But Mom ... He Just Followed Me Home!

Right then, no doubt many of you clicked on the link to this page wondering what the hell I could mean by "But Mom ... He Just Followed Me Home" -- I imagine this to be the case considering I have had people speculate that it could mean anything from a description and photo of my boyfriend to a description and photo of my pet (and some of you more witty fellows put those two together in one breath...). For the record, all the guesses were wrong -- so if you have a bookmaker to pay off now ... what the hell were you doing betting on something like this anyway? I think you have a gambling problem ... Herein you will find what I am looking for in a man. Aside from the obvious -- a heart a spleen, two kidneys, two lungs, veins and arteries, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera (a tip of the hat to Rodgers & Hammerstein) --  I do have a few things that are "must-haves" (as opposed to Must-See, no offense NBC) about the man who will successfully bring me to settle down from my diasporate ways. Now, bear in mind, if you read this list and say, "waul shite, that's me, mate!", the whole will definitely be greater than the sum of its parts; what I mean by this is that there will have to be a certain something indefineable about Mister Right -- a random variable, if you like. By all means feel free to chat me up, but don't be slicking back your hair, buying long-stemmed roses, and practicing your proposal. Though if you do possess these traits, call that bookmaker again and get the odds, as they aren't too shabby. Then again, if you're calling a bookmaker about such things, don't waste my time -- I don't need a compulsive gambler on my hands.

The capability to carry on a polysyllabic conversation is important. And if you are scratching your head at the term "polysyllabic," hit the showers, slugger -- you're out of this game already.

A slightly twisted sense of humor is a great thing -- if you are familiar with Monty Python, the Algonquin Round Table, and Oscar Wilde, continue playing our game. If not, there may still be hope, so you can stay on the field as well.

A wide open mind is an excellent feature -- and if you think I mean in terms of sex, then you've fumbled the ball. What I mean by that is your mind should be like a discriminating sponge: soak up everything you can, be but wise enough to discard what's ridiculous.

A quirky approach to life is always good -- if your paradigm of the world is strictly mainstream and typical, ask yourself why you buy into a prefab lifestyle? Go your own way!

Physical attraction is important, but I put it at the end for a reason, as it's not the most important. No doubt you now think me shallow, but if I'm not attracted to you physically, then there's absolutely no way that we're going to have a sexual relationship.

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