|
|
|
|
Obsessed With Free by Indie |
|
|
I’m
not talking about the cheezy Eighties rock band, they of big hair and
shared Wrigley’s chewing gum. I’m
talking about the word. Free.
It’s a good word. Almost as good as ‘stealing’ but less entertaining.
I love free things. When
buying a magazine, I am not swayed by gritty stories, funky fashion tips
or hot gossip. What moves
me is the free book/bag/make up kit on the front. I
was first in line when Martini brought their promotion tent to town,
handing our Martini and lemonade. Not only because it was alcohol, because it was free.
I don’t even like Martini. I
was up to the Aero man time and again when he was handing out free Aero
bars. Not only because it
was chocolate, because it was free.
But I do actually like chocolate. For
some reason I got emailed some online vouchers last week, one for books
and one for this healthcare company.
I didn’t read why; my eyes glazed at the line “£10 worth of
free goods” and I lost all rational thought.
Who the hell cares, I had free money! The
books voucher went in seconds on the latest Bridget Jones book, and then
I headed off to this health and beauty site to peruse what they had on
offer. They
had tons of stuff. I spent
two hours online just browsing through their catalogue and every time I
came across something I actually really wanted, it was more than ten
pounds. Me being a
cheapskate and poor (totally different concepts I assure you), I
didn’t want to be forking out for something I didn’t really need. So I had to find something that would be within voucher range and leave enough to cover the shipping too (told you I was cheap). Here is what I bought: Nettle
Tea – nope I don’t know why either. I’d heard about
it, people had told me it was nice and good for you so I thought, why
not? It looks like slightly green urine. Taste’s like
chicken. Dandelion
Coffee – Ummm, I always thought that coffee was an actually
plant and therefore that was why it was called coffee. But me,
I’ll try anything once. The ‘coffee granules’ is what looks
like freeze dried chunks of what I’m guessing must be dandelion root.
Who knows? The ‘coffee’ looks like ditch water and tastes
like... nutty ditchwater. Menthol
Shower Gel – It’s showergel and it’s got menthol in it and I
hadn’t seen it in any shops so thought it might be a laugh. It
is bright turquoise and tingles and goes all cold when you rub it in.
In
all, I completely wasted my online voucher on absolute crap. Reason? Because
I had an online
voucher and therefore had
to spend it, even if I didn’t really want what I ordered. I
think this is the reason I am poor.
See, if I’ve got money, I have to spend it.
Savings?
Ha! Saving’s
for girls. And
I like free stuff because it appeals to my inner anarchist.
See, things aren’t supposed to be free.
If everything were free, the whole capitalist world will fall
apart. Free
stuff bends the rules, man.
No, it does.
Free stuff
reminds us how close to the edge this whole society is. |
|
|
© Indie |
|
