We met, it seems like ages ago, in a paradise miles and miles away from both of our homes. Our interpersonal connections spanned beyond the ocean, because we were made for one another. Like two lost pieces of a puzzle, we fit perfectly, but found each other in the strangest place. It turned out that she lived nowhere near my home, and I lived miles away from her. After our taste of paradise, we were shipped back to each of our homes and dreaded the days to come. The moment I was not able to hear that mother-like voice, see that angelic face, and smell the heavenly scent of my mate tears stood in my eyes, and my thoughts were of nothing but her. I was surrounded by many people so I could not let my emotions be completely revealed. However, the first moment I was alone I screamed, �My bellissima!!!� How could I have left the only thing that seemed to make me happy in this world? What the fuck was I thinking? Why couldn�t it last just another minute, hour, day, or month? Why? Why? Why? Why? What evil plot was this to introduce two people that should�ve been able to enjoy each other every day forever and then rip them apart? How is this possible? My questions only grew louder and stronger, as the waves do when the tide comes in to rip apart the shore. Every moment turned into a month, every day was a year, every week was a decade, and every month seemed an eternity. Regular life could not exist without her.
Life existed, but it was not worth the dirtied blackened gum on the bottom of a work boot. The only happiness and clarity was found during a phone conversation or a flash of a good memory. But even a good memory has its pitfalls. Happiness and sorrow can be united if the means of happiness are only available in the cerebral cortex. Every daily event is missing a part. Getting into the car and noticing the abyss of nothingness in the passenger seat, lying in bed without the giggles and the wide loving eyes looking back at me, the emptiness in the morning without the frizzy hair tickling my cheeks and neck, these were remnants of happy memories that haunted my brain.
After a short time my will started to take over my mind. My will was determined to see her, and feel alive once more. Without much planning I hit the road. The miles started clickin� on the odometer, and my heart started beating with passion and warmth. Every highway sign was a message of assurance that soon a sign will tell me to get off and go to her. I crossed a border or two and pulled into an area that felt like home. I didn�t know the way by heart, but my heart knew the way. One week of time to enjoy her, and the week was more than perfect. Two brothers and a mama who treated me as their own, and the best person in the universe by my side. We laughed, hung out, watched cartoons, went out to dinners and parties, shared some magical moments, giggled together at the end of the night about anything and everything, cuddled, and sunk into each other deeper than any depth of any ocean or sea. But time is always watching, and always forces people to do what they despise. Sorrow and spite can not express what I felt when a solitary journey home had to take place. Spite and sorrow for the obstacles of life brought upon us all.
After an endless journey I unwillingly returned to the place I�m supposed love: home. Home seems like a trap now, and my will is screaming at me. So, I start planning and saving, stressing and scrapping, working and living. Life must go on, and I must prepare. After many lonely seconds, hours, days, weeks, months and endless nights I was ready.
Moving to a place where I can hear the waves crash against the shore, breathe fresh air, and be alive again was the easiest move in the world. I am now alive and get to see my better half every morning, afternoon, evening, and twilight. We are now getting somewhat established and I have asked for her hand in marriage. Without a thought she uttered the most beautiful word that has ever been spoken: Yes. This yes was not just a yes because it was a package. A package similar to Santa Clause�s sack, because it had a never ending amount of gifts to be given and shared. With this yes came warm cozy nights by a blazing fire, the laughter and joy that lightens the soul to the weight of a feather, and unity. Fear was gone and wholeness was consuming.
The aisle. What a wonderful place. Its an arrow pointing to the future, and I walked it with more pride than I had ever felt in my life. All of the people were so happy. Their eyes were storybooks that told a tale of two that were truly destined. Not a single protest in the house. And with a kiss, we had God on our side. God is very impatient to fulfill his expectations. A new life was starting that resulted from the joining of two perfectly matched souls. We carried on as lovebirds in the way that newlyweds do, and I could not ask for anything more in life. However, providence is inevitable.
She�s late!!! My blood rushed to my cheeks and I smiled until it felt like the dimples would collapse. We were not sure, but a new life may be starting as well. We waited and waited, smiling at each other and crying with pride and passion in each other�s arms. She was glowing. I didn�t tell her but I knew. Her presence was overwhelming and her glow could brighten the darkest night. Night time was now the best time in the world. We would lie in bed and look up to the ceiling, both not saying a word, but both faces gleaming with bright smiles. It was time now to see with a test. We couldn�t wait for good news and it came. We cried on each other for hours that day. We knew that we were ready and couldn�t wait for nine months to come. But those nine months are when we shared each other in ways we never thought possible.
Planning, planning, and more planning. We collected our thoughts in the spare bedroom of our home, and we knew what is was meant to be: our baby�s. Painting in neutral colors, because the nature of our child was left to surprise and fate. But I knew I was soon to the proud father of a beautiful little girl (I don't know how I knew, but I knew). A little girl that would reflect the perfection of her flawless mother, a little girl that I would spoil each and everyday, and a little girl that would remind me everyday of the greatness in which I was living. My little angel. Still many more months of waiting and wondering.
Within two months we had achieved so much as a team. The nursery was nearly completed. It was a marvelous place for the upbringing of a child: tall ceilings, a happy blues clues theme for the entire room, lots of stuffed animals and toys for our baby to enjoy, mobiles of the planets over the crib (Dad�s idea), and another cozy bed in the room right in front of the crib (Mom�s idea). Her and I would sit in the room and smile at each other for things to come. We decided to put a television in the room, because we started spending so much time in there that we needed some entertainment. We were such dorks. To prepare for our baby we watched every kid�s movie we could get our hands on: �The Lion King,� �The Little Mermaid,� �The Land of the Lost,� and many, many more. We would also read parenting books, and we developed the perfect plans for the upbringing of our baby. We were so perfect together, because we always were getting something accomplished, and the more we accomplished the deeper our love grew for one another.
I started getting really excited because her belly was getting big. She hated the way I would sit and admire her plump abdomen, because she was so slim beforehand and she felt very fat. But we both knew that the belly was of the best cause in the whole world. I would lie on her tummy and listen to the little rumble and heart beat of our future; these simple little noises gave me an extra step on everything in life, because it felt like the whole world had become just and right.
The belly was getting bigger and we started hunting for names. Well, mama had been thinking of names since we had first been married, but I started to really consider a few. For girls names I liked Allison, Jennifer (mama's name), and Taylor; however, mama liked the names McKenzie, Madison, and Ashley. We were pretty agreeable on boys names; we liked Taylor, Christian, and Ethan. We couldn't decide on one in particular, but we narrowed it down to Ethan for a boy, and Madison or McKenzie for a girl.
We started attending lamaz classes and I was her coach. We would go to our classes together and learn how to breathe. We were breathing the same rhythm and timing, and my sweetheart was so cute in her dedication to get things right. We bought some mats at a local wal-mart, and would practice breathing while we sat on them. These lessons would last for hours and would end up becoming a silly game or an overwhelming case of the giggles. From this room mama would say in the sweetest voice, "Honey, can you please run out and get me some ice cream?" Or baby, "I want some pierogis." And my favorite, "Can you make Jimmy John's?" The funny part is that there isn't a Jimmy John's within two-hundred miles. So. I would do my best to recreate her favorite Jimmy John's sub sandwich. She would indulge herself in these so much that I could not but have felt like an accomplished man. She would take such big bites that the crust of bread would stick to the outer rim of her lips, and she would utter, "mmm this is good." During these meals we would play music for our baby in this room. We would jam to various artists: Tom Petty, Bon Jovi, and, mama's favorite, Christina Aguilera; these were some very goofy days and nights. Due to the amount of fun we had together, time was sliding upward at a rate so fast that nine months had come.
I'm sitting at the office and the phone rings. A normal, everyday event; however it was time. I ran out without consent or salutations and rushed to the hospital. I didn't know what to expect, but I figured both of my angels needed me. I rushed like a bolt of lightning and as soon as I got to the OB lab, I saw her. Her swollen feet, her cranky smile, and her beautiful belly, all brought a smile to my face. The doctors brought us into the delivery room, and Jennifer started contracting. I had never really seen a live birth so it was very new to me. Mama was calm on her delivery bed, and she was smiling. She was breathing perfectly and didn't even need my coaching; however, she greatly needed my hand. I thought I needed it too, but after the amount of squeezing it endured I felt that it would never be the same again. The doctor requested my assistance at the other end of the table, and a little angelic head popped out. My heart rushed to my throat and tears stood in my eyes. With the next push, I saw my baby girl for the first time ever and I shouted, "GRACE." Jenny held her little baby with so much care and looked at me with tears in her eyes and replied, "Grace," with the most motherly smile one can fathom. We hadn't even considered this name, but it just came out when I saw my perfect little girl. And Jenny knew it was right.
I spent the entire day with Jenny. I wheeled her down to the nursery to look at our little perfect angel and we were so proud. Grace was so content in her little bed and didn't cry at all. She reminded me so much of her mother: she had curly white-blonde hair, big wide sparkling blue eyes, the cutest smile, and was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.
It was now time to take Gracie home with us, and we were overwhelmingly excited. When we got home we brought Grace into her new room and Jenny looked quite worn out and tired. So, I asked her to lie down and take a nap. Before she could answer, she was out like a light. I now had time to spend with my baby, because she was fussing and didn't want to fall asleep. She was whining and crying, but as soon as I picked her up she stopped. She looked at me with those big blue eyes and I felt complete. I had never felt this kind of love before. This child was part of me and a part of her mama. All of our happiness, giggling, togetherness, connections, features, and love were bundled into this little infant of only seven pounds and five ounces. When mommy was napping, Gracie and I would snuggle together, and she loved burying her head in my chest and then dozing off into a nap. We went together and cuddled with Jenny. This was the most complete feeling I ever had: two beautiful little angels sharing their best with me, aiding me in the journey of life, and looking to me for support and love, of which I had plenty to give.
Months had passed and we were getting along so well. The baby was getting bigger by the minute and was so full of baby chatter that Jenny and I would laugh and converse with her, about what we had no idea. It was the day before our baby's first birthday, and we could not be happier. The next day I made breakfast before Jenny woke up. I heard her call, "Dan." As she always does with the accent on the latter part of the name. Every time I heard her say my name I felt like the world was in the palm of my hand, because she made me feel like such a man. I quietly crept up to the nursery to see what my sweetheart wanted to tell me, and saw her sitting on the bed admiring our little sleeping baby. She said with tears in her eyes, "Thank you Dan. I feel so good and so complete with our little girl at home." "Thank you for being so supportive and helpful, and thank you for being you." With these words tears rushed to my eyes and I fell to the bed with her and squeezed her as if it were the last time I would ever see her, and whispered, "No, thank you." "You are everything I could ask for in a woman and look at the creation we have made." Gracie started to stir in her crib and before we knew it she yelled, "Mama." Her first word. This was the best day we had ever shared together, because we knew of the greatness to come: learning to walk, talk, count, spell, going to pre-school, kindergarten, and so on, dealing with boyfriends, and getting her driver's license, and sharing all of these things with her loving parents. This was true love. Two devoted parents that were so deeply in love with one another, and a perfect little child for them to share that undying love with in every faction of life. This was completeness. This was wholeness. This was the meaning and destiny of life. I cannot thank the Lord enough for blessing me with my two girls, and the fulfillment of my heart.