| When Joe's Brother of 10th Street announced he'd be throwing a huge bash to celebrate his 21st birthday, there was much talk and excitement in Portland, Maine. Joe's Brother was rich and odd, and the whole town had been talking about him, ever since his strange disappearance and unexpected return when he was 16. Everyone believed that the home on 10th Street had a basement full of money, which is ridiculous, but this is how Maine thinks. The people were most amazed at how old he was. 21! That's ancient! Many people admired Joe's Brother, but he had no close friendships, save one: Kat, who was his roommate. He picked her to be his roomate because they had the same birthday, he thought she was cute, and he didn't want Bitch and Focker to inherit the 10th Street home when he finally died. The day of the party grew nearer. One day, a moped came into Portland, with its rear basket full. It stopped at Joe's Brother's house and started unloading. All the little children watched, because they knew that those were illegal fireworks, and where there's illegal fireworks, there's Joe. And indeed, it was Joe. He went inside with Joe's Brother and closed the door. They were sitting in the kitchen. It was silent. Joe decided to strike up a conversation. "Um ... your garden looks ... bright." "Yes," said Joe's Brother. "I like it, but I need a vacation. A long vacation." (What a way to get to the point) "So I see you're still going on with your plan." "Yeah. I made up my mind, and there's nothin' you can do to make me change it, Bluey." Joe sighed. "I guess not. Stick to your plan, then." "I am. Ha, ha. I can't wait 'til Thursday and my leetle joke." "I really don't think anyone will think it's funny." "We'll see." The closer the party came, the busier 10th Street became. Joe's Brother had put a sign on the door that said, "Go away unless it's party business!" Of course, no one really had party business. They were just going to come to the party, that's all. One morning, the people of Portland found Main Street blocked off for the party. Decorations went up. It was the day of the party. Practically all of Maine was invited, but the whole state showed up anyway. They had nothing better to do. There were plenty of activites, but people from Maine mainly (ha-ha) like to eat. They didn't stop until dusk, when Joe started up the illegal fireworks. They were illegal because he made them--no one really knew how. They got better each year, too. One of them started going up like a purple fountain, then a whale flew out of it and over the party guests, bursting over the ocean in a deafening explosion. "That means it's speech-time!" Joe's Brother exclaimed, and not too many people liked that idea. Joe's Brother stood on the table for his speech. "Hullo," he began. Everyone quieted down a bit, hoping the speech wouldn't take too long. He stood there for a couple of seconds, gathering his thoughts. "I am 21 today! Drinks all around, but mostly this way!" Everyone cheered. "Are we having fun?!" he continued. Some people shouted, "yes!" "We're here to celebrate my birthday!" Silence. Joe's Brother looked down at Kat. "Where's my speech?" She held out a folded piece of paper. "Ahem," he began again. "Give it up for Kat; it's her birthday too! She's 18 and comes into my will!" Some people cheered for Kat, but Focker and Bitch did not look at all pleased. Joe's Brother unfolded the paper in his hand. "I don't know half of you as half as well--no, wait. I like half of you less than half--wait. What the fuck?" He crumpled the paper and tossed it over his shoulder. "We all know why we're here. Um, I have an ANNOUNCEMENT!" he yelled. "I regret to inform you that 21 years is way too long to be here--" he coughed (but at least had the decency to cover his mouth), "--uh, and I'm leaving. Ouch. Good-bye." He stood there. Everyone was confused. "Let's try that again," Joe's Brother said. "Good-bye." He vanished. Gasps went through the crowd. Kat was trying her hardest not to laugh, and it was a good thing no one was watching her, because she's not a very good actress. "He's a lunatic," some said. "Terrible joke. How rude." Kat felt somewhat sad. She realized that she loved the old shithead dearly. She finished her Mike's Hard Lemonade and left the party. Joe's Brother had coughed during his speech, but he had slipped a tongue ring into his mouth when he did. It was his magic tongue ring that had been a secret ever since his journey across the country when he was 16. He had poked it in his tongue and disappeared, then walked back to 10th Street. He quickly changed clothes and took that awful ring out of his tongue and sucked on it in his mouth. Joe came in and stood behind him. "Glad to see you're visible." Joe's Brother jumped and laughed. "Did you see their faces?" Joe sat in a chair. "I know best, you know." Joe's Brother stared at him. "What?" "Sorry. Skipping ahead. But I do. Sure you want to do this?" "Of course. I'm old. Stretched to my limit. Like butter scraped onto bread." "You're weird, you know that?" Joe's Brother ignored him. "You'll keep an eye on Kat, will you? I hate to leave her behind." "Sure." "She'd probably come with me, I know it." "I doubt it." "Anyway, I've left everything to her." Joe got up. "S'cuse me? I'm your brother" Joe's Brother snorted. "Just because my name says so, doesn't mean it's true." "Well, are you leaving her that tongue ring? Since you love her so much?" "Good idea, Joe. It's in a bag on the end table." Joe went to get it. He saw nothing. "OK, where is it?" Joe's Brother sniggered. "Hold out your hand." Joe did. Joe's Brother spit it out. "How mature." Joe wiped his hand on his jeans and accidentally dropped the tongue ring. "Maybe I should just keep it," said Joe's Brother, staring at it on the floor. "Magical rings are rare and curious. I'd like to keep my eye on it. The one that's not watching Kat." Joe steered Joe's Brother to the door. "I'm just trying to help you." "Fine. Now, I have to get going, or someone will catch me." He started out the door and down the sidewalk. Joe waved good-bye. |
| The Cult of the Tongue Ring part one |
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