"My mom almost ran over a raccoon once."--Amanda
"Yeah, we saw a run-over one on the way here."--Missa
"They're not as cute as the live ones."--Amanda
"She's, like, the 'Casper the Friendly Ghost' of lesbians."--Sean
"Check this out. This is messed up. There's a picture of Jesus, then a statue of Jesus, followed by Esmerelda and a cute little pony."--Sean
"I know she's not dumb, because she's got crazy-good linguistic skills."--Sean
"What the hell does that mean?"--Missa
"Who wants to touch my little man in the boat?"--Missa
"Just call me Captain Kayak!"--Sean
"Someone has to make a sex noise now."--Bekah
"NO!...that's my sex noise."--Amy
"Incest: the game the whole family can play."--Missa
"Brought to you by Parker Brothers!"--Amy
"My sister has rats."--Catherine
"Well, I guess it's better than having crabs!"--Sensei
"Bunnies don't make noise, unless you, like, squeeze 'em really hard."--Missa
"Where should we stick these?"--Amy
"I don't think you should ask me that right now."--Sensei
"If you come down here, I'll make you a permenant member of my gender!"--Waner
"Can I go take a bath?"--Alex (in Japanese, trying to ask if he could use the restroom)
"If they don't turn on the air-conditioner in this building, we should be getting vouchers for deoderant."--Mrs. Rieken
"Have you ever had a dream where you're a Frito floating in a toilet bowl?"--Cortney
"I don't even want to tell you what that means."--Sensei
"Just because it doesn't exist doesn't mean it's not real."--Alex
"Korean chair humping should be an Olympic sport!"--Missa
"Ryan, Chris, and Cortney better put a sock in it before I do it for them."--Sensei
"So then I ate Cheetos, and then I stuck 'em up my rump, and sat down, and had a good time."--Mr. Nelson (proving that almost nobody was paying attention to anything he was saying)
"That's really school, man."--Catherine
"It's the schoolest."--Daria
"Atsui means thick and hot? So if I say that to a girl, I've got a 50% chance of getting hit?"--Cortney
"Whiners are wieners, and you're looking like Oscar Meyer out there."--Mrs. Rieken
"I have a whole barrel of wet noodles, and the beatings will begin."--Mrs. Rieken
"Earl, for $500 and a case of Red Baron pizza, what does 'relief' mean?"--Mrs. Rieken
"Jesus!"--Nate
"No, it's during Lent. He's busy."--Mrs. Rieken
"You know what you should do, Mrs. Rieken?"--Nick
"No, that's illegal. They'd never let me do that. OH! What should I do, Nick?"--Mrs. Rieken
"I bet his hand would drop the calculator if his head flew off."--Sensei
"Honey, will you pull my foot out of my mouth, or is it in too deep?"--Kristen
"They ate a zebra, for Peter, Paul, and Mary's sake!"--Angela
"Stop kicking me, damn it! What'd I ever do to you?"--Sensei (to her unborn Abigail)
"He says, 'I'm their father!' I'm thinking, 'Yeah, thanks, sperm donor.'"--Sensei
"Oh, kiss my ascot!"--Missa
"So, how are the smurfs?"--Shannon
"Recovering..."--Catherine (with a blue mouth)
"Karma...that's the thing where what you do in this life'll be back to bit you in the butt in the next life, right?"--Aaron
"Warning: Shoplifters will be violated. Wanna steal something, baby?"--Daria (answering the phone)
"Yes, Aaron. Pedophile is spelled with a 'T'. Oh, and by the way, a pedophile is someone who likes to walk a lot."--Catherine
"Yeah, walk to the Children's Shelter!"--Blaine
"Why do they do it in China?"--Kristen (on Chinese Fire Drills)
"Card trip...carstr...ahh! Can't speak, get naked."--Sean
"We could steal it, and put it under our shirt, and if anyone asks what it is, we could say it's a birth defect!"--Shannon
"I'd like to thank the Academy, and all the little people I stepped on to get here."--Ezra
"Normality was invented by someone who wanted to make everyone else feel inferior."--Catherine
"What's the percussion doing?"--Theresa
"They're doing weird stuff with cymbals and violin bows."--Mr. Loupe
"Sounds like a rough night!"--Jennifer
"No, no! It takes wind to play a wind instrument!"--Mr. Loupe
"Dangit! I knew we were missing something!"--Jennifer
"I don't listen to this kind of music normally."--Catherine
"You don't do anything normally!"--Mom
"My water has lemony goodness!"--Blaine
"My wife and I are having a baby."--Mr. Nelson
"Is that why you were late?"--Sean
"No, that is not why I was late!"--Mr. Nelson
"Well, Mr. Nelson, you were out of breath..."--Mike
"Sometimes they play like football players, sometimes they play like menopausal heifers in headgear."--Mrs. Rieken
"He's going to seduce her with the flowers, duct tape her to a chair, and have his way with her...right?"--Puppy
"First you wet your pants, now you're lactating. Steven, control your liquids."--Sean
"Food? What are you talking about? I don't eat food. I eat babies."--Blaine
"Ladies, all I can say is, get a sex change operation."--Ms. B
"Cortney, there's a quiz on Wednesday! May I personally invite you to take it?"--Sensei
"Am I supposed to be able to read these words?"--Sensei
"It's my small pencil."--Cortney
"Mine's smaller."--Jeff
"Funny, that's not usually something guys brag about."--Sensei
"Gummi Bears scream when I eviscerate their mushy, candy-coated innards, leaving in my wake a trail of rainbow-colored carnage..."--Terran
"It means, 'please show me yours'. We're not talking glandular, we're talking, like, homework."--Sensei
"It wasn't sexy enough in here. I had to take some clothes off."--Sean
"I put 'uncle'...isn't that close enough?"--Rylan
"I hope your uncle didn't father you. That would be wrong."--Sensei
"Are you here for the dog?"--Mrs. Driscoll
"I'm, uh, looking for Mrs. Rieken..."--Mr. Lamanna
"Randall, that's another false start. One more, and you're out of the Olympics."--Mrs. Rieken
"And that's multiply in the mathematical sense, not like rabbits."--Sensei
"OK. Any of y'all kiss me, and I'm gonna be scared."--Janine
"Oh, come on, Janine. Feel the love!"--Sensei
"The Protestant religion came into power because Henry the 8th was a horny guy."--Ms. B
"I'll make you feel better through the magic of my pants."--Sean
"It's going to say F, not U. Not FU, just F."--Sensei
"Get off me boat, or sure'n I'll gut yer waggin' tongue out and feed it to me dogs!"--Aaron
"Your problem is that Jesus is in the drain, and it's made of pretzels."--Sean
"Please write the sentence, 'I have not experienced tossing the salad'."--Sensei
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