So, every once in a while a person goes through times in which one feels like one should better oneself. This is a story of such happenings…

I recently bought batteries for my scale. Huge mistake. Never should have done it. I was happy with my ignorance. I liked not knowing how much I weighed. Ignorance was my bliss. But nevertheless I bought some lithium batteries for my scale. It took me another couple of weeks to put them in and try out the scale.

As I stepped upon the scale I’m pretty sure I heard the plastic casing start cracking. I didn’t want to look down to see what the scale read. It was at this moment of gazing upon the statistical mass that was my frame that I realized the fun was over. No more late night snacks, no more fast food for lunch everyday, no more vast amounts of a heavenly substance known as Mountain Dew.

It was shortly after this moment that I came up with a plan. A plan to loose 40 pounds. It started with exercise. A ritual that I inherently despise. Due to the opposition I have toward this atonement for gluttony, I decide that the only way that I would stick to this is if I had to do it. So, I made the decision to get up at 6 a.m. every weekday and walk.

I hate it.

There are a few things that are enjoyable about walking at 6 in the morning. One is the weather. It’s very cool. And for a big guy like me, I don’t need a reason to perspire. It’s also very calm. This is good because I’m walking with my Jack Russell named Lil Mojo. She doesn’t need much motive to chase things or to rebel against my wishes.

I can’t say that I’m adapting to the situation. I love my sleep. Sleep is so awesome. The other morning it was about 65 degrees in my room. I had the fan on me. I also had the window fan on. I was lying on my favorite pillow, wrapped in my favorite blanket, and probably dreaming about fighting some mythical creature. Then that freakin’ alarm went off and I had drag myself out of bed and stumble around the block with my eyes half closed.

The other day on my walk I did turn the corner and saw the sunrise. It was just coming up and was painting the sky this calm shade of orange. I haven’t seen the sunrise much in my life. And gazing upon the majestic splendor of this sight, I have to tell you that it is really not worth losing sleep for. If you want to see a sunrise, buy a postcard or something.

Anyway, first week is over and I lost 4 pounds. I have a long road to go and I really want to go on record and say that if I die doing this, which I probably will, I want this to go on my epitaph: Please step away. You are standing on my hand.