Kristina

There's no evidence to support the theory that you can judge the quality of a person by the quality of their Live Journal. If you narrow your study to "people you meet through Live Journal," however, this precept becomes almost universal, and Kristina is its poster-lady. I started talking to Kristina via instant messenger in 2003 in the midst of the Elise Epoch, arguably in furtherance of my Plan to Meet More Girls.

It became clear after some months of correspondence that she isn't really what I meant by "girls," and she remains the only girl I've met since I started using the Internet to meet girls who has been labeled "too weird to date." This didn't stop me from trying foolishly to set her up with Harris in the summer of 2004, nor did it Jim from doing whatever it is you call it when Jim hangs out with ladies, some months after that.


Running Themes

Awkwardness: Kristina is, quite simply, the weirdest girl I know. By no means should that be considered a negative trait. It seems very plausible that hers is not a situation of being awesome despite the weird. I casually diagnosed her with Asperger Syndrome shortly after meeting her in person, though, to be fair, she's missing at least a couple of the symptoms. There's something about a lack of sense of humor and a failure to develop clear aesthetic preferences, neither of which are true. Also, she doesn't seem to like anime, so my diagnosis is questionable.

St. Cloud: Kristina was raised in the city of St. Cloud. To this fact, we attribute any number of facts about her including, but not limited to the following:

• Kristina can drink a lot without becoming any more clumsy than usual.
• Kristina loves the Pope.
• Kristina hates college radio.
• Kristina has a story about her dad winning a sack of ducks at a bar.
• Kristina won't shut up about St. Cloud.

Michael: Michael was one of Kristina's classmates in high school in St. Cloud, and her roommate at The Alpen Haus around the time I met her. Michael is occasionally credited with turning her into a functional adult through constant verbal abuse. Though we've met Michael on only a couple of occasions, we're assured that, like Kristina, Michael likes hockey, brown liquor, college and Michael, and doesn't like ladies. Michael, for the first several months of our association was won of only about 4 subjects Kristina would bring up voluntarily, the others being St. Cloud, her mom, and rock and roll. Ironically none of these are included on the list of things she thinks about. This list is limited to kittens, robots and glitter.

Shitty things: Despite having very good taste in a lot of things, and despite disliking a lot of things, Kristina somehow retains the ability to also really like a lot of things that are objectively awful. Examples include top-40 radio, frat-boy bars, and White Castle onion chips.

Memorable Quotes

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• "Oh, man, if I were ever going to marry a robot, that would be the one."
• "I especially don't like cripples touching me."
• "If you knew better ladies, they'd be here."
• "Nobody fucks with my tards."

Winner: Best Overall Content 2005