that true?", Joey played with her hair avoiding his gaze.

"Of course! I can’t imagine my life without you. You’ve always been there for me...", Dawson paused. "Did Pacey say something wrong?"

"I don’t want to talk about it, okay."

"So he did. Well, if I was your... boyfriend.... I wouldn’t let you go.

Joey closed her eyes. Her boyfriend would let her go. "You are not my boyfriend, Dawson.", she stood up.

"Right. I’m not. I’m only your friend but I still don’t want you to go.", he followed her.

"I’m sorry, Dawson. I have to sort out some things. Principal Eiger expects my decision by tomorrow and I really don’t feel like small talk tonight.", she crossed her arms in front of her and shrugged. "Could you please leave me alone now? I don’t want to be rude... I just don’t want to have company right now, okay?"

"Sure.", Dawson watched her nodding and returning to her previous position. Slowly he turned and started to walk away.

~*~

"Joey, come on. Get up already.", Bessie tried to wake her up.

Joey tiredly peeked at the clock and groaned. "Go away, Bessie. I’ve at least half an hour left before I have to get up."

"You would but I’ve found something on our porch."

"Great. I want to sleep!", Joey buried her head in the pillow.

"I don’t think so.", Bessie insisted tugging at the duvet.

Joey rolled her eyes. "Fine. What is it? Tell me and I can go back to sleep."

"You’ve got mail, sis.", Bessie grinned and waved a thick envelope in front of Joey’s face.

Curiosity got the best of Joey and she snatched the envelope away from her sister. Ripping it open she found a letter and a tape inside. She quickly unfolded the letter and immediately recognized Pacey’s sloppy handwriting.

‘Dear Joey,

I guess I’m just not a man of words. Everything I’ve said to you yesterday came out terribly wrong. I love you so much, Jo. I’m afraid of what will be when you go to France, I can’t even think about of you living on a different continent, but I can’t and I don’t want to hold you back.

You have been offered such a great opportunity, Jo. How could I ask you to give this chance away?

Only a few weeks ago you told me that you want to make your life better, that you dream of getting out of Capeside. God, you even put up with a lousy student like me to improve your already fantastic work and get your 100 points. You dream of being granted a scholarship to a college. Now you already have a scholarship to go to school in France. You’re holding your dream in your hand, Jo... You just have to take it.

You asked me if I wanted you to go to France. How should I answer this question? I don’t want you to go because I don’t want to be apart from you. At the same time I want you to go because this is what you’ve always dreamed about. You deserve your dreams to be fulfilled. I want you to be happy. I want you to see the world.

I wanted you to make your decision without thinking about me or about us. This is something that you have to do for yourself.

I told you would make it out of here. And if you go I still expect those postcards...

I don’t want you to look back on this in a few years and regret that you didn’t took this opportunity. I don’t want you to hate me for holding you back.

I don’t know if I got it right this time. I hope you understand what I mean. Do what your heart tells you. I’ll be waiting for you to come back to me, if you still want to that is. You make me feel the butterflies, you are my butterfly, Jo.

So, to stick with our theme of expressing feelings via music I recorded a song for you. I don’t want you to run screaming because of my inability to sing so just listen to the tape. Please, don’t be mad at me, Jo.

No matter what you’ll decide, I love you. You are my everything, my butterfly.

With love,

Pacey’

Joey had tears in her eyes after she finished reading Pacey’s letter. She reached for her walkman and put the tape inside.

~*~

"So, what did your boyfriend have to say?", Bessie inquired while they were eating breakfast.

Joey smiled. "He loves me ... and he confirmed my decision."

"Everything okay again then?"

"As soon as I talk to him it will be."

~*~

The first period would start in a few minutes. Pacey leaned against Joey’s locker anxiously waiting for her. He hoped she had read his letter, he hoped he still had a girlfriend. Suddenly he heard her voice.

"Pacey!", Joey called as she spotted him at her locker. He looked tired. He had to be if he got up so early to deliver her his letter. She ran towards him, flying in his arms.

"I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you yesterday.", Joey held Pacey’s face with both of her hands, touching his forhead with hers.

"Jo...", Pacey started but Joey hushed him.

"It’s my turn now, Pace. ... I’ve read your letter and I listened to the song, I don’t know how often I listened to it... I love you Pacey and yesterday... I thought you wouldn’t love as much as I love you... because I thought you didn’t want me to stay. I know that I was wrong. Actually I knew it before I read your letter and first of all I want to tell you that I made my decision before I read it.", Joey stopped and kissed Pacey’s forehead before she continued, "You’re right. I dreamed of getting out of Capeside and I still dream about it, but that’s not all I’m dreaming of. Even more than dreaming of leaving I wished to be loved. I am loved and I love just the same. My dream of leaving has changed, sweetheart. I don’t want to leave without you, Pace. Someday we’ll both leave if we still want to. You don’t have to wait for me, because I don’t have to return. I’m planning to be wherever you are.", she gently wiped a tear that had escaped Pacey’s eye away.

"You said I was your butterfly. You are my butterfly, Pacey. ... And if I am a butterfly, you’ll have to be my wings... and I can’t fly without my wings..."

Pacey couldn’t wait anymore. He brought one hand to her hair and pulled her closer, kissing her with all the passion he felt inside of him. After a while he let them come up for air.

"What are you saying here, Potter?", he whispered.

"I’m saying that I’m not going to France. Not now and certainly not without you.", Joey kissed him lightly.

"You’re turning your scholarship down?", Pacey frowned.

"I knew you would do that. I already turned it down. I’ve told Eiger that I’m sorry and grateful for the opportunity but that I couldn’t accept for personal reasons."

"I still don’t want to hold you back.", Pacey felt unbelievably happy and afraid all together.

"You don’t hold me back. You make me do things I never thought I would do. You make me spread my wings... we just have to practice flying together... before we’re ready to cross the ocean.", Joey smiled and erased every doubts Pacey had in his mind.

"So I’m stuck with you, Potter?", he picked her up, twirling both of them around.

"Yep!", Joey wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him again.

~*~

"They had a fight. I’m not sure what she’s decided.", Dawson told Jen as they walked down the hallway.

"Well, this doesn’t look like they’re still fighting....", Jen smiled and pointed to Pacey and Joey. He held her in his arms, pressed against her locker and she had her legs around his waist. "... This looks much more than making up."

Dawson frowned. He didn’t like public expressions of affection much. It was embarrassing.

"Get a room!", Jen mocked as they approached them.

Joey looked at her annoyed. She didn’t want to be disturbed.

"Ahh, Miss Lindley,... are we a little envious this morning?", Pacey quipped without letting go of Joey.

"Me? Never.", Jen grinned.

"So, what about France, Joey?", Dawson bluntly asked.

"I’m not going.", Joey answered, tightening her arms around Pacey’s neck.

~*~

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