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Short
Stories
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Gotta Go
If you ever call Albert at work, and he puts you on hold, you better hope it's
not Astra on the other line. If he comes back and says: "Gotta go",
you know that it's Astra. Damn. He's been "Astra-sized" (this is a
Fiyaz line) Too bad I didn't come down to Cali when Astra visited. Otherwise,
I could have gotten a free dinner. Albert was so generous to pay for 5 people's
dinner. No wonder Astra says he's the best boyfriend in the world. But why does
she always call Albert when I'm talking to him. Frig. Albert you gotta lay the
smack down, yo.
Ghetto English
Erich's ghetto English skills have resurfaced. We first noticed his sub-par
skills during the composition of our final Software Engineering Report. When
asked to describe the quality of a software module, he wrote: "It was ok.
There weren't too many d-fects. It was good.". Shit. That's what you would
expect from a grade 6 essay. Plus, the grade 6 student may even spell defect
correctly. Recently, I've heard that he's sporting new speaking d-fects. Apparently,
"concierge" is pronounced "concer-gee". Tom has reported
that he has many, many more examples. And, the word "bilingual" gives
Erich much trouble. Hahaha. Don't worry buddy. You know we're just playing with
you. You're still one of our D-O-double-G-Z.
Cooking Tips
Ok, here's some cooking tips. These are two of my worst cooking experiences.
First, when you cook chicken, don't eat it if it looks even a little bit pink.
Even if you cook it for 30 mins and it should, technically, be done after only
20 mins. Cuz if you do, you'll have the shitz for a week. Frig. It hit me 30
mins after I ate the uncooked chicken. Damn. I went about 3 times that night.
The next day at work was even worse. I was in the washroom more than I was at
my desk. My boss probably thought I didn't come to work that day. Oh well. I
learned my lesson. I've learned to avoid chicken. I cook beef now. Now for cooking
tip #2. When you cook egg noodles, don't add the soy sauce while the noodles
are boiling in the water. Why? Cuz it doesn't add any flavour to the noodles.
Shit, I was wondering why the noodles tasted nasty. So, I added more soy sauce
to the noodles after I dished it out on my plate. Bad idea. It's hard to tell
when you add too much sauce. Damn, it was too salty. I had to throw that shit
away.
Duty-Free Scam
Jess is a little scammer. She may be the best scammer out of all of us (well,
she's better than me). One of her classic scams is NOT paying duty for the stuff
she brings back to Canada. She goes to through customs and says that she paid
only $100 for a jacket worth $700. Unfortunately, sometimes the customs officer
isn't dumb and he knows a $700 jacket when he sees one. One thing that you should
do is get rid of your receipts so that they can't check the actual price that
you paid for your items. But, on one eventful trip, she had alot of receipts
in her wallet. So, she had to pretend to go to the washroom. She flushed most
of the receipts down the toilet. All except for one. She wanted to keep one
of them for tax purposes. So, what is a girl to do? She may get strip searched.
So, where should she hide the little piece of paper. Well, she put it in the
one place she thought they wouldn't look. Yup, she hid it in her undies. And,
hey, it worked. She walked out of customs to her waiting parents. As they were
walking out of the airport, her mom asked her: "Why are you walking like
that? Is there something wrong with you legs?". Hahaha. If only they knew....