Lovingly dedicated to Stephni, the Castle's resident UFer. 
Sung to the tune of "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" from the 
movie The Sound of Music. 



How Do You Solve a Problem Like UFers 
************************************* 

There's a warning I must share 
A conspiracy, beware! 
They look just like the rest of us 
Their eyes, their clothes, their hair... 
They're scattered in among us 
And they turn up everywhere... 
They've even got the Stepher in the Castle! 

They're always all around us 
They're insidious, it's true 
And it won't be very long before 
They're coming after you 
I hate to have to say it 
But so many have the view 
That Stephni's not alone here in the Castle! 


I'd like to say a word in her behalf 
Da Stepher makes me laugh!(hahaha!) 

chorus 

How do you solve a problem like UFers? 
How do you catch a fart and make it scat? 
How do you find a word that means UFer? 
A Pain-in-the-a**, a hemorrhoid, a brat...? 

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell them 
Many a thing they ought to understand 
But when their darkness looms 
Can't send them to their rooms 
Can't keep their little keyboards out of hand! 
Oh, how do you solve a problem like UFers? 
How do you make them behave in DenialLand? 


They'd outpester any pest 
Drive a hornet from its nest 
They deceptively seem guiltless, don't you see? 
They act innocent and mild 
But they're wicked, they are wild 
They're a headache, they're perverted,(more than me!) 

When they write they seem confused 
Out of focus and bemused 
And they never say just what we want to hear 
In their stories 'bout Forever 
They put Nick and Nunk together 
They are twisted, they are demons, it is clear! 

Repeat chorus 

Oh, how do you solve a problem like UFers? 
How do you make them behave in DenialLand? 

********** 

darius4evr @ Hotmail.com