If government is going to put health warning labels on
beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little
truthfulness about the matter!


WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake
up with breath that could knock a buzzard off
a shit truck at 100 yards.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like an asshole.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
the same boring story over and over again until
your friends want to smash your head in.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay
things like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss
what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt
at the office Christmas party.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell ever happened to your pants
(panties) anyway.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll
over in the morning and see something really scary
(whose species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than some
really, really big biker guy named "Big Al."

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you
are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with other members of the opposite
sex without spitting.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in
the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps
of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.