IN THE BEGINNING there was Toast, and the Toast came from God, and the Toast was God. There was Toast in the beginning with God. Of all things that were made by Him, was not anything made, that was made, more important than the Toast. In it was sustenance, and the sustenance was the salvation of mankind. And the sustenance fighteth against the Hunger, and the Hunger vanquished it not.
There was a man sent from God, whose name was Dan, who was sent to bear witness to the Toast. He was not Toast, but rather was sent to bear witness to Toast, that all men through him might enjoy breakfast, afternoon tea, and midnight snacks. That was the true Toast, that feedeth every man that cometh into the world.
Toast was in the world, and the world depended on Toast, and the world knew it not. Toast came unto its own, and its own appreciated it not, because they were eating rice and lentils and turnips. But to as many as appreciated it, to them God gave the power to be eaters of Toast, even unto those that preferred English muffins; Which were born, not of butter, nor of milk and honey, nor of apricot marmalade, but of Toast.
AND THE BREAD BECAME TOAST and dwelt among us, and we enjoyed its flavor and texture, that of the whole-grained begotten of the Toaster, full of fiber and nutrition.
AMEN.
--Peter Higgins
--Good Friday, 2000