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| COMPLETELY RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY |
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| It's been a while since last I recorded a random thought, so I'm going to start again. | |||
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| May 22, 2003 Flibberty-gibbit is such a great phrase. Too bad it means "Man who lost his genitals in a fistfight with pygmies." |
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| May 21, 2001 If an elephant were to say "Hello" to you, would you say "Hello, Mr. Elephant," "Hello," or nothing at all... |
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| June 11, 2001 (after brief hiatus in Florida and Grand Cayman) Monkeys are people too...wait a second...no they're not...well, they should be...yeah... |
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| June 12, 2001 Why does one have to "waste away" in Margaritaville? Why can't they just drink a lot and puke afterwards? |
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| June 14, 2001 Window Washers have to be the most annoying group of people on the planet. You tell them no, they still wash your windows, and then they expect money for doing it. Plus they leave streaks behind. One of these days I'm gonna pull out my own razor-edged squeegie, point at them, see if they shake their heads, squeegie their face, and stick my hand out to the bloody mass for a tip. |
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| June 15, 2001 If I were a dog, I would be a son-of-a-bitch, and I wouldn't be offended when people called me that. I'd be like "Yeah, so? You can't lick your own crotch." |
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| June 18, 2001 Mongooses (or Mongeese, I'm not sure) are known for their ability to kill cobras and other snakes. You know what would be neat...if we could train them to not only slay cobras but also to skin them and make boots out of them. Then they could wear their trophy, and no snakes would even think of messing with them...or you, if you have it on a leash... |
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| June 18, 2001 (Yes this is a second one I couldn't pass up writing down) Sometimes I wish I were part cat...that way I could climb out onto a ledge of a tall building as if I were going to jump to my death. Then all the television cameras would come to cover the story. And before anything could be done to save me, I'd jump...and land on my feet. I'd turn to the cameras and claim, "I am Supercatman!" |
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| June 19, 2001 I will bet money that donut holes are not actually the holes from donuts...So why are there holes in donuts? I'd rather have something that doesn't look like someone violated a pastry... |
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| June 20, 2001 Everyone takes care to buy "Dolphin-safe" tuna, which is good for the dolphins but terrible for the tuna. That's discrimination. I think they should give equal opportunity by making "Tuna-safe" dolphin...in a can... |
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| June 21, 2001 If all the world's a stage, then who's manning the box office? And who's paying to watch us? We know it's not the government, because they're sneaking in the side door to watch us for free. |
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| June 22, 2001 I have determined that sitting, staring at a blank television screen for hours on end is as good if not better than having the television on these days... Though that's extremely boring, so I generally turn the tv on and sit in a daze. Like this one time when I.......................................................................................I like cheese...................... |
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| June 25, 2001 It's sad when waking up is the biggest chore of the day... |
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| June 26, 2001 You know what I think is funny? You tell someone that they're eating fish eggs, snails, or squid, and they look at you with disgust. But you tell them they're eating caviar, escargot, and calamari, and they happily eat their delicacies... |
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| July 9, 2001 This butt was made for pooping and that's just what it'll do. One of these days this butt's gonna poop all over you... |
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| July 10, 2001 Are pornographic starlets really enjoying it as much as they appear to be, or are they just better actresses than we give them credit for? |
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| July 11, 2001 Love is a crazy thing...especially when it's charging towards you, wielding a butcher knife and screaming, "You ate my doorstop!!!" |
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| July 13, 2001 Everyone says "Look both ways before crossing the street," but they don't tell you to wait until it's clear to cross... I want someone to say, "Look both ways before crossing the street and run as fast as you can!" |
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| July 16, 2001 You know what would be the worst death in history? Ok, you're a small rodent, possibly a weasel or gopher, and you wake up from a nightmare about that bullying beaver next door only to find that you're being squashed by elephant balls... |
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| July 17, 2001 When I was little, I would run around screaming. Now that I'm older I walk around slowly, screaming... |
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| July 18, 2001 Falling in love is a good thing. Falling on love could prove to be disastrous as love has spikes sticking out that could cause permanent damage... |
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| July 20, 2001 Eating a whole jar of prunes could prove disastrous, especially if in the obituaries the next day it says "Death by over-pooping... He is survived by mounds and mounds of poop..." |
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| July 23, 2001 And the Lord said, "Uh oh, that's not what I intended." So he destroyed the human race and brought dinosaurs back. |
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| July 24, 2001 Never leave your glass unattended at a party...and make sure it has a designated driver...it's drunk...at least it might be if you leave it attended... Some guy comes along and says "Yum, alcohol..." The next thing you know, your glass of alcohol is drunk... |
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| July 25, 2001 If dog was spelled C-A-T and cat was spelled D-O-G, would the movie "Cats and Dogs" still be called "Cats and Dogs" or would it be called "Wombats: Killer Rodents"? |
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| July 28, 2001 The movie industry is starting to make as much sense as eunuchs procreating... |
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| August 10, 2001 There are funny comedians and unfunny comedians. The funny ones are famous because they're funny. The unfunny ones are famous because the devil has a sense of humor... |
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