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LCARS
Library Computer Access and Retrieval System
How to Write Real Bad
John Doe (Shawn Thornburg)
The summer before last was a great summer that I think I�ll never ever forget as long as I live and I really couldn�t if I wanted but I don�t want to so I won�t. It was the summer I first got my first riding lesson in horseback riding the camp I went to was really great. I met this girl there. Who called herself by the name of �Gertrude� but I called her �Gerdy�. The reason I liked that camp so much is this, Gerdy and I became great friends and eventually she kissed me after like three whole days of being together in a relationship, well, not really a relationship, but more like, a �halfway going out� sort of thing. Anyway I pretty much called her my girlfriend, even though I never knew what she actually thought about me calling her that. I guess I should have gone up to her and asked her what she thought, but I couldn�t get up the guts to actually do it like I knew I should have. She was really nice and when I told my parents about her when I went home after the camp was over with they were like �Wow she sounds really nice�. So I think I�ll marry her if I ever see her again. But anyways. She had this really long hair that I liked to play with. But she told me to stop playing with it once and I had to stop I didn�t want her to hit me. She was really strong. She was like �I don�t really like it when you play with my hair, John� and so I�m like �Okay, I�ll stop�. She has this skin, too, oh man! And long legs. I was in love. Anyway, the horses were great I had a lot of fun trying to stay on their backs. One of them was named Blackie�s Cash, but I didn�t ride him, another was named Stardust Champion, but I didn�t ride her, either. Nope, the one I rode was named Frank, and he was a really, really old fart of a horse who looked more like a mule than a horse but Curly (the trail boss) told me that he was actually a thoroughbred Arabian but I had trouble believing that. I tried to saddle Frank up but apparently he�s been around humans too long and knows when someone new is trying to put a saddle on him like he�s psychic or something so he just blows up his belly like a blowfish so the saddle�s loose when it�s finally put on. I hate that. Though an old horse, that saddle sat on Frank like a glove, once it was finally put on right. (I had to trick him into thinking that was the tightest I was going to get the saddle so he�d relax and I could tighten it more�actually Curly did it.) I climbed onto Frank�s back and started going forward like I learned in the prelim classes 2 days before. Then Gerdy came up beside me on a young mare called Lily�s Wonder and I kicked her in the side to make her go forward a little and it scared Gerdy so much she got off and stayed behind while we went on the trail ride she was really mad when I got back. So that was bad. But the trail ride was great. I had a lot of fun with the horses and stuff and since I�m supposed to get some kind of moral or lesson out of this story I think I�ll say that I learned all about how stubborn horses can be and that we shouldn�t be stubborn with God or the saddle won�t fit right. The end.
  
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