February 13th and not the 14th, but I'm going to send out a Valentine's Day
dose tonight anyway because I have a lot of classes and won't have time on
the real today to write this. And, half of you are probably going to end up
reading this today (even though the "today" that I'm talking about is
tomorrow right now for me...) so it will make sense. But for those of you
who are reading this within 2 1/2 hours of me writing it, you are going to
have to do like me and pretend that today is not really tonight but tomorrow.
Well, you know what I mean. (Hey, it's my job to confuse you.)
So, after all of that clarification, Happy Valentine's Day!
Or, to translate for some of you out there: D�a Feliz De Valentine!
This one is for Mrs. Riske and my relatives who live in Quebec: Jour Heureux
De Valentine!
And, one more for those of you who share a little of my German background:
Gl�cklicher Tag Valentine!
And, one more layman translation for those of you who are wearing anything
with lack of color (yes, Beth, this means you!): Happy Black Death Day!
Hmm, did some of you not realize that there are all of those crazy people
wandering around wearing red and hearts and those cute little diapers and
carrying around heart-shaped arrows today?
Now, what, you may ask, is everyone obsessed with on February 14th? I mean,
February 14th is no different than any other day, right?
Well, almost right. Except for the fact that people are walking around with
little cartoon hearts throbbing in their eyes and images of Cupid floating
around in circles above their heads.
Actually, I think I've figured it out...
Are you ready for Sarah Belanger's Great Explanation of Valentine's Day?
Here goes:
Valentine's Day is an overly commercialized holiday co-invented by Hershey's
and FTD so that they could find an excuse to sell people over-priced flowers
and chocolates. Hallmark also had a whole stack of lovey-dovey cards that
they needed a market for, and got in on this whole Valentine's Day scheme.
And, just so they wouldn't feel inadequate, the company that produces red
dye? They heard about the master plan and -- boom! -- red becomes the
official color of Valentine's Day.
You may be asking, well, what about that saint who lived a long time ago
whose name was Valentine? Well, let him make up his own mailing list; this
is my stupid story for today.
Actually, in all seriousness, I buy into all of the Valentine's Day hype just
like the next sap. I sent out some cards. I plan on seeing some people and
telling them at random, "Happy Valentine's Day!" And you know what? They
will probably say it back to me.
I think the real reason that I like Valentine's Day can be summed up in one
word, though:
Chocolate.
I know that most of you will agree with me. I can just see you, whether
you're eating those little chalky message hearts, chomping on some Nabisco
chewy chocolate chip cookies, or sucking down 5 gallons of butterscotch
pudding, all of you are now thinking: mmmmm, she said the "c" word.
Ready? In your best Homer Simpson stunned and bewildered 'donut' voice, say
it with me:
"Mmmmmmmm.........Chaaaaawwwwwklaiiiiiiiiit........"
Well, now that I've brought it out in the open, go buy into Hershey's big
scheme and do St. Valentine a favor eat some chocolate for me, too.
Love,
Sarah
*Note: In no way is the author of this dose affiliated with Matt Groening or
Hershey's. There is no reciprocation of funds being dealt between these two
and the author. She just feels that you should watch Futurama or The
Simpsons and buy some chocolate.
Happy Valentine's Day!