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GUYS YOU NEED TO GET INTO Jacob Tomuri By Indie |
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Thankfully
for me, upon investigation I have found out that this guy is twenty-one,
so I can’t go to prison or get stoned in the streets, but the fact
that his star turn is on a kiddies TV show doesn’t bode well, and
makes me look kinda pathetic. To
make sure that everyone understands I am not a paedy, I shall be age
dropping throughout this article. I
would also like to add that I am twenty-three so it is okay for
me to be crushing on a twenty-one year old.
No, seriously, it is. Meet
Jacob Tomuri, twenty-one year old stud on a stick, who plays blue-haired
twenty-one year old Lieutenant Luke in The Tribe (Saturday afternoons on
Channel Five, and not porn – what is the world becoming?). For background, The Tribe is about a bunch of kids surviving
after a deadly virus wipes out the adult population. The kids bunch up into tribes for family and protection, and
fight each other with big sticks for power.
It’s all a bit Twelve Monkeys cum Lord of the Flies, minus
Bruce Willis getting his middle-aged ass out, thankfully because middle
aged asses are all dead. Jacob’s
character, Luke, was a high-ranking (twenty-one year old) member of The
Chosen, the cult-ish nutters of the Tribe world.
He was second in command to The Guardian, the crazy ass leader
who, apart from having really bad mullet-eous hair, made poor Luke trot
around the place in a freaky white dress with long sleeves, an Elvis
quiff and a pink bindi. That
my friends is the mark of true evil.
Anyone who forces their henchmen to wander round in a dress while
they strut their stuff in an Elvis Does Vegas white and purple cat suit
thingy is the Devil, trust me. Dress
aside; Jacob (twenty-one) is a hottie.
And he’s actually a blonde.
Obviously I knew the blue hair was a dye job, but for some reason
I just assumed he had black, or dark brown hair.
There’s some logic to me somewhere, I swear to God. The
costume designers on the show have finally come to their senses, and
nowadays Jacob skips about the Tribe set in some wicked psychedelic
skate-boy gear and spiky punk rock hair.
And his character is a nice guy.
See, he might have kissed serious ass to get to second in command
to the Big Bad, and been responsible for killing their enemies and
stuff, but in actuality he’s just a poor misunderstood soul who just
wanted to make the world a better place.
Aww, how can you not love that?
His character is a good guy now, and in lurve with Ellie who’s
a bit of a skank, but hey, as long as we get to see some hot Luke
action, I’m not all bothered. Yeah,
I know it’s a kid’s show, but dude!
It’s filmed in New Zealand!
They don’t need all those clothes, surely? Jacob
is also a trained stunt man, so he gets kudos from a girl who used to
have a big ass crush on Lee Majors in The Fall Guy.
I heart that show. Sing
with me now, all ye children of the 80’s... “I might jump from a
tall building, I might roll a brand new car, ‘Cause I’m the unknown
stuntman, who made Eastwood such a star... (guitar bit) nir, nir, nir,
nir nir, nir nirrrrr.” Ahem.
Excuse me, I apologize for having
going-off-on-a-weird-ass-tangent-itus.
Back to Jacob, who by the way is aged twenty-one. He’s
been a known stunt man in The Lord of The Rings (who made Frodo such a
star), and has apparently, according to his website (I’m guessing
it’s his website anyway – the bio is written in the first person.
It’s either his or some weird dude with issues.
Where the hell was I? Ahem)
he’s got a role in a movie called Snakeskin (sweet) and had auditions
for Matrix 2 & 3 (double sweet – if he gets it.
He wants to ‘cause dude, Morpheus, Neo and Jacob Tomuri?
Colour me happy). I
say dude a lot don’t I? It’s
like, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.
I could be Ashton Kutcher’s soul mate. Ahem.
Jacob has recently been in the UK, and is rumoured to have a part in a "costume drama", although nothing has been confirmed as of yet. In
all, Jacob is still in his fame infancy (and is aged twenty-one), and
unlike most Aussie/New Zealand actors, hasn’t gone the Neighbours/Home
and Away/Shortland Street/Country Practice etc, etc way that most of
them do (hands up who remembers Russell Crowe and his mullet doing a
stint as Scott’s mate in Neighbours?
Just me then. I
never spent my formative years in front of the TV really.
Ahem). This
definitely gets him Love Brownie points.
He’s got ways to go to becoming a star, and he’s got the
stones to get there. But
y’all remember I saw him first, ‘kay? The
Dr. Doug Ross Scale of Loveability: 7 out of 10. He
got mad props for the stunt-ing, non-Neighbours-ing and being
twenty-one, but loses some more for spending too much time in a dress,
and not being naked in anything I’ve seen.
This is a friendly hint to anyone who might have Naked Jacob
pictures and wants to send them to me.
I am willing to pay cash money for them because despite all
protestations to the contrary, I think it’s pretty obvious I’m a
skank. Ahem. But,
it is not to worry. For
more info on this hound, and some sweet ass pictures: http://www.jacobtomurionline.homestead.com/index.html
- The “issues” website. Very
little content but is home to the sweet ass pictures. http://www.tribeworld.com/
- the official Tribe website. Not
enough Jacob for my liking, but you can’t have everything.
http://www.clubs.yahoo.com/jacobtomurifans - This is the Yahoo Fan Club we're on! Come on in and chat with me and other mad Jacob fan-folks! |
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| © Indie | |
