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| Ask Super Sassquatch |
| Lacy asks: I've been craving your advice on my friend Steve's love-life situation. He doesn't have one. Since you know so much about talking to girls and stuff, what would be your advice for him? (He shall remain un-named to protect his guilt... Oh, wait. I guess I said his name earlier. Nevermind.) Super Sassquatch: Well Lacy (if that is your real name), I would say your friend "Steve" is a real loser. You really don't need to know how to talk to girls much because they're really not interested in what guys have to say. The key is to look tasty. Take me for example; I'm a big slice of man pie. Did that happen over night? No. It took hours and hours, days and days, months and months, years and years of sitting around on my bottom eating marshmallows and pop tarts to get this figure. So Steve, I'm going to run through some simple tips on how to get a girl's attention. First, wear lots of cologne, I mean buckets of it. Women love that stuff. Next, tattoo their name onto your arm without even asking, they'll love the initiative. Next, forget flowers and chocolate, the real key to a woman's heart is beef jerky. I'm telling you, they love it. Also, repeat everything they say, word for word. They'll love that you're paying attention. Finally Steve, remember if you can't beat 'em join 'em My mom asks: It seems all great people have had a great mother. You seem like a great person. Super Sassquatch: Yes, greatness seems to be passed on to your offspring. And it is because of my mom that I am great at writing stories about blowing my self up by passing gas. It's the creative gene. Darrin asks: I say the lyrics, you name the song. "Somethin' somethin' somethin' somethin' somethin' somethin' to hold me close when I don't know" Super Sassquatch: How am I suppose to name the song when you don't know half the words? Figure out what those "somethin's" are and maybe I can tell you. Connie asks: My question is this: You seem to have such a great sense of humor. You must have had a great mother to turn out the way you have. What is she like? Super Sassquatch: Thank you I do have a good sense of humor. Sort of like my mom who asks her son to brag about her on his website! But I'd say a lot of my humor comes from my family and yes from you, MOM. My mom, is generous, loving, caring, giving, humorous, giving, generous, giving, oh, and giving. Can I have some money? Darrin asks: What do you think would happen if the whole world farted at the same time? Super Sassquatch: The results would be astronomical. There are two possibilities. If it was mostly SBDs all plant life would wither and we would eventually die. If everyone actually "ripped one" space and time would actually stand still. After they were put back in motion dams would burst, volcanoes would erupt, earthquakes would spread. It would bring on a new ice age. Nothing would survive. But I've been around you when you've let one. So, I doubt it'd be too worse. |
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