A castle Birthday-gram by Renee Tue, 17 Jul 2001 The driver from the telegram Service got out of his car and looked around nervously. he thought. He wasn't overly nervous ordinarily. I mean, sure, he got those hives right before the prom, but sheesh, his girl pormised they'd do IT afterwards! But from the minute his little beat up gremlin drove by a "Welcome to Denial Land" sign that LAUGHED at him as he past it, he'd felt a bit nervous. And truly, WHO wouldn't think twice about entering a medieval Castle, complete with moat and iron spike fence with scrollwork of bats on it and HUGE granite gargoyles playing sentry at the end of the drive? he thought, a little anxiously. With heart in throat and telegram in hand, he approached the massive door with serious misgivings. After a pull of the chain labeled "Pull for admittance", he seriusly considered the offer Domino's Pizza had made him. THEY didn't deliver out here. Anymore. After a moment the door was opened by a servant straight out of the movies. A British butler with a corncob SO far up his, um, anyway, he looked like he climbed outta game of Clue . "You rang?" "Um, I have a telegram for the Fanatics, sir." "Can you be more specific, sir, there are QUITE a few of them?" "Well, um, I'm suppossed to give it to, quote everyone currently in residence." "Very good, sir." The staid guy walked across the marble tiles to a gong, looked at the telegram geek and in a flat monotone warned, "Brace yourself, sir," before deafening him with the gong bong from hell. As the echo threatened to shatter his eardrums, geek boy heard quite a lot of swearing and moaning from various fanatics as they stumbled into the room. he thought, as he noted women in attire ranging from formal gowns to nightgowns and tee shirts to chain mail, men in elegant tuxedos and nothing but bathrobes. "Um, is this everyone?" telegram geek asked, nodding at the asembly before him? "Everyone at the moment, sir." "Okay well. Um, I have a telegram." "well, no duh, read it already!" called a woman in a sleepshirt emblazoned with the phrase "Forever Night", who had obviously, judging from her attire and bed head, had been awakedned by the gong. Um, yeah, right," telegram geek mumbled, before clearing his voice," Dear Fanatics comma Having great time in Toronto stop saw our birthday girl briefly once already stop saw her horses ass too stop plan on huge party in honor of teri's and Jeannie's birthdays when home stop you all should have come to war stop will try to round up fanatics from associated factions and all will be home soon stop don't forget to feed sparky stop Happy birthday, Teri stop Love you all stop Nay end" Achorus of "aw"'s and "when do you think they will get here?" s filled the room as the telegram geek nervously awaited his tip. As the butler went to get some funds, telegram geek glanced around the room and saw a headless ghost drift through the midst of the assembled persons. He dropped the telegram, bolted through the door and didn't stop as he jumped in his gremlin and drove hell bent out of Denial Land. "What was his problem?" asked a fanatic in an evening gown. "you'd think he'd never seen a ghost before!