I was startled by the warmth next to me, so I opened my bleary eyes and had a look-see. How I ended up in my own bed is a mystery to me. An even bigger mystery is why Lizzy is here as well. Not again! My heart beat faster than it ever had and before my brain could catch up, I checked under the covers to make sure that we were both decent. I sighed my relief. I didn't want to miss what I had missed 10 years ago. It would've been awkward this time around just as it was then but somewhere in the deepest recesses of my mind where I keep my darkest secrets, I've always wondered about us... But 'what-ifs' never gave me any pleasure.

"Good morning."

God, she's irritating. How can she be so cheerful when I feel like I've drunk someone's bath water? "Hmpfh!" I could only harrumph half-heartedly.

"How are you feeling?" she asked as she stroked the frown from my brow.

I don't know what I mumbled; all I wanted to do was go back to sleep.

"You have to get up, Will. You haven't finished packing and I haven't given you my present yet."

I would've rolled my eyes but I knew that would hurt. I'm not a masochist despite what's been rumored. So, I complied, as I always did whenever she asked me to do something, even if I thought it for her own mischievous reasons. She helped me to the bathroom before traipsing off to make my morning cuppa joe.

It had never occurred to me to question why Lizzy was back to her lively self this past week with a gusto that couldn't be contained. I had assumed it was because she was getting on with her life but the way she was bopping around my kitchen made me ponder the thought. She turned, smiled, and handed me my favorite mug. I took a sip and then I knew. She needed to be needed. And boy did I need her.

I was just about to close my last suitcase when I remembered her demands from this morning. "So... where's my present?"

She ran from the room - I could hear her bounding down the stairs - and came back in a flash and gave me a large gold-framed picture with a big red ribbon on it. As I looked upon it, I had to wipe a tear from my eye. The picture was of us, Lizzy and I, 5 and 8 respectively, that my mother had taken the next day she came to visit me in my sandpit. "I thought this was lost."

"It was in the box your mother left for me upon her death."

Dignity be damned! I cried like a baby. I suppose Lizzy did too because I heard her sniffle an "I'll miss you" between my sobs. I know I parroted her words several times over, but I just couldn't stop blubbering. Suddenly, she pushed me away and asked with all due candor, as is her want when she desires to change a subject or lighten a mood. "Who was your first?"

I blinked and wiped my face with my hands. "My first what?"

"Your first... you know?"

I didn't know but after her bawdy wink I did.

"I heard it was Mary King."

"Mary King? That little freckle-faced thing?!" I was appalled and insulted.

"I knew she was lying!" she laughed.

Good for you! Like I would ever touch her. She wanted me though, even showed me her panties once.

"Muffy Wallace?"

The muff? The fact that every senior had her, turned me off. "Not even."

"Cindy Goulding?"

"Well... er..." Okay, now I was embarrassed.

"Ha!" she snorted. "I was just guessing... She was rather tight-lipped about it... I wonder why? If you gave notice to any girl in the city it was news! Was she disappointed in her conquest?"

"Well... so what if she was? We were both disappointed!" I said defensively. "I thought it was supposed to last longer than 30 seconds!"

"30 seconds?!" her laughter pealed through the room.

Normally, I love Lizzy's laugh but I really wanted to kill her now.

"At least on that score, I know you've improved!" she managed to choke out once she had gained her seat again.

"I have," I said indignantly. There are plenty of women who could attest to that! "What about you?"

"What about me?" she snickered.

"Who was your first?"

For some odd reason, the laughter stopped.

"What?"

"What? I can't ask you but you can ask me? That's not fair, Lizzy."

"You mean you don't... know? You really don't know?"

"No." I turned away to look at our picture again. Maybe I didn't want to know. "You went out with a few guys during high school but I wasn't there to witness anything." I packed the picture frame underneath several layers of clothes in my last piece of luggage. "The only guy I remember is Carl Sanderson. Was it him?" Damn my curiosity!

She looked at me, queerly. "It didn't happen in high school."

"You didn't date anybody in college, so..." I threatened them most severely. Then clarity hit me over the head like the huge brass clapper on the church bell - she had put a particular emphasis on a certain word. Right after high school? I gulped. "You mean...?"

She could only nod.

"B, but you didn't say anything."

"What was I supposed to say, Will?" Her lips trembled then.

I sat down heavily beside her. "You saved yourself...for me?"

She bowed her head. "I loved you."

Father, have mercy on me? "Oh, Lizzy..." Why was she telling me this now?! "I..." I couldn't speak for what seemed like several minutes. This woman manages to sway the pendulum in her favor when I least expect it. "I regretted that it happened like that."

"I didn't regret it. Not one minute. Not one second. I loved you from the first moment I saw you."

"I wanted... I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted you... so badly." I couldn't help but lean over to kiss her. "So badly." But when she kissed me back, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. "When I finally got up the courage... it was too late." By now I had her under me; my hands acted of their own free will. I was pressing and pulling, tasting and titillating, grabbing and gnawing. She felt so wonderful, so hot beneath me. Her heat, her tang pulling me in. "Oh... Lizzy!"

She grabbed my face in her hands and pushed my head away. "I'd given up on us... so long ago."

"We're here and we're together." I tried to kiss her again but she held me at bay. "Don't give up on us now?" I was needy, desperate. I could feel my loins about to bust through my pants. "We'll be great together... good for each other."

She took a deep breath and replied "You're leaving tomorrow."

"So?"

"So?"

"I'll be back. Come on baby, you know I'll come back every other weekend." I pressed on, literally and figuratively. I was so lost in her sauce. "Give me some lovin' to remember you by..." She mumbled something which sounded a lot like 'selfish bastard' but I was certain that I was mistaken. Why was she struggling? Her wriggling and writhing drove me delirious. I couldn't think of anything beyond the pleasures I was currently receiving and the ones yet to come. And if I don't get her clothes off right now, I might just blow my wad before we consummate this! "You know you want me. You want me as much as I want you."

"I can't, Will! I can't do this!" she sobbed.

Are those tears?

"I can't..."

Man! Does this woman know how to kill a mood or what? I deflated faster than had somebody put ice down my pants. But before I could catch my breath to ask her reason, she pushed me away and ran off. The only thing I heard, in my pitifully lusting despair, was the slamming of my front door. My rut was in overdrive, my misery complete.

Here I am, 6 months later, getting ready to step off the plane to meet my fate.

Over this half-year, I tried calling but Lizzy had her number changed. I wouldn't dare bother Jane and Charles or anyone else for that matter. I suffered my birthday last month in quiet reflection. Out of my 33 years, this was the lowest I've ever been. In New York, I could swagger with the best of them during the day but at night, I could clearly visualize every single minute of our life together and every instance that I had blown the chance. I could only swallow my pride into my pillow. Damn my soul! It's been a hellish ride. Speaking of which, I did some serious soul-searching while I was away - even to the point of attending church regularly. My shrink suggested that. She said I should try to get back to the basics. Going to Sunday Mass was a tradition in my parents household and despite my rebellious nature I obeyed and I actually got something out of it. My spirit still needs work but I've been known to smile recently after leaving the sanctuary.

"Hey Will!"

"Charles!" I smiled when I saw my best buddy waving to me from the arrivals area. We embraced and I held on a little longer than propriety dictates, but who gives a damn, right? "It's good to see you, my friend." It wasn't like we hadn't talked nearly every day nor the fact that Bingley had flown east to meet with me 3 times on some business excuse or other, it was just that I needed some fortitude and succor just then.

"How was the flight?"

"Fine," I responded flatly as we walked past the luggage conveyors.

He looked at my garment bag with a frown. "Is that all you're carrying?"

"I still do have a house here, you know?" He chuckled and so did I. "Or has it burned down and you never told me?"

"Toss me a cold one, would you?" Bingley did as I asked and I applied the frosty bottle to my blistering and sweaty brow. "Thanks." It definitely takes a few days to acclimate one's self to the changes in temperature between a New York December and an L.A. one.

"You're welcome." He sat down beside me and smiled his patented lazy smile. "There's nothing better than this."

"What? This weather? The sunset?"

"Nah man. Spending the day with my boys, shooting hoops, telling lies and stuff."

"This is your last one, buddy!" I elbowed him in the ribs. "Or did you forget you're getting married tomorrow?"

"Oh, I remember. I remember it quite well."

"Drink up then." I touched his bottle with mine. "To the last of the best."

"This is not my last. You know Jane doesn't mind."

"I know that. Can't a guy jest?"

"If the guy was funny, certainly."

"Hardee-har-har." I popped the cap and guzzled down half the brew. "You and Jane have been 'married' for a long time now."

"Just making it official. Making sure that she knows how much I treasure her. How safe and secure she'll be with me."

"I hear ya." I wanted to say more but I couldn't.

We watched the basketball game for a while in silence.

"I'm sorry I missed your bachelor party." They couldn't book the church tonight, so instead they opted to have to rehearsal yesterday and the rehearsal dinner tonight.

"No problem. As you see we're all still alive and well."

"Did George act like he always does?"

"Honestly it was rather tame."

That means he didn't get laid. I know Bingley-speak. "Just the way you like it."

"Just the way I like it."

This time he tipped his bottle against mine. "Oh... thanks for siccing Caroline on me."

"What are friends for?" he snickered.

"Just made me want to reach and touch someone. Namely you and your scrawny neck."

"Why do you think I waited until my last time out there?"

"To make my life a living hell and be far enough away that I couldn't kill you on sight."

"HA!" Bingley snorted. "What exactly did she do?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but suffice it to say, I'm quite the proficient in stalker laws."

"I bet. She'd been begging me since our engagement party - the one at your house."

I didn't doubt it. I wasn't looking forward to tonight's event either. There was an awkward silence between us; a strange happening really, for Bingley always had something to say.

"How's your lovelife anyway?"

I glared at him. He certainly snuck that one in there. "You know I don't have one. Between work and my shrink, I barely have time to sleep. Hell, I almost missed the plane today."

"All work and no play..."

Makes Little Willie a bit nil-ly? I glared at him again but he was right. I was dull as dishwater. I'd rather be in a rut.

"Have you talked to Lizzy?"

I should've known that was coming but we've been together for more than 5 hours and her name hadn't come up once. "No."

"Are you going to talk to her?"

"That's up to her."

"She misses you."

"Really?" I croaked. I definitely have to get that fixed.

"As much as you miss her?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"Do you miss her?"

I had to look away. When did it get to be his business? But then, she was to be his sister-in-law in less than 24 hours. "If it wasn't for my shrink I don't know how I would've gotten through the last few months."

"Then tell her that."

"You don't understand..." She ran from me!

"You're right, I don't understand. But what I do understand is that I have two miserable friends with too much pride between them."

You have no idea how hard it is for a man, an inch or two taller than most of his friends, to lose himself in a crowd but I managed. Jaws was on the Hunt and I was Red October. I mean, can't the girl take a hint? I wasn't lying to Charles; the woman scares me out of my wits. She doesn't take 'no' for an answer. She didn't take 'fuck no!' for an answer either. In fact, that one little word made it worse. She was sickeningly lurid in her reply. My balls shriveled up, never to be seen or heard from again. It was all I could do not to run away in fear. I shudder to think of it now. Instead, I bucked up my courage and told her that she was last woman in this galaxy I would screw. Once again, my mouth cost me - to her that was foreplay. I swear to God, she was at my car every night I got off work after that scene and she lives in another city! Another state! I had to hire a bodyguard just to feel safe. The woman is a loon at best and psychotic at worst. She needs to be locked up with Norman at the Bates Motel. Yet, she's still out there lurking. Even in this ballroom, she makes me feel caged in. I'd hide behind George but I can't stand the thought of being near him right now. So, I've been reduced to Crouching Man from the Hidden Tiger. I need to call my shrink; I'm talking in DVD.

If it wasn't for the fact that I knew Lizzy would be here, I wouldn't have come at all.

"Hey Will!"

Damn! "George." Bagged any bodacious bitches lately?

"What's going on?"

"Not much. You?" Damn my mouth!

"I'm cool."

Was that vacillation I heard in his voice? And why is he wringing his hands? Ohmy...! Is that a wedding ring?! "What bitch...?! Sorry. Who got you on lockdown?"

Wickham hemmed for a bit. "Lydia."

Oh-ho-HO! Priceless!

"The party at your house... she was ovulating..."

He actually knows what that means?!

"I was horny." He shrugged and looked down.

I'd bet his balls are blue too. I can't believe I'm actually jealous! Not of him, but the fact that he was getting laid regularly. I certainly wasn't. "Congratulations."

"Thanks."

I could only walk away and shake my head. Who would've thought? Hell, for one night of fun, he saved me a lifetime of misery. I'll have to get them something nice. I turned back to look for him - to ask where they might've been registered - but then I saw Caroline on route with a head full of steam. I ducked again and headed for cover. When I came up to have a look-see, who do I espy but Lizzy entering the room.

She took my breath away. She cut all her gorgeous hair off and left a beautiful curly mop; my hands were itching to massage her scalp.

"Sorry I'm late!" I heard her say to her sister then kiss her cheek.

Jane whispered something in her ear and they both turned towards me. Our eyes locked; she blushed, I suppose I did too. My entire body tingled just because she looked my way. Six months and a divorce hadn't dimmed her beauty at all. Matter of fact, she looked better, if that was possible. Yet and still, more so than in my dreams. I was so lost in her ethereal splendor that I hadn't noticed that she was now standing right in front of me.

"Hi."

I blinked. "Hi." Then I pulled her into my arms for an embrace that I would cherish the rest of my life. She returned the hug by putting her arms around me with a deep sough included for my listening pleasure. I closed my eyes and for a brief moment, all was right with the world. I didn't know what to expect but this was far better than I deserved. Regrettably, it was way too short a time that we parted but it was enough that I managed to release her without causing a scene.

"How..." we both began then laughed nervously.

"How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"I..."

"Will!! WILL!!!!"

I didn't know spleen could stiffen but mine did. There was no way that I was going to let anyone disrupt my reunion, especially the ball-breaker. "You feel like taking a walk outside?"

"But I just got here."

"I know." It was all I could say under the circumstances. I didn't want any ill-winds to swoop down on my good fortune. I just hoped my eyes conveyed what my mouth couldn't.

"Sure."

My relief was palpable. My escape in sight. I'm sure Lizzy could tell by the jumpstart of my pulse when she grabbed my arm. I escorted my friend out onto the portico and I hope she didn't notice my slouch but it couldn't be helped. I could feel Caroline nearby. Then I led her down the boardwalk. Once there, her hand drifted from my arm and I felt bereft. She leaned back onto the railing while I gripped it with all my might. We didn't speak for a while. I was content to sneak peeks as the ocean breeze played with her hair and be envious.

"So... how are you?"

I turned my head to her. "Fine." I wanted nothing more than to lay my affections at her feet but she looked at me with a mischief that I thought I'd never see again. I was devoid of words and utterly lacking in clear thinking as well. "What?"

"I know you haven't heard the latest in regards to Lucy and Robert..."

"They killed each other in a fit of passionate loathing?"

She laughed heartily - full out, and I thought heaven was missing an angel.

"They're engaged."

"Engaged?!" She sure knows how to knock me for a loop! But if I'm reeling what about her? "Are you okay with that?"

"I am."

She said it firmly, succinctly, but I still doubted.

I guess Lizzy could see my skepticism because she began her discourse without preamble. "I loved the ideal of him - the swashbuckling, kick-ass movie star cum savior. Not him. Not really. When the music ceased and the house lights were brought back up, I realized it was all a dream..."

O-H-M-Y-G-O-D!!!!!!

"But I was determined. I was going to do everything in my power to make my marriage work. He deserved that much. He helped my family pick up the pieces to our broken hearts. He was there for me when I was most needy. He deserved, at least, my devotion since he couldn't have my love."

"I love you, Lizzy."

"I didn't tell all of this to you to elicit your adoration. I told you this because I..."

"I love you."

"Stop it, Will."

"What?"

"Stop."

She was so calm and cool about it. I was ready to throttle her!

"Why?!" I whined.

"I told you that I had given up on you so long ago... and I meant it."

"But that was then, this is now!"

"You haven't changed a bit." Then she walked away.

I could only watch her leave - death and destruction in her wake. What was once my heart, has been burned to cinders. My cup runneth over.

When I first started to get my head shrunk, my therapist advised me to try to revisit my past with a clear mind. It was hard but I managed to see my way past all the muck and mire to find some light, some good. Right now though, Tequila with a Corona chaser is looking pretty good. Quite obviously, my windy path still needs some straightening. I could easily revert back to my carousing and whoring; try to bury my heartbreak in the wet folds of countless women. In fact, I still have my little black book. Who's to tell me I'm wrong? She doesn't give a damn and neither do I. Fuck her! "Shit."

Last night, I almost made the biggest mistake of my life! No sooner had I reached for the phone to call Isabella Thorpe than an epiphany washed over me and made me realize the error of my ways. I got it! I understand now. It took me a while; had to fall on me like a ton of bricks but I eventually comprehended my heedlessness. I'll get her to see reason. I'll make her love me again. Will someone open the damn door?!

"Hey Will."

"Um... Hi, Kitty. Is Lizzy in there?"

"Yes?"

"Can I see her?" Do I have to crawl? Beg?

"It's kind of... its not a good time right now. We're getting ready."

That much is obvious! I have to control my rage; it would put me so far out of favor to have her cousin pissed at me. "It'll only take a minute. Please?"

"Okay."

So, begging does work!

"Yes, Will?"

I could tell Lizzy was nervous; her eyes darted around, looking at everything but me. I don't know why she would be nervous; I'm the one on the edge of a precipice.

"Will?" she huffed when I didn't answer right away. "Look Jane's frantic. My mom's late and I..."

"I hate my job!" I blurted. "I... I actually don't hate my job. I just hate it because you're not there with me. I hate getting up in the morning because I didn't see you the night before and I wasn't going to be able talk you that day. Nights are the worst. I haven't slept in 6 months... and I never will again if I'm not with you. I know it's hard for you to believe but I waited. I... wanted to be with you, to love you. I waited because I was undeserving of your love. I wanted to be ready for you. Right for you. Do right by you. And then when you got engaged to Robert, I was crushed. I was angry and I hated you... for a minute. But for you, and only for you, I put my feelings where they couldn't be discovered. I watched you marry him... and was reconciled. I didn't deserve you then and I don't deserve you now. But please? Please, don't push me away again? I need you, Lizzy. I need you. I know I'm selfish. I've been a selfish being all my life but only you can make me the man I should be. I know I'm still the same but I need you... I need you more than air. I love you. I've loved you... all this time. All these years, I've been trying to forget how much I love you because you belonged to someone else. I've been uncaring and destructive because I've compared every woman to you and found them lacking. There will never be another you. When you told me you were getting a divorce, I was a new man with a secret hope. And when you told me you loved me, all my repressed feelings came rushing to the forefront. I'm sorry I offended you; jumped you... but 10 years of unfulfilled wishes is hard to contain. I'm..."

"I'm here!" Mrs. Bennet twittered behind me. "Well, look at you, Will! It's good to see you!" I believe she kissed my cheek but I'm not for sure. "You're not eating properly. Come to the house and I'll fix you a good steak then I'll fix you up with a good woman!" Then she patted my cheek. "Lizzy! Don't dawdle!" she scolded. "My sweet Jane needs me!"

Hurricane Fran had blew in, destroyed my one chance, and dragged my beloved behind closed doors, before I could even blink. I looked around, all was calm, but I was devastated.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Then let's do this!"

Sometimes I hate Charles. Just because it's his wedding day doesn't mean we all have to be ebullient. I also hate being dragged around like chattel to a slaughterhouse but he had a mean grip on my arm.

So here I am - standing at the altar and not a little amazed at my predicament. I look at all faces in the pews and wonder if they're all laughing at me. Pathetic little ol' me. Is there no busy highway around that I could... stroll onto? Enough about me. That's what got me where I am now. The music changed and the doors at the back of the church opened. I looked up to the ceiling and shrugged. You can strike me down anytime you feel like it, Lord! It was the least He could do. I waited. I honestly waited for my... eternal slumber, my everlasting rest. It seems that I would be denied that as well. Fuck! What? Didn't I already ask to be struck down? What more could He do to me? At this point, I'm beyond remorse. Nothing short of turning me into the burning bush is going to relieve my suffering. But, I should've known that His justice was not yet wasted on me for as I looked back down, Lizzy was sauntering down the aisle. Is there no mercy?! But just like last night, I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

Before Torpedo Fran hit, I was too intent on pressing my case to see her in all her magnificence. Now...? If this was to be my last feast then let my eyes be bigger than my stomach, for once. I steeled myself for the inevitable. The ultimate slam. The moment, her eyes met mine and she turned away. Look up, Lizzy. Look up! I was pleading for a quick and deadly cast-off. She must've heard me because she looked at me then. I can't breathe. I know the end is near... Why is she still looking at me? Do I have something in my teeth? Oh right, I'm not smiling. Okay then... Oh no, Lord! Don't do it?! Don't give her the same fate you gave to Lot's wife?! Don't turn her into a pillar of salt?! She doesn't deserve your wrath! It's not her fault that she doesn't love me! Take me, Lord! I closed my eyes and prayed for her safety. By the time I opened them, Charles and Jane were standing in my way. I was afraid to look. If He has taken Lizzy from this earth and left me here, I will be... PISSED!

Bingley elbowed me. "What?" I hissed low.

"The ring!" he gritted.

"Oh." I practically threw the gold band at him. My curiosity should be well known to you by now. I had to look.

"Charles. Do you take Jane to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to..."

She was still there! Praise be to GOD! I couldn't help but smile. I should be ashamed of myself and for very good reason. Here I was blaspheming, literally cursing God for his fickleness - in church no less. My absurdity knows no bounds. For this, I knew I would be punished at some point in my life - He was just toying with me now. I should be pleading for forgiveness but for some reason, my eyes settled back on the lady who holds my worth in her delicate hands. She smiled at me! Oh, heart be still... I don't deserve such hope.

"... 'till death do you part?"

"I do."

I felt compelled to say it as well but my voice was on holiday, so I mouthed it. I do. And it felt good; right. Lizzy's eyes widened in that instance and I looked around the church to see what was the matter.

"Jane. Do you take Charles to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to..."

The church was packed but there were no bloody heads on sticks. No flaming arrows. No bullets flying without aim. No pillagers. Not a malcontent amongst them. I turned back to her with a question in my eyes.

"... 'till death do you part?"

"I do."

Right here. Right now. My life changed forever. Lizzy looked me straight in the eyes and mouthed the final words 'I do' back to me. ME! I might've fainted or I might've run across the aisle and swept her loveliness up in my arms and carried her away on gossamer wings to cherish her for the rest of my life but her gaze held me in place.

Truthfully, it was the only place I wanted to be... at this moment in time.