In the morning, Joe had decided which way to go. "It's up that way, because it's the only way to go." He took the keys from Izzy and found his pack of cigarettes. "OK, we're ready to go." Everyone climbed in. "I do hope we get to see my family here," said TK. "They live here?" asked Kat. "Well, used to." "But you don't know?" "No. We're not a close family." Soon, a room opened on the right. "What's in there?" asked Mimi. Joe stopped and got out. A few minutes later, he came out of the room and started up the Avalanche SUV. "What was in there?" asked Sora. "Ah ... dead people." Joe looked uneasily at TK. TK saw what he meant and was quiet after that. After a couple miles, there was a wide spot in the road, and a sign. "It looks like a historic marker," said Tai. Everyone got out to look at it. "So it is," said Matt. "Pretty boring." Boom. "What was that?" asked Kari. "A boom, numbnut," said Joe. "Hurry! Get your backpacks and snacks out of the Avalanche SUV!" "Why?" "Because we can't use it anymore!" Joe opened a door and started throwing stuff out. He took his lighter and held it aloft. The vehicle's lights were still on. "Plastic Surgery Vitims." "Oh, that's nice," said Kat, searching in her trenchcoat. She found her .38 Special and fired a couple of rounds at an unknown target. "Ah, see? Not that hard. Did pinch my hand, though." Joe smacked her. "Well, now they know where to find us, dumbass!" "We will protect you," said Tai to Kat. "You have my Superglued Knife. And my UZI Submachine Gun." He paused. "And my Corvette keys. Seriously, give them back." She frowned and tossed them at him. "Well," said Joe, drawing out a gun. "You have my 45." "And my Swiss Army Knife, "said TK, whipping it out, making every single contraption open. "Well," said Izzy," you have my Avalanche SUV/Pickup with its GPS system, but not anymore, I guess. But I have ... a slingshot?" "And don't forget our 9mms," said Mimi. Sora and Kari nodded. Everyone looked at Matt. "I don't fight," he said. "It might ruin my face. So, you have my stunning good looks and blue eyes. Not to mention my great hair." "Kick ass," said Kat. Boom... Boom. A figure appeared. A large figure. "Sasquatch!" cried Izzy. Kat fired a shot at it. Her bullet hit its foot. "I hit him!" she yelled. "That's not an accomplishment; anyone could hit those," said Matt, hiding behind the Avalanche SUV. Then the Plastic Surgery Victims came running. Everyone froze in horror at the sight of them, but then they charged. Gunshots rang out, and shrapnel and gun powder were everywhre. The Plastic Surgery Victims also had handguns. One shot hit Kat right in the back. She screamed and fell face first on the ground. "Run!" shouted Joe. Tai picked up Kat and everyone ran down the gravel road towards the stairs. "Put me down, you sonuvabitch," said Kat. Tai was so surprised that he dropped her and tripped over her. Izzy and Mimi helped pick them up and they continued running. "Go down the stairs!" yelled Joe. He stood at the top while everyone hurried down. There was no light in here. Joe followed after them, and and they hurried down the many flights of stairs before he said they could stop. "So ... Kat," he got out. "Why are you still alive? And how are you running with that damn coat on?" "Well, it saved my life!" she said. "Bulletproof. Joe's Brother gave it to me." "No shit," said Joe. "He sure is smitten." Then he stood up straight and listened. "There is some new devilry here. Run!" And they started running. Joe halted a couple of yards later, and they all ran into him."The bridge," he panted. "Hurry." He pushed them onto it. "I hate these bridges," said Kat. "Ropes twisted around rotting boards and very swingy." Matt stopped at the bridge and turned around. "Hey, I think I know that guy." Joe's mouth gaped open. "A Chiropractor. What an evil fortune. Hurry, you cannot fight him! He will make you see him forever!" Joe pushed Matt across the bridge and stopped in the middle. "You cannot pass!" he said to the Chiropractor at the end of the Bridge. "Go back to medical school and become a real doctor!" The Chiropractor said nothing, but held up a small device. It clicked. Joe gasped. "You won't fix my back!" he yelled, throwing his lighter at the Chiropractor. It fell onto the bridge and started burning through the ropes. "Whups." The Chiropractor started laughing and came towards Joe. Then the bridge broke and the two halves fell apart. They watched the Chiropractor fall into the abyss. They listened to Joe yell as the Bridge succumbed to gravity and hit the rocks that it was still hanging on to. Tai shrugged. "Well, I suppose we should go." He led them down the road and into the open air, where the snow hit them. "I almost liked it better inside there," shuddered Kari. "I can't believe Joe's gone," said Kat. "I can't believe we have no wheels," said Izzy. "I can't believe we're still alive," said Matt. "Does anyone else think that improbable?" Kat wandered into the snow. Everything seemed so surreal. Joe was dead. She was going to freeze to death. She took the Tongue Ring out. Maybe if she swallowed it ... Tai came up behind her. "I'd put that away, if I was you." She didn't move. She wished he would die, too. "Look!" cried Matt. "A limo!" "A ... what?" Kat spun around, running into Tai in the process. Tai ran to the driver's side. "Keys! Everyone hop in!" They wasted no time. Kat slid into the front beside Tai. "I don't suppose anyone brought any CDs?" he wondered to himself. "Alcohol!" exclaimed Mimi from the backseat. "Who put this here, I wonder," said Kat. "Do you suppose there's a dead body in the trunk?" Tai froze. "Do you?" "Maybe you should check." He got out and ran to the trunk. Kat couldn't see what was going on. He came back a couple minutes later and started up the Limo. She stared at him. "There was, wasn't there?" "So what if there was? No one will be able to link us to it." Kat opened the glove box, looking for a registration. "'Gisele something-or-other,'" she read. "That's an uncanny coincidink." Tai steered the Limo onto a paved road. "We just have to make our way to Iowa." The dividing screen went down. "Who wants to go to Iowa?" asked Matt. "No, wait, I used to live there." "All the Celebrities come from there," remarked Sora. "Elijah Wood, Ashton Kutcher ... uh ... " "Herbert Hoover," added Izzy. "And don't forget that Billy guy from that Entertainment show, and Hill Harper." "I'm hungry," said Mimi. "What time is it?" No one bothered to answer her. They stopped a couple minutes later for gas, and Tai bought a road map. "Everyone's staring at a Limo at a Shell," said Kat. She flipped them the bird. "Yeah, look at this." "We need to find I-79," said Tai. He looked up. "Maybe it'd do you good to learn some geography." "Fine." She leaned in for a closer look. Tai took a Sharpie and started tracing their route. "I-79 will take us to Charleston.Then we'll find I-64, which follows the Ohio-Kentucky border. The trick is not getting too close to Illinois, so we'll have to take the long way around." Kat groaned and fell back against the seat. "I am so sick of road-tripping with you. Now I feel like listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Can't I at least drive?" "Uh, sure, once we get to I-64, probably." He looked at his map again. "Ohio-Kentucky border ... Jesus, can't I read? It goes right through Kentucky." "That's gotta be boring." "OK, OK. 64 goes to Lexington, then we need to go south. So we get onto this highway, and this highway, onto 65. Maybe you can drive after that." "Tai!" yelled TK. "People are getting mad at a stretch Limo parked in front of the gas pumps!" "Right." Tai tossed the map at Kat and drove away. "This isn't 65," said Kat, studying the map. "It doesn't have a name. But we want to get to 24, I'm sure. Except that eventually goes into Illinois. I have no idea what I'm doing." "We'll find a motel and look it over," Tai replied. They stopped a couple hours later in Huntington. "Good-bye, West Virginia," said TK. "I shall miss thee." They ordered room service off a credit card they found in the glove box (Kat practiced, and could forge the signature flawlessly) and stayed up 'til 3 in the morning, watching pay-per-view movies and drinking. Tai stumbled to the door. "We gotta sleep, yo." The guys went to their adjoining room. The next morning, they ate breakfast, and the girls insisted on doing laundry (and then some shopping) and it was probably 3:30 in the afternoon when they finally left town. Tai insisted that he still drive. "We didn't figure this map out yet," said Kat, holding it in his face. "If you want to know what I think, we should not stop at Lexinton, but keep going to Louisville. Saves us highway trouble. I like the Interstate. Then we go south on 65 to ... uh ... we still have a problem with the nameless Interstate. There's no number on it at all." "Just shut up. I have a headache." They drove in silence for a while. Everyone was sleeping off their hangovers, except poor Tai who had to drive. Kat didn't sleep long, but pored over the map again. "We're not even to Lexington yet," Tai said. "Stop worrying." "I just want to get to Iowa as soon as possible," she replied. "Because I keep growing uneasy." "We shall be in Lexington about an hour. Then we can stop for gas and that damn map." His eyelids fluttered. He turned on the cruise control and unbuckled his seatbelt. "Take the wheel." "Uh, OK." She crawled over to the driver's side and grabbed the steering wheel. "I got it." Tai slid over to the passenger side and fell asleep. "Wonderful," Kat said. "I have no idea where we're going." The screen went down and Sora poked her head through. "How's it going?" "Awful. Make sense of this map and get us to Iowa." Sora took the map. "Where in Iowa?" "I don't know!" "Well, stop in Lexington, go down these highways to this Interstate, to 24 ..." Sora took the Sharpie and traced the route where Tai had left off. "Then, I suppose highway 62, then to 123, across the Mississippi into Misouri, following 80. Then we can probably go up 55." "How'd you figure that out?" "Just following lines. Look. We could go up 55 to St. Louis, but that's right next to Illinois. On the other hand, we can take it to highway 60, and follow that west until ... I-44, where we hit highway 71, which will probably go up to Iowa." She closed the map. "It just depends where we go in Iowa." "Sioux City," mumbled Tai. "OK." Sora went back to the map. Kat concentrated on road signs. About an hour later, they were coming into Lexington. Kat had had a few near mishaps on the road, not being used to the length of a Limo. "Tai!" she yelled. He woke up. "Where do I go?" "Not into town," he said, rubbing his eyes. "You want to kill us all?" He slid over to the driver's side and took the wheel. Kat climbed behind him back to the passenger side. They stopped for gas and used Gisele's card to pay for it. It was just easier. Tai looked at the map. "So ... we're not going to Louisville." Kat shrugged. "Sora planned it out." Everyone in the back was awake by now and watching "Kill Bill." "What about the no-name road?" he asked, putting the Limo into gear. "There's gotta be a sign." They did find it all right. It was actually called the "Western Kentucky Pkwy." I guess no one really bothered to read the find print on the map. But soon, they were on I-24, onto highway 62, then 123, following Sora's map. It was about suppertime, and Tai nudged Kat. "The Great River." "I don't see anything so great about it. It's not even clean." They went over the Mississippi River and stopped at East Prairie, Missouri for a late supper. "Small town eating," Izzy remarked. "Sometimes good. Sometimes shitty. Like now." "We still have a couple more hours to go," said Tai. "But I think tonight we should just switch off drivers and drive all night." Everyone reluctantly agreed to that, and Tai led them onto I-55. "Tell me when 60 comes up," Tai said to Kat. They were driving in pairs so someone could read the map. It took about 15 minutes until 60 came up, and Tai turned west. "We have a long drive at 55 miles per hour," he stated. "That's so slow," said Kat. "Missouri sucks." They stopped at 10 to switch drivers. Matt and Sora took the wheel for a couple hours. At 2, Izzy and Mimi took over. They stopped in Springfield as the sun was rising. "This Limo gets surprisingly good gas mileage," said Izzy. "Whose turn to drive?" "That's mine," said Tai. "What about me?" asked TK. "You're too short. And you just got your license. I don't trust you." They ate breakfast and were off again, in search of I-44. On the night of December 20, they rented a room in Council Bluffs, Iowa. "We should be in Sioux City before lunch," said Tai, before going off to bed. |
| The Cult of the Tongue Ring part ten |
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