WE do not own the characters of Forever Knight. People who don't love them own them. But we're seriously considering selling everything we own and bidding on them at Ebay......... In the meantime we just write silly fanfic about them and hope nobody of power notices, because we're not making any money with this. No Vampires Allowed ******************* By Sherri (with a little assistance and opposition from Teri) April 21, 2000 Once upon a time, in a happy place known to all as DenialLand, there was a Castle. This Castle was filled with many happy friends which called themselves Fanatics. And Life was good. But one day a very Baaaaaaad thing happened, and Deb became sad. All the happy Fanatics found this to be intolerable and set about to cheer Deb up. They decided a "Sound of Music" Filk was required. Silliness prevailed. No one is quite sure if it helped Deb, but everyone ELSE was having fun with it. Well.......maybe not *everyone*......... ****************** Elise dedicated the fun new filk she'd created to Deb, singing it gleefully. "Thong suit on Nunkies and nothing on Nickie Rich chocolate pops in the shape of a d----- Brown paper packages filled up with beer This little song is to give Deb a cheer...." Sherri stared, shaking her head in disbelief. "You people are sad, do you know that? Sick sick sick people....." She shuddered. She suddenly found herself humming the tune of "My Favorite Things" much to her chagrin! "Someone is gonna die!!!" she declared turning rage filled eyes to Elise. "Run now, before I get to the chorus....you will die!!!!!!!!!!! I had a music box that plays that song but thanks to your little remix I don't think it will survive the knight!" ranted Sherri, contemplating a torturous death for Elise. In response to Elise's verse, and despite Sherri's protest, Nay cheerfully added to the song. "When the vamp bites And amber eyes gleam And we take to the air, I think about all of my favorite fangs And my LaCroix is there!!!!!!" ************* Sherri placed her headset on and cranked up the volume while she created a soon to die list, mumbling to herself,"Elise.....Renee....hummm anyone else that chooses to add to this wonderful song... Bookbag where is my bookbag?? ah......there it is..." She grasped it from beside her and began extracting various items of distruction. "Dynomite....check!" "guns......check!" "Knives...check!" "tnt....check!" She disappeared head first into the book bag. "Where *is* that C4???" "Ah...C4....check!" "detonator....check!" "rocket-launcher.....check!" "Bwwwahahahahahah!! Anyone else care to sing?" Armed to the teeth and beyond, Sherri was living proof..... "There is a fine line between genius and insanity and I have just crossed over......" **************** In spite of her niece's obviously deranged and unstable condition, Teri ignored the warning and added yet another verse which fit nicely in the middle. Then the three filkers courted death itself and joyfully lifted their voices in harmony. "Thong suit on Nunkies,Nothing on Nickie, Rich Chocolate pops in shapes of a di---- Brown paper packages filled up with beer This little song is to give Deb a cheer! Long hair or buzz cuts, and sexy eyelashes Blue eyes or brown eyes can all cause hot flashes, Masculine packages tied up in bows, Favorite vampires standing in rows.... When the vamp bites, and amber eyes gleam. and we take to the air, I think about all of my favorite fangs and my LaCroix is there!!!!!!" Sherri lost all control and grasped the closest weapon. "Rocket-launcher? Ah well," she growled with an evil smirk."It will work." She took careful aim at her melodious torturers. With all three so close, one rocket should work nicely! "ARRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!" She roared in pent-up frustration and hostility, as she fired the rocket. "Die..... you all DIE!!!!!!!" There was a small explosion...well, as small as can be for a rocket-launcher....leaving three badly blackened people standing together....mind you, they were no longer singing. Sherri paused and listened dramatically. "Ah," she sighed. "Calm quiet silence....." She looked around the room at the others."Anyone else care to sing now? I still have other goodies in my bag-o-weapons......" "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" Sherri walked away chuckling evilly to herself, liking the newly established silence. *********************** WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.......by Teri (heh heh heh) *********************** Sherri loses all control and grasps the closest weapon. "Rocket-launcher? Ah well, it will work" She takes careful aim at her melodious torturers. With all three so close one rocket should work. "ARRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!" Sherri roars as she fires the rocket. "Die..... you all DIE!!!!!!!" There is an almost silent triple-whoosh, completely lost in the deafening explosion. Vachon swoops in to carry Teri off to safety as Elise is simultaneously airlifted out by Nick. LaCroix goes right to the source of the problem, impressively snatching the launched rocket from mid-air and hurling it safely into space. As Nay watches in grateful, lust-struck awe the Master Vampire advances purposefully on Sherri. Holding up one hand commandingly, he stares deeply into her eyes, his voice demanding her complete attention. "You never saw us.....This never happened......You may believe that you succeeded. You believe you saw three badly blackened people.....They are no longer singing.....now go.......go and sleep....." Sherri murmurs as if in a dream," I never saw....never happened...I got 'em, hahaha, I got 'em....." She moves off toward the castle bedchambers, "I need some sleep now......" LaCroix turns back toward Nay with a quiet smile and raising one eloquent eyebrow, he holds out his arms to her. **************************************** Handing the keyboard back to Sherri..... **************************************** Sherri, sleepwalking in an unseeing daze, walks half-way up the stairs that lead to the bedchambers. Slowly her eyes refocus, she shakes her head to clear the fog and then tries to remember where exactly she is headed and why? About-facing she walks down a few steps and gazes into the courtyard. She distinctly remembers charring three evil people that were singing an irritating song, kinda like that big f***ing purple dinasaur. Yet there is no sign of destruction, no battle zone, something is not right. Think, think, think, what do I remember....I aimed...I fired...didn't I? Something else.....a voice...eyes, ice blue eyes...someone standing entirely too close...slowly the pieces fall into place. " Note to self.....buy garlic, crosses, and squirt guns filled with holy water...." Muttering to herself as she decides she doesn't wanna play anymore.... "The only problem with living in DenialLand is all the #$%#@*@&@&#& Vampires!!!!!" ** Sherri decides then and there that she will start watching "Buffy The Vampire Slayer".......and take notes! ******* Next Morning ******************* The sound of someone merrily hammering echoed throughout the halls of the castle. All the Fanatics gathered in the Great Room, chatting and drinking coffee, looked at each other in puzzlement and raised questioning eyebrows. "Isn't that comming from Sherri's room?" someone asked. After a quick head count was taken, it was decided that Sherri *was* the only one missing and all eyes turned to Teri. Teri shrugged, then after a short contemplation said, "She did say that she wanted the corner room that gets all the sun so much of the day....." "What could she possibly be doing?" wondered Elise. "ACK! What is she doing to my castle??????????" squawked Nay. She turned to Teri with blood in her eyes. "You did say that we could do what ever we wanted to personalize our individual rooms." POUND! POUND! POUND! POUND! "Pizza Delivery" POUND! POUND " Oro? PIZZA? Who ordered a pizza?" Abra was already half way to the door before she had even finished her question. Quickly she opened the door only to be brushed past by a kid in a Papa John's uniform. Evidently he knew exactly where he was going because with barely a quick look around the room he headed for the wide sweeping staircase at the far end of the room. Quickly he was up the stairs and around the corner but the heavy scent of garlic hung thick in the air behind him. Within seconds he was back down the stairs and out the door that Abra hadn't even yet had a chance to close. "Come back when you can stay longer!" "Was it something we said?" "Hey where's ours?" "Got any chocolate?" Abra finally closed the door and turned back to the group who were all scratching their heads and looking completely bewildered. "Garlic?" Sniff, Sniff, Sniff. Overcome with curiosity, the group followed their noses up the stairs directly to Sherri's sunny corner-room and immediately came to a screeching halt. All the castle residents, known for their strong affections for vampires, stood open- mouthed and gawking in horror at the sight before them. Two wooden stakes nailed into the form of a cross on the front of the door complemented the garland of raw garlic cloves draped decoratively over the doorsill. A colorful doormat welcomed MORTALS ONLY. But worst of all, there was a sign hanging from the cross which read: "NO VAMPIRES ALLOWED! Violators will be shot with holy water." ******** Later ***************** Teri was filling the castle coffee pots in the snack alcove at the side of the courtyard as Sherri came through juggling several large bags and one small cell phone. "Whatcha got?" asked Teri. "Been shopping?" "Nooooo, what ever would give you that idea?" Teri responded with a heavy sigh and turned to look at her niece as if she would really like to club her upside her head with one of the coffee pots. "You asked," was Sherri's response to the look. "Thought I'd do some redecorating. Wanna see?" "Sure." Teri responded with all the enthusiasm of someone looking forward to mucking out the castle stables. She never had been one for "domestic" things. Sherri decided that because of the tone of voice, she was GOING to show her what she had gotten. She began pulling things out of her various bags. "Lookie, Lookie, Lookie." She held up light, VERY transparent, curtains. "Ah, those are nice. Ummmmmmmm.........what was wrong with the old ones?" "They were so.....thick, heavy, dark,like something an OLD FART would like. They didn't let in any SUN light." "Isn't that the whole point?" Teri was thinking about all the nocturnal visitors that occasionally stayed through daylight hours. "Well I like MY room to be nice and bright and cheerful and SUNNY!!!" Sherri realized that she was getting another one of those LOOKS that said she was really warped and twisted. She just grinned from ear to ear and blinked in total innocence as she repositoned her bags and headed on upstairs. She glanced back at Teri and smiled with evil glee as she deftly dialed her cell phone one-handedly. "Hello? Rent-A-Priest? Do you make house calls......I need a room consecrated........" ************************** With a sigh that spoke volumes, Teri turned back to the task at hand, trying not to think about what ELSE the "kid" might be doing to the Castle. Some of Teri's favorite people were denizens of the night, but try though she might, she'd been unsuccessful in her attempts to instill her own affection for the Undead in her niece. She shuddered at the thought of priests and garlic and Holy Water under the same roof as her beloved brown-eyed Spaniard. For that matter, how would Nick feel knowing the newest Castle Resident hated him because of what he was? And LaCroix.......egads. She only hoped that LaCroix was feeling forgiving these days....... ******* Sherri's final note...bwahaha...for NOW.....***** It's a dark castle, not evil and sinister, just dark and intentionally kept that way even on the brightest of sunny days. Dark heavy drapes cover the many windows protecting the interior from the damaging rays. It is a place that even a vampire could be comfortable. Well.....all except for one corner. This corner is bright and cheerful, all the windows are open, the light transparent curtains allow a flood of sunlight to splash into the room and strategically placed mirrors guarantee that every drop of sun from sunrise to sunset finds its way into this room. Not to worry, no one can stumble into this room accidentally to be the victim of an unforunate and untimely incineration. Said vampire would have to be very determined to reach this room, traveling down many twisting hallways passing many quiet alcoves tucked off to the sides. The last alcove before reaching the sunny room is well lit from the torches in the wall sconces and the magical lighting provided by an understanding Elf. It is well designed for cozy private converstaions with comfy seats and a coffee table. A visitor to this wing might be surprised to see an open green bottle of the Raven's finest House Special, sitting conspicuously in the middle of the coffee table. A curious mind might make one investigate the lone bottle, not noticing the fine almost invisible fishing line trailing off to the sides. An unobservant soul might not notice that when they picked up the bottle, the fishing line grew taut triggering the overhead sprinklers to deliver a fine mist of, whats this? Holy Water? Soon followed by an evil BWAHAHAHA piped through the hidden speakers in the alcove. To a Mortal this might be minor twisted aggravation. But should this unfortunate visitor be of the immortal persuasion.......I wouldn't want to be any where near this wing. ****************************** And so it came to pass that the Fanatics Castle had acquired its very own Castle Vampire Antagonist. She lives among the happy people with their Vampire-obsessions and their vampire fantasies and she plots evilness against the Undead. But don't call her "Buffy"......she doesn't want to kill them, just......piss them off a bit! Yet somehow Life continues as always in DenialLand. And it is good. ~fini (for now) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA ~Sherri~ Comments welcome, FLames will be used to roast weenies. Flames are no concern (haha I live with a Fireman dad) ** "The only problem with living in DenialLand is all the #$%#@*@&@&#& Vampires!!!!!" --A twisted semi-quote from the movie "Lost Boys" with Keefer Sutherland and Jason Patrick. We don't own them or their movie either!!! Send feedback to: sherri314 @ aol.com darius4evr @ hotmail.com