Answers

Danimal:
1) It's winter
2) Just look for really big belt buckles and you've found a cowboy
3) Just ask the gayest person you know, and (s)he will help you find your lost genitals.

There has to be a way to stop just any BOOB from making his own website, and I take offense to the frequent use of the word "bitch" to refer to women.

Danimal replies:
Blah. Blah. Blah. Look, we wouldn't call people bitches if they didn't give us good reason to, and I actually use the word "bitch" as a unisex term. It could mean a stupid woman, or a stupid guy who acts like a woman.

Danimal replies:
Guess what, I don't care. In fact nobody cares...except the mormans. And nobody cares about what mormans think...except maybe the Governor of Utah

Danimal:
Oh...I'm blushing. Thank you. The reason you like this page so much is due to the fact that Padams and I both contain way more than 53 units of wicked funness. The website was a spin off (that's a polite way to say "total rip off") of a friend's site, "What We Think". I created this site to warn the world about Padams.

Padams:
This site is so awesome because of you the viewing public. No, who am I kidding, It's because I am awesome...and my partner is also somewhat cool. Sadly, I must reveal that this was not my idea.

Danimal:
I think the devil's car would be a black Dodge Prowler with huge flame decals. It would have a huge air intake on the hood, and purple fuzzy dice. It would pollute the air like crazy, and it would have the license plate LUCIFR 2 because LUCIFR and LUCIFR1 were already taken.

1)There is nothing wrong with womans sports 2)Nikki lives in Utah and she's not a Morman, I think you're forgeting how awesome she is.
3)Other than that your site rules.

Danimal replies:
1)There's plenty wrong with women's sports. If men and women are supposed to be so equall then why do women need their own leagues?
2)Nikki is cool, but it's only a matter of time before she's brainwashed. Then she'll just the 9th wife of some dude named Kaleb.
3) Damn Straight

Padams replies:
1)How can women be cooking and cleaning the house if they're playing sports?
2)Although Nikki is very cool, she's more like tree-hugger overflow from California than a real resident from Utah.
3) Enjoy it Laurie. This has probablty been the one shining intellegent thought you will have the good fortune to have in your meager life.

Bito 168 says:
After reading the section about Mormans, I was offended at the fact that Mormans actually stick up for themselves. It's not like they are going to get anything back from it. They should just take comments that come their way, and continue being wierd.
P.S. This site is the coolest.

Danimal:
1)Although I don't work with him, I hated Larry in High School. I don't know how that Cock-Foot has lasted this long without someone offing him. I think Padams has a plan to take care of him.
2)Never. Woman are the spawn of Satan (like Padams). To combat the mighty powers of these hellions, God gave us hands...and pornos.
3)Because you don't have any problems when you get totally shit-faced.

Padams:
1)When I finish reading my book on bomb wiring
2)It'll never happen, because God hates us.
3)Obviously God felt bad about the whole, "letting women think thing," so he provided us with a divine nectar to solve the problem.

The Mayor of Funkytown asks:
1. What is the best method of extracting a mouse from the rectum, not that it's stuck in there or anything. I was just curious. Oh and if it helps it is one of those wheel mouses with the light sensor on the bottom.
2. If you were going to cast the upcoming A-Team movie, who would you pick? I personally would pick Micheal Lark Duncan as Mr. T, Bruce Willis as Hanibal, Matthew Perry as Face, and Jimmy Fallon as Murdock

Danimal:
1. Well, I would suggest you drink a bottle of cooking oil, and eat a stick of pepperoni and in about ten minutes you would be able to shit out the computer that the mouse goes with.
2. Mr. T would be himself, and then the rest wouldn't matter, because Mr. T would pity them to death in the first scene.

Padams:
1. Have no worries Eric. With the size of the shits I've heard of you passing, it should come out no problem.
2. That's an awesome question. Unfortunately, other than Mr. T, I am not really familiar with any other members of the A-Team. Please don't question my masculinaty as a result of this. I would cast Mr. T as Mr.T

Mortician06 asks:
Hey I was reading your random people page and I was wondering if this PJ character is some kind of retard or something? I mean honestly, he can't be smarter than Padams! And, why are old people so saggy?

Danimal:
I wouldn't mess with P.J. he's part of The Revolution. He'll give you the love attack, and the poop cannon. Old people are saggy because there is a constant pull of 53 newtons of force on them. The formula for sag is 53x2(a/c), where 53 are the newtons of force. The "a" is the person's age, and the"c" is their units of crotchity.

Padams:
I'm impressed that you were able to read our random peoples page, because you are obviously a moron. You're right that he cant be smarter than me, but honestly that is tough to achieve. PJ is on the higher level of intellegence with Dan and me, but since you have not ascended beyond a sub-par intelligence, it is understandable that you would not be able to decipher this. Old guys are saggy because they are old. The fact that you asked that backs up my previous claims about you. If you have mustered enough attention span and collective intellegence to stay with me this long, you should know not to be hard on yourself for your stupidity. You cannot be to blame for your parents inferior genes.

BMX4521 asks:
I understand that among your "tight" group of friends, one of you has an ass so hairy that it stands out among the pack. Can you indulge on the cirrcumstances on how it came to find out how hairy this guy's ass really is, being that you all claim to be heterosexual?

Danimal:
OK. When you sent us this question, you must have been aware of the verbal lashing you would receive. So here it goes. (note** I typed this question in the exact way it was written to me.) For starters "indulge" is not appropriately used here at all. The word you want is "divulge." Maybe next time you should leave those tricky seven letter words to the people who have a fifth grade education. There a many other mechanical errors, but I don't feel like typing anymore. So in summary you are a cock-foot.

Padams:
You are a flamming ass-dick! The beating I am going to give to you will be matched only by the beating that Gohan administered to Cell.

BMX5421 asks:
Are you really that much of a loser that you can't think of anything better to say back to me besides bash my grammar. I think that your the cock-foot. Stop humping trees and get a life.

Danimal replies:
Okay buddy, if you want to be like that it's fine with me. I'll answer your previous question with something better. I'll indulge this to you:
1. We know P.K.'s as is hairy because we've seen it. No ass on this earth is as hairy as his.
2. I claim to be heterosexual because I have a girlfriend. How's yours? Oh wait a second.
How's that. I realize that you might need to look up some of those bigger words in the dictionary, and by the way it should be "you're a cock-foot." Jesus Christ even a ten year old knows that. I swear to God, every time you try to sound remotely intellegent you fall flat on your face, and prove that you're a raging jack-ass.

Bryris also says:
If Padams was locked in a room with a cat and a dirty magazine, what would he do first? I have a bet with a buddy that says he would make love to the cat first, then find a mirror and look at himself for at least an hour, and then clean up with the magazine. What are your thoughts?

Danimal replies:
I think that your friend is in some deep shit, because he's about to lose a bet, and I bet that Padams is going to kill you.

Padams replies:
First of all it would depend on the magazine. It would have to be a Playboy or a Penthouse, because I'm pretty disgusted by that ronchy or S&M shit. First I would try to preform some self love, but fail because of the cat looking at me in a confused manner. Second, if there is a mirror, I would spend a short amount of time pondering what a sweet piece of ass I am. Finally, I would fly into a furious rage, and destroy the room, and beat all living things, that had the misfortune of getting in my path, to death with the magazine, until I got to Bryan Riske. Then I would maim him beyond recognition, but leave him alive so he could regret asking such a moronic question.

Mystic Gohan comments:
Is it just me, or does Padams look like, "My Buddy," you know that cute irresistable plastic toy? All he needs is a pair of overalls and a multi colored turtleneck.

Danimal replies:
My buddy, my buddy. Where ever I go he goes. Padams is actually the kid that they modeled "My Buddy" after, "Kid Sister" too.

Padams replies:
When I was four, admittedly I bared a slight, mostly unnoticable, resemblence to "My Buddy." At least I didn't have bitch-tits like somebody...Rob!!!!!!!!!!!

Mystic Gohan comments:
I just had a quick comment, why is it that we went on the road trip over two months ago and Stephanie is still on Padams's top ten list? Don't you guys ever update those pages!?
TIIIIIMMMMMBO!! BO-BO-BO!?

Danimal replies:
What's-her-name is still on Padams's Top Ten list because we're good like that. It hasn't even been two months anyway. Dick. BO-BO!?

Padams replies:
If we spent as much time updating the sit as you spend sleeping during the day, we would be millionares, because people would be willing to pay for how wicked awesome our site was. In essence, you are a fuck. I'll see you in hell. Oh yes, and Timbo is sweet. I would know. Timbo!!!!! Bo-Bo-Bo?!

Bryris asks:
If we were able to raise midgets as slaves, and make them wrangle fat people, would the world be a better place? Or do you think we should use the fat people as fuel and midgets as spare fuel?

Danimal replies:
Midget would never be able to wrangle fat people, because the fat people would beat them up and possible eat them, depending on how hungry they are.
We shouldn't burn eitherr of them, because they are far too sweet. Without fat people around we'd have no one to put down in an attempt to boost our own self esteem. Without midgets the circus and The Howard Stern Show would fall apart. Interesting.

Padams replies:
I think midget slaves would be better used to walk in large hampster wheels connected to power turbines. Realistically, I think that midgets would have a hard time wrangling fat people without electric shock collars, and that would be expensive. Really i'm okay with midgets and fat people. Migdets are funny, when sober or not sober. And fat people keep the agrarian based culture of Middle America running by eating a lot. Midgets and fat people should not be burned as fuel, because midget ashes are not nearly as funny as midgets, and oddly enough fat people are an intricate part of society, and are sweet to make fun of.

RLtlAngel asks:
1. Why is it ok to shut a dog in a basement for hours at a time, but everyone gets all upset when I do it to my five year old nIece? Housbroken or not there's much more cause to put her in an enclosed sound proof area. Help me understand.
2. Someday my mother will come to understand the internet, and she may see this site. What can I do to protect her?

Padams:
1. Your niece's parents should accept the fact that no one under the age of 16 really has anything to contribute to society and should be locked up to prevent frustration unless needed for slave labor.
2. It is honestly my hope that no mother, nor anyone who will ever become a mother will see this website. Although perhaps if more mothers saw this site they could learn that their chldren are best suited for slave labor. Good luck explaining this to her if your mother ever does see this.

Danimal:
1. It is ok to shut your niece in the basement. People need to realize that kids can entertain themselves in a dark basement. It's healthy, as long as they don't die. Just make sure to feed them once in a while.
2. I don't think you have much to worry about. Our website is tricky to find. I'd imagine that your mom will run across pictures of an Asian chick taking a fungo bat and be so disgusted with the internet as a whole, that she'll give up on the entire thing.

Mortician06 asks:
1. I was wondering if you guys know where I could get some good hobo stew?
2. Is it wrong if two people engage in premarital donkey lashing in the state of New Mexico on a rainy day in October?
3. And what if the wind is blowing form the east, what then?

Padams:
1. If you are looking for a stew made by hobos I would check under a railroad bridge in Detroit. If you are looking for a stew made out of hobos I would check any Vietnamese restaurant within a half mile of a mental institution.
2. Since in todays society the donkey really serves no pupose other than to entertain people, I say let them entertain themselves with a donkey as they please.
3. No, an easterly wind only improves the ratio.

Danimal:
1. Making hovo stew is a tricky craft to master. You must make it from things in a railyard. Here's a recipe from Hobo Jive:
          1. Broken Bottle
          2. Cats
          3. Band Aid
          4. Gallon of Rainwater
Mix all ingrediets in a firing barrel. Serves 10 hobos.
2. Only if they really enjoy it.
3. Watch out a super villian has perfected a weather control device, and will give us all rickets & scurvey.