The moment she closed the door behind her Joey took a deep breath. She was more confused than ever before. Even more disturbing was the question what exactly it was that confused her.

"Joey? Is that you?", Joey heard her sister yell. "Yeah. I’m home".

"Good. Care to explain whose clothes these are and why they were in our dryer?" a slightly annoyed and obvious tired Bessie turned around the corner carrying Pacey’s clothes.

"They’re Pacey’s.", Joey wasn’t in the mood to talk. Especially not about Pacey , at least not before she had sorted out some things.

"And...?"

"God Bessie, can’t you leave me alone right now?" Bessie’s glance told Joey she wasn’t about to drop the subject and she’d better answered or else Bessie would be very annoyed.

Joey sighed and plopped down on the couch. "Remember our great bio project? Pacey had to ruin it by killing our snails so we had to find substitutes. We went to the tidal pool this afternoon and being like he sadly is Pacey didn’t tied up our boat, the tide came in and we had to wade through the water thus getting all wet and muddy. Before you ask I should add that I let him borrow some of Bodie’s clothes. Okay?", Joey intended to sound casual maybe even a little angry but failed miserably.

"Okay. I was just asking. It’s not the usual thing to find some boys’ clothes over here, you know." Bessie sat down next to her baby sister. Joey seemed to be very preoccupied and the fact that she was rambling worried Bessie. "What’s up with you, sis?"

"Nothing."

"I can see that it’s not ‘nothing’, Jo. Come on, talk to me. Remember? You are the one with a life... I’m just a stay-at-home-mom right now.", Bessie tried to lighten her mood and reached for Joey’s hand. "Some sisterly, girly talk would work wonders, I promise."

Joey couldn’t help herself. She just had to laugh. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad to tell her what had happened. Maybe she could straighten the thoughts in her head.

"We, I mean Pacey and I, went to the carnival and we had a really good time together. Isn’t that shocking, Bess? Pacey and I... we do not get along at all, do we? And... actually the whole day was nice. Well, I hated him for not tying up the boat, but... at the same time I had so much fun. Can you understand that?", Joey looked at Bessie who listened intently.

She didn’t give her time to answer. She felt so overwhelmed by everything that had happened and the words just burst out of her.

"Not only today was it that way but lately... I don’t know. I was really looking forward to seeing him daily for our project. He is still Pacey, a wisecrack, a doofus, a moron, a whatever... and he’s always teasing me. He just loves to make me squirm. Why the hell do I like that all of the sudden? And this afternoon he told me I was fun to be around with... and a few minutes ago he kissed me." Joey blushed at the memory of him kissing her.

Bessie had listened to Joey’s outburst and became more amused by the minute. The hell of being a teenager, she remembered it all to well. It certainly was one of the best times in life.

"So he kissed you, huh? How did that feel, sis?"

Joey gave Bessie a lopsided smile while her eyes glazed over. "It...it was amazing..." Joey blushed even more and added in a small voice "It was so much more than when Dawson was kissing me...."

"What? Come again, please. Dawson kissed you, too? When? Why didn’t you tell me?", Bessie’s eyes widened.

"Ah, it was nothing really. It was when we were all in detention a few weeks ago. We were bored and Abby made us play ‘Truth or Dare’. Dawson and Jen were all smoochy and Pacey had this attitude... We were fighting as usual. Abby dared him to kiss Jen and he didn’t want to. I started bitching and told him he’d better do what she’d said and eventually he did. It was his turn next and I guess he wanted to get back at me so he dared me to kiss Dawson..."

"My, my... aren’t you a little incestuous group!" Bessie had to bite on her lip to keep her from laughing out loud.

"Very funny.", Joey stared at her.

"I’m sorry, Jo, really. Okay... then Dawson’s kiss didn’t give you the butterflies but Pacey’s did?"

"The butterflies?", Joey cast a questioning glance at her sister.

"Yep, the butterflies. You know, it’s all about those butterflies. You said Pacey’s kiss was amazing, right? Why Joey, why was it amazing?"

"Because... because..." Joey stammered "I felt so... light, like I was flying,... and my knees went weak... and my stomach did something like flip-flops... and I got breathless."

Bessie smiled. "See, those are the butterflies. They make you fell wonderful and they are addictive. Never loose them Jo, never. Ah, Pacey awakened the butterflies in my baby sister, I can’t believe it." She hugged Joey tightly.

Her little sister was growing up. This thought made Bessie a little sad but she put it aside quickly. It was simply the way of the world.

She remembered the time their mother had told her about the butterflies. Time went by so fast, so fast.

"But it is Pacey, Bessie. I’ve never thought he would be... you know, I always thought it would be Dawson.", Joey remarked stubbornly but lacked convincing.

"Ah, Joey. Things change. If you ask yourself now, whom would you want to kiss again, Jo? Would it be Dawson or would it be Pacey?"

Joey had a shocked expression on her face. Why did Bessie always have to be so direct and... right?

"I...", she began.

"Maybe I put it the wrong way. Don’t think Joey. Whom do you feel like kissing again?"

Without further thinking Joey replied "Pacey."

She couldn’t quite believe herself. Why the hell would she want to kiss him again... and again?

"There’s your answer, Jo." Bessie nodded contently.

"What answer?", Joey didn’t understand what her sister was talking about. Everything was so confusing.

"Duh. The answer to your questions that are haunting you since the moment you came home tonight."

Bessie shook her head. Sometimes Joey was as oblivious as her childhood friend Dawson. Or the famous Potter stubbornness had kicked in. Possibly both factors.

"I can’t like like Pacey. That’s impossible. We fight all the time, he freaks me out, he..."

"... gives you the butterflies! Have you ever heard that opposites attract and that you tease the one you love most?"

"Yeah, but..."

"No buts. Do you recall the time when the two of you were the best friends in the world? You spent even more time with him alone than you did with Dawson."

"That’s soo long ago, Bessie. We were like ten or eleven years old", Joey didn’t saw the point in what Bessie was hinting.

"Right. Just why do think did your relationship change?" Bessie prodded.

"I don’t know. He got so stupid and annoying. He started the name calling and teased me whenever he could..."

"Go figure! Jeez, Joey.". Bessie became impatient. It was so obvious. She had wondered for some time now how long it would take Joey and Pacey to realize what their bantering status implied.

Realization slowly dawned on Joey. "Do you think he acted like that because..." she didn’t dare to continue.

Bessie only made a ‘Told you so’-gesture.

"I pushed him away.", Joey’s voice was small and regretful.

"Think about what you want and then do something about it, Jo." Bessie advised and got up.

After she had pushed Pacey away he had looked defeated and sad if only for a moment. She had just ignored him and his feelings because he had caught her totally off guard.

"Great, Joey. You really are a damned icequeen! What do I do now?", Joey muttered to herself.

Her gaze fell upon Pace’s clothes that Bessie had left on the coffee table. "Bessie, can you do me favor, please?", suddenly Joey was very excited. She knew what she had to do.

~*~

After Pacey had left Joey he directly drove to Screen Play Video to start his shift. At least he had something to do that would hopefully put his thoughts away from Joey and his pitiful attempt to kiss her.

He had turned on a slapstick comedy: silly entertainment for the most stupid person on earth. He had his feet propped up on the counter while leaning back on his stool.

"Maybe I get lucky, fall off and hit my head. Perhaps that will enlighten me why for God’s sake I had to kiss her." Pacey cursed himself.

Well, to be honest he knew why. In fact he always wanted to kiss her or tease her. It was the same urge like having to tug on her pigtails way back in kindergarten.

The last few years their relationship and communication consisted of bantering. It was the only thing he could do because it was the only possibility to have a relationship with her at all. Sort of at least.

He was the eternal looser, sidekick and black sheep not only of his family but of the whole town. He would never ever get the girl.

"Yeah, right. Only that I’m feeling attracted to her for most of my life now.", Pacey ran both hands through his hair.

The last few days had given him the impression that they had gotten closer somehow. Sure they had bantered and fought like always and they had only spent time together alone because of the biology project.

Nevertheless Joey smiled at him more often now. This famous lopsided smile of her that drove him crazy.

Today they really had fun together. It was such a nice day that he had to try... he had to kiss her. He was sure of his feelings now. That was exactly the reason why he talked with Dawson and asked him for his permission. For once in his life he wanted to do something right. He didn’t want to act behind his friend’s back.

Insanity, that was it what had overcome him... and megalomania. He should have known better. He never had and never would have a chance with her. After this incident she would probably never even talk to him again.

"You just had to follow your shitty manner of ‘act first, think later’, you idiot!" Pacey was truly a master in self-insulting.

After she had pushed him away he tried to compose himself and put back on his usual mask of what most people expected from him. He pretended to be goofy, easy-going, cool, everything but serious or vulnerable.

It wasn’t true. He couldn’t deal with rejection effortlessly. He was used to rejection, he ate it up but he didn’t deal with it. He had become more or less numb towards his family’s rejection but Joey’s rejection was different. He had tried not to show it but it had hurt him deeply.

Right now he just wished to be able to erase her reaction from his mind. Not the day or the kiss itself, only her reaction. The feeling of her lips was something he wanted to treasure forever.

~*~

Dawson was feeling quite alright considering the whole day that lay behind him. As he came home he saw his parents in the kitchen. They were embracing and seemed to be happier than they had been for a while.

Back in his room he fell on his bed. This was the moment when his mood changed.

The picture of his parents turned into an image of Joey and Pacey, embracing, kissing. He glanced over Joey’s picture. He felt something he had never felt before at least not concerning her. He was jealous. The thought of them together made his blood boil.

"Why did I give him my blessing? I hope it’s not too late already."

He nearly jumped out of his window, climbed down the ladder and raced through the streets of Capeside, heading to the video store. All his hopes up that Pacey was there and hadn’t done what he had announced earlier in the evening.

The time he entered the store he was fairly out of breath and worked up.

~*~

Pacey was still deep in self-humiliation as he heard someone enter the store. He looked up and saw Dawson. Of course it was him. It figured that he would show up. The golden boy came to claim his girl back from his sidekick. His life was so predictable.

"Hey, D. What’s up?", Pacey forced himself to sound casual.

There it goes. Pacey wasn’t surprised at all. If it had to be this way he would try to get a little bit of fun out of the situation. He wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t tried that.

"You kissed her." Dawson’s voice broke.

"Well, yeah. Not only that, she kissed me back." How he wished that she had done right that.

He couldn’t keep sitting under Dawson’s gaze. It was too much for him. Pacey stood up, pretending to put some tapes back into the shelves behind him.

He couldn’t stand to look at Dawson. He even retreated behind the curtain. Letting his tongue run wild was just another way to protect himself.

"She invites me in but it was a little late, so I didn't. She's cooking for me tomorrow night. She said she's always wanted to cook for the right man... I guess she's found him. We were thinking about heading up to this cozy little B&B up the coast... spend a little quality time this weekend."

Dawson’s face fell. Would Joey actually kiss Pacey? Would she be interested in someone like him?

When Pacey finally looked back at him Dawson’s features relieved noticeably. He realized that Pacey merely made up everything or most of it.

"You're so full of it."

The game was over. "Time to admit your latest failure, Witter.", Pacey thought and turned serious.

"Yes I am. So..."

"Yes he is, but not as much as you might think, Dawson."

Both boys had been so caught up in their conversation that they missed another person entering the store. When she started to speak Pacey was almost sure to start hearing voices. Joey’s voice to be precise. It wasn’t his imagination. She was really there. And if he could trust his ears he was somehow defending... him?

Pacey stared at her and realized that she was looking at him, pleading with her eyes as she talked to Dawson.

Joey had asked Bessie to give her a ride into town. She needed to talk to Pacey as soon as possible. She needed him to understand why she had reacted the way she had. That it wasn’t his fault.

As Bessie dropped her off she saw Dawson standing in the store and talking with Pacey.

"Great. Just what I need right now. Okay, calm down, Joey. You know what you want so go in there and get it!", Joey took a deep breath, encouraging herself.

Neither Dawson nor Pacey acknowledged her presence and she overheard their last few comments. She had to smile indeliberately upon hearing Pacey talking about heading to a B&B with her.

"Yes he is, ...but not as much as you might think, Dawson." Joey made her presence known and moved closer to them.

"Scratch the B&B and cooking part... but the rest, well..." Joey smiled and looked directly in Pacey’s eyes. She recognized astonishment and bewilderment there and something else, hope maybe?

"Hey, Pace. You forgot something when you left earlier.", Joey stepped behind the counter, closer to Pacey and placed his clothes in front of Dawson.

Once again Dawson was left speechless. If he had understoodd Joey correctly she had kissed Pacey. She had really kissed him and now she was here bringing him his clothes back that he apparently had left at her place.

"Pacey...", Joey’s voice held something that Pacey couldn’t quite identify. Not that he had the slightest idea of what was happening at all. His eyes widened as Joey gave him a small peck on his cheek and squeezed his hand lightly.

"Pacey, can I talk to you... in private? Sorry, Dawson.", it was the first time that she actually looked at Dawson whose face held an expression of shock.

Pacey on the other hand had a big smile on his face. He still had no clue at all, but he liked the way where things were heading to right now. He had absolutely no problem to play along.

"See D, she can’t resist me!", Pacey smirked and touched his side where Joey had playfully pinched him in lieu of his remark.

"Su..., sure. I’ll see you around... I guess." Dawson’s gaze wandered from Joey to Pacey and back again. He resisted the urge so shake his head. Right then he only wanted to escape this store and his friends. He finally nodded and left.

"Yeah, see ya.", Pacey answered and turned to face Joey.

~*~

"Soo, Potter. What brought you here, huh? Not that I’m complaining, but after ...", Pacey was unsure how to proceed. Hell, he was unsure about everything.

Joey cleared her throat. Her self-confidence threatened to leave her.

"I... I’m sorry about... you know... pushing you away, after... after you kissed me." She blushed but gave Pacey her lopsided smile.

"I really didn’t expected you to... kiss me. I meant what I said, you know? I really had a nice time today and I felt confused and surprised,... very confused and surprised... and attracted, too."

As Pacey heard Joey say that his grin grew even wider and morphed into a genuine smile. She felt attracted to him and she had come to tell him that.

"I wanted to kiss you back, but... I guess I was afraid or something.", Joey nervously tucked a stray of hair behind her ear. This was more difficult than she had thought. Anyway, there was no point of return now.

Joey felt Pacey pulling her closer to him while one hand mimicked her previous movement. Then he gently put a finger under her chin and lifted it up.

"What are you saying here, Jo?"

"Well... You don’t regret that you kissed me, do you?", Joey had to be sure.

"No! Why would I... now? I mean, a few minutes ago I might have started to regret it,... because I thought you’d despise me forever for doing it..."

"Why would you think that?"

"Maybe you pushing me might have something to do with it, my dear icequeen?"

"I’m so sorry, Pacey. I didn’t want to reject you, or push you or hurt you in any way...", Joey’s eyes were glazed over with sadness as she realized how deep she must have hurt him.

"I was so overwhelmed with ... everything..."

"Joey, it’s okay, okay? I shouldn’t have said that. You’re here now, that’s all that matters..."

"No, it’s good that you did. We have to be honest. I wouldn’t have despised you, never! So, what I’m saying is, is that I am attracted by you, Pacey... and I haven’t been thinking about someone else as you kissed me and I won’t be thinking about someone else when I kiss you again!"

Right then and there Pacey expected to wake up any minute from this unbelievable dream. The whole day had been a never-ending emotional roller-coaster and according to his book of life this would be the very moment he had to fall, but he didn’t.

"You want to kiss me again?", he smirked.

Joey nodded. "First I owe you one kiss and second I believe you owe me an hour of playing tonsil hockey as you so eloquently put it.", now she could offer him a full smile.

"I like the way you think, Potter!", Pacey’s voice was husky as he pulled her even closer.

As they kissed again the butterflies started to do somersaults within both of them.

~*~

Back to Series

Home