But, you will be happy (I hope) to know that I've got lots of good Dose
material stored up in my head from the last week; so they should be back to
almost Daily.
So, here goes:
I was sleeping this morning.
Great intro, huh?
Anyway, I was sleeping this morning. I didn't have class until 11, so I
figured I could sleep until 10. (OK, this is the point where you all groan
and say, "Lucky duck! I didn't get to sleep until 11. You're pretty lazy!"
But, let me set you straight. I didn't get back until around 11 or
midnightish last night. I was karaokeing. It was cool. I didn't win. I
lost to Mr. Percussion, whose real name is Mike, and he's got a really good
voice. That, and the judges were all chicks, so he sang "I can't help
falling in love with you" and they all swooned. Oh, well, I brought the
house down with "Earl had to Die." Just ask Sara and Steph. It was cool.
Oops. Where was I?
Oh, yeah. So, I didn't get back until late last night, and Sara and I were
really hyped up, and you all know that it's impossible to sleep when you're
hyped up, and as long as you don't have an 8am class then you can stay up
past 11, and that's what I did, so I was sleeping this morning.
Now, what's the worst thing that could happen while you're sleeping?
That's right, the phone rings and wakes you up. And, being on the bottom
bunk, I had to get up and answer it.
So, eight o'clock this morning, the phone rings. I am having a very
wonderful dream where I am about to get married to Prince Charming, when, all
of a sudden, Prince Charming's shoe starts making this awful "blring,
blring!" noise. So, he takes off his shoe and ends up dropping it over one
of those magical cliffs that can appear at any time in a dream. Well, Prince
Charming leaps off of the cliff to save his irreplacable, noisy shoe. And
what do I do? Fall out of bed and realize that the phone is ringing. My
alarm clock hasn't even gone off yet, and some person decides that they are
going to call and jolt me from my sleep.
Ok, so that's not quite how it went. Yes, the phone rang at 8. No, I wan't
dreaming about Prince Charming (I was probably dreaming about an evil troll
wreacking havoc on a poor little tuba, or finding out why tweed is better
than courdoroy, and how polyester is not the name of two women. I don't
know. Either way, I was sleeping, Ok?). No, I didn't fall out of bed. Yes,
I was rudely jolted from sleep.
So, what's the point of all this? (Yes, smart alec, there IS a point.)
Well, the person who decided they needed to get me out of bed was . . .
(hum some trumpet fanfare or spooky halloween theme, this'll get the right
effect either way)
. . . a telemarketer.
A very big unenthusiastic "yea" from the audience.
This Dose is now about how persistant telemarketers are.
Let's pose some questions about telemarketers:
1. When they call, do they really want to talk to you?
2. Are they always looking for the person they ask for?
and, last but not least,
3. WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!?
So, #1. No, they don't want to talk to you. When they ask in their twangy,
nasaly, sound-like-they're-in-a-closet voice, "How are you today, ma'am?"
they don't really care if you broke a nail or chugged a can of Mountain Dew
in a new world record. All they want to do is take up your precious time and
annoy you.
Let me demonstrate. I answered the phone this morning. Obviously, I sounded
like I had just woken up. Did this chick care? No.
#2. No. They'll talk to you even if you have no idea who they asked for in
the first place.
Again, let me demonstrate. This lady asked to speak to Sara(h). The
parenthases around the 'h' mean that it could either be me or my roommate.
She doesn't have an 'h' and I do. It confuses people:
her: "Hello, how are you today?"
me: "(groggily) eh? uh, ok, i guess. (yawn)."
her: "May I speak to Sara(h), please?"
me: "huh? uh, which one?"
her: "Er...well, the younger one."
me: "We're both the same age."
her: "Well...the college student, then."
me: "uh, yeah. We both are."
her: "(disappointed and bewildered) Oh. . . well. (perky and fast-paced) Let
me tell you about Verizon's new credit/calling card. Blah, blah, blah."
At this point I told her I wasn't interested. She kept talking.
Now, I'm not generally a rude person (ok, stop laughing). But I didn't feel
like putting up with this chick, so I hung up after telling her, for the
third time, that I wasn't interested.
Back to answering my points.
#3. Because it's their job. Yes, we all hate what my family refers to
as "stupid calls." But, do you realize that these people are just trying to
do their job?
I wonder if you need any special training to be annoying like that?
I know I didn't.
OK, I'll admit, this Dose really had no point. But, do any of them? Not
really.
I hope you enjoyed today's Daily Dose of Stupidity. Stay tuned for more
episodes and the brand new board (bored?) game coming out sometime; probably
just in time for Christmas (and not before, otherwise people would realize
how stupid it is and then no one would buy it to give away as presents).
Hmm. I think it's time for me to go now.
-Sarah
www.geocities.com/darah_bel