Qadira
ON LESSONS
2004-06-12 21:02:35,
Lessons,"
I was chatting online with a friend earlier this evening, and have been pondering something ever since.
What is it in our nature that allows for some people to learn from what does not work, in the first or second attempt, and alter their behavior/mindset/approach in order to have a better outcome; but others seem to endlessly go through the same motions, follow the same progression, repeatedly, and not understand how come things don't change at the end?
I'm not sure there *is* a definitive answer to this puzzle. But it *is* frustrating to watch people run themselves repeatedly into the same brick wall time and again, and both give guidance/direction and watch others give guidance/direction, and have it be no more effective than standing on the beach in an attempt to hold back the tide. It's as if they don't hear, and aren't willing to step outside of their own self-centered world to actually experience empathy with something outside themself.
It's at this point when one is left to wonder if there is a set period of time you live an example, lend a hand, offer input, etc; and then you just give up on the person/people and walk away to let them sink or swim in their own time. I don't believe that anything I do is going to make someone else change or cause them to see the world in a new perspective. It might give them food for thought that will allow them to take those steps on their own.
How many times do you watch a person repeat their same idiot dance, before you lose faith that they will Ever do anything differently? How many chances does a person get to prove themself? How long before you just tell them ""go away, leave. There is nothing here for you any longer, if you are unwilling to dig deep into your soul and make some real lasting changes, instead of superficial platitudes.""
In the years I've been online, there are a handful of people who stand out vividly who fit that profile. There are many more who are more quiet with their lost floundering.
I don't think these people realize how lost they truly are. They seem to think they know who they are and where they're headed, yet their actions are so random and chaotic, as to be at odds with the very things they seem to hold as truth and reality. Until they find that core of themselves and who they really are, they won't know where to seek answers, or how to move onward. Doomed to repeat the same endless hamster-wheel of unenlightenment for years, futily pursuing what they perceive to be their path. They go through the same motions, hit the same walls, pin blame on anyone and anything handy which is outside of their personal control; and then repeat. Bizarre.
Those who would truly march to the beat of a different drummer, have to at some point learn to let go the need for validation by others. At some point, one has to learn /accept that following your heart doesn't mean you will find understanding from others, it doesn't mean life will be easy, it doesn't mean you will have people look up to you and seek you out. There are many things that a person craves, that are superficial and transitory. A deep respect, a lasting friendship, a profound insight into the Mysteries of the universe- these aren't really things you can give a person by whacking them upside the head and telling them they are being an idiot and acting like a spoiled brat and reacting badly to situations that don't go their way. But maybe if you go ahead and whack them upside the head, they will be stunned and startled into opening their Eyes to other possibilities that exist.
Which leads me to wonder what you do with the person who is willfully squinching their eyes tight shut? The one who has had many people cross their path in life and give them the proverbial whack, and yet they still walk in the same ruts they always have?
I thank my lucky stars that it is not my Task to deal with/mentor/lead any of those who I have met/encountered of the sort I've been pondering over. My patience is already tested and stretched frequently in raising children, in building and sustaining a good marraige & friendship with my spouse, in maintaining civil relations with various relatives... etc.
-Qadira