Wausau today. Then, let's think about all of the guys that were walking
around Wausau today. Now, do you think this is a good combination?
I'll give you three guesses . . .
Well, if you answered "yes", I hate to tell you, but you are incorrect.
So, after extensive conversations and confrontations with various gentlemen
today, we have come up with a great list.
This is Sarah's List Of Qualities In A Potential
Boyfriend/Husband/Significant Other.
1. To quote the Great Janice, he must have books. Note: Comic books don't
count.
2. If he has to support me with his Social Security check, he's a little out
of my age range.
3. His hair cannot be longer than mine.
4. I have 7 piercings (4 holes in one ear, 3 in the other). If he has more
than that, he is disqualified.
5. No Calvin Klein models.
6. Matt Damon look-alikes are A-OK.
7. No death traps, woodies, or slug bugs.
8. I am, as my necklace says, perfect. He must treat me like I am.
9. He does not meet the requirements if he is currently making child support
payments.
10. No sucking on cancer sticks.
11. If he is currently wearing a wedding ring, or holds hands with
his "sister" in Kohl's, he is out of my league.
12. Less than 5'6" is too short, more than 6'6" is too tall.
13. No psychotic killer outfits.
14. No hillbilly teeth.
15. Mousse and gel are acceptable. Just remember, hair spray is flammable.
Well, that's the list that Miranda, Beck, and I came up with. There were
more, but we were probably laughing too hard to remember them.
So, it's a stupid list, but you've gotta take what you can get, I guess.
And, if you know of two good looking guys with glasses who were speeding
along Highway 29 in their purplish/black Blazer-type vehicle with a fuzz-
buster on their dash, let me know. Miranda would like to tell them that they
were supposed to take the Athens exit!
-Sarah, Miranda, and Beck
*Thanks to Miranda for talking to me about gym class, Harry Potter, and the
politically incorrectness of holidays and how they relate to school
vacations.