A Collection of Random Quotes
*Some of these are credited, others are not because I don't know who said them.  Sorry!
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
            -The Flying Karamotzov Brothers
People who keep their feet firmly on the ground have trouble putting their pants on.
            -Kanika Bahl
"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination."
                                                  -Einstein


"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
                                                  -Einstein
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.  Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
            -Groucho Marx
Music is the effort we make to explain to ourselves how our brains work. We listen to Bach transfixed because this is listening to a human mind.
                   -Lewis Thomas
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
         -William Shakespeare
"We all go a little mad sometimes."
                            -Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates in Psycho
We have so much time, and so little to do!
Wait.  Strike that, reverse it.
                         -Willy Wonka
Why yes -- a bulletproof vest.
                       -James Rodges, murderer, on  
                         his final request before the                           
                         firing squad
An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
           -Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Dance like no one's watching, love like you'll never be hurt, sing like no one's listening, live like it's heaven on earth."
-William Pukey
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
                                                  -Herm Albright
Here's one for all of the students in Advanced Math with me:
"Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important."
There are two essential basic strategies for success in business:
1. Never reveal all you know
There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.
Those who laugh last think slowest.
Just think of what smart and beautiful children we could have!
                   -Marilyn Monroe after a date with Albert Einstein

Yes, but what if they ended up with my looks and your intelligence?
                    -Albert Einstein's response
Always wear deodorant; if not for you, for the sake of others.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
My mother's obsession with the good scissors always scared me a bit. It implied that somewhere in the house there lurked: the evil scissors.
-Tony Martin
There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness.

~ Marguerite Gardiner Blessington
One is not born a genius, one becomes a genius.
-Simone de Beauvoir
The creative person wants to be a know-it-all. He wants to know about all kinds of things:
ancient history, nineteenth-century mathematics, current manufacturing techniques, flower arranging, and hog futures. Because he never knows when these ideas might come together to form a new idea. It may happen six minutes later or six months, or six years down the road.  But he has faith that it will happen.

~ Carl Ally
Why do today what you can put off till tomorrow?
In a mad world, only the mad are sane.
-Akiro Kurosawa
"There's a very fine line between a groove and a rut; a fine line between eccentrics and people who are just plain nuts."
-Christine Lavin, "Prisoners of their Hairdos"
If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved.

~ Russell Lynes
There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.
  -Pablo Picasso
I suppose it is much more comfortable to be mad and not know it than to be sane and have one's doubts.
-G.B. Burgin
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
-Angela Monet
I just want to know how people with multiple personalities fill out their census papers.
Writing is nature's way of letting you know how sloppy your thinking is.

- Bob Mugele
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

- Rita Mae Brown
Remember, it's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?"
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."

- Popular Mechanics, 1949
I can explain it to you, I just can't understand it for you!
Music is evidence that beauty, mathematics, and time all live in the same neighborhood.
Whoever first said, "Hey, man!" was to become the most widely quoted dude in modern times.
Our enemies teach us lessons that our admirers never can.
Your real name can't be spelled or pronounced--only lived.
In a nutshell, be a nut.
When one sits to meditate, the mind may at first sound like a jukebox in a cathedral.
Thank God if your car breaks down more often than your body.  Some bodies are lemons.
Spouses who loved the caterpillar may hate the butterfly.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
-Helen Keller
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts.
-William Shakespeare
My mother said to me, "If you become a soldier, you'll be a general; if you become a monk, you'll end up as the pope." Instead, I became a painter, and wound up Picasso.
-Pablo Picasso
I hold that the parentheses are by far the most important parts of a non-business letter.
-D. H. Lawrence
To love is to be vulnerable.
-C.S. Lewis
At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.
-Plato
You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong
Music is the key to the female heart.
-Johann G. Seume
Friendship is constant in all other things, Save in the office and affairs of love.
-Shakespeare
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
The nice thing about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
Sometimes I think I understand everything.  Then I wake up.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited over nothing, and then marry him.
Men are like a fine wine:
They all start out as grapes,
and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship -- never.
Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them.
-Charles Simic
Today, if you are not confused, you are just not thinking clearly.
It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.
-Jeseph Joubert
We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view.
-Bob Dylan
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
-Douglas Adams
It takes a person who is wide awake to make his dreams come true.
Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
-Henry Ward Beecher
I don't care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it.
-William S Burroughs
It is the friends you can call at 4 am that matter.
Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right
-Henry Ford
There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.
When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.

   -Cynthia Heimel
Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
   -T.H. Huxley
Most people are about as happy as they've made up their minds to be.
  -Abraham Lincoln
There is a fountain of youth: It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring in your life and the lives of people you love.
  -Sophia Loren
A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.
   -Sanskrit Proverb
Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; argument an exchange of ignorance.
    -Robert Quillen
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   -Solomon Short
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
   -Billy Sunday
Dreaming premits each of and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
     -William Dement
All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible.
            -T. E. Lawrence
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move dead bodies.
Soy un perdedor.  I'm a
     
          -Beck
, baby.
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
    -Henry David Thoreau
It's ironic that you would use a language as large as English to express so small a thought.
For of all sad words of tongue or pen
The saddest are these: "it might have been!"
      -John Greenleaf Whittier
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
    -William Shakespeare
Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.
       -Goethe
"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."
     -excerpt from "The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy"
"I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis."
"I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month."
"You are so unhip I'm surprised your bum hasn't fallen off by now."
         -Zaphod Beeblebrox
If you steal ideas from one source, that's plagiarism, but if you steal ideas from more than one source, that's research.     --Laurendo Almeida
"God created memories so that we might have roses in December."
(Go Back)
?      ?     ?    ?
If half a duck can lay half an egg in half a day, then how long does it take for a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a pickle?
                                    -Jason Snoddon
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