Pet Hates of The Month

Stuff that pisses us off, Cartman style

INDIE

 

Because the bus is noisy and therefore you have to shout into the phone, and then everyone hears what you’re saying and the people who do this have the most boring lives in the world and we get to hear what they want for tea and whether they think beige is a nice colour for the new sofa.  STOP IT!  

 

Well, not light switches themselves, just... If there are a group of light switches together, they all have to be facing up or facing down, I like them all going the same way.  I always have.  Yes, I do realise I am Monica Gellar.

  People Who Wind The Bath Plug Chain All Around The Bath Taps.

Worse than the cap off the toothpaste and leaving the seat up.

  The C Word.

It’s a vulgar, horrible, guttural word and I hate hearing it.  I tend to say it a lot though, especially when I’m with SnowBunny.

  Steps.

If one of their songs ever comes on the radio, I have to turn it off.  If they turn up on the TV, I have to turn it off.  I have never been so nauseated by “music” in my life, and I used to like Chesney Hawkes.  What ever happened to Chesney Hawkes...?

SNOWBUNNY

  Corduroy Trousers.

Why, because who in their right mind would be allowed to invent attire using material that would look more at home in a mechanics tool box?  Let alone wear it.  You know who is wearing corduroy; you can see the shine belting out from the knees when it’s wearing off! Not nice honey, go home.  Leave it for the schoolteachers of this world.  

Waterproof Mascara.

Top idea, however its not always as we believe it to be. Water meets eyelash.  Eyelash stays covered.  Whoopee!  Water meets eyelash and eye.  Knuckles rub eye, mascara flees from eyelash and viola!  We have a makeshift panda that won’t wash off.  Why?  Because it’s sodding waterproof.  

People Who Park Their Cars on the Path.

I mean what’s the need?  God gave them a road; he even went as far as to bless someone with the idea of car parks.  What happens?  They park on paths.  No, next to them just won’t do, they need to get as far onto the path as physically possible.  So where do us mere mortal walkers have to go?  On the road.  And what happens? We get run over.  There ought to be a law.

People with Buggies .

These smug mothers adhere to the theory that “I am bigger than you, I have a kid in tow, therefore, get out of my way.”  I adhere to “Feck off you slag, I can do you more damage.”  

Glitter.

It’s a nice idea, but it lives forever, getting in everything, becomes everything and never goes away.  Kinda like sand, but more noticeable.

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