Strange Heaven

I was a devout Mormon, living as righteously as I could, and actively repenting for all the abominations I did commit (like watching an R-rated movie, knowing full well that it had nudity in it; and then afterward, often re-imagining the sight of the actress's naked body). Because of some aweful sins that I had committed in the dark years of my adolescence, when I was inactive, I could not serve a full-time procelitizing mission, which I was ready to do at 19. Instead, I chose to prepare to serve a service mission (where you do work instead of teaching and baptizing). Perhaps this would be enough for God to forgive me for those few years when I forsook Him. At that point in my life, I felt pretty assured of my righteousness status, which was good because I died in a car accident.

At first, I didn't know I was dead. It happened early in the morning, after we had been driving all night. I was asleep in the back seat when my brother fell asleep at the wheel, veered off the road, awoke when he felt the car go off the shoulder, and jerked the steering wheel in panic. We were going a little under 70 mph, and the car flipped. It didn't roll, it flipped thru the air. I was laying across the back seat, with no seatbelt on, and I was ejected from the vehicle. I barely remember it happening; I wasn't even fully conscious when I was killed. At first I thought I was dreaming, but no dream was ever this clear.

I was standing on the side of the road, watching the sun rise, when I noticed somebody laying on the ground. A ways off was a car that was laying on its back. I looked down at the person who was laying on the ground, and they were very badly hurt. There was a pool of blood under them, and they weren't moving at all. They were dead.

"Who is that?" I asked out loud. I could feel someone's presence behind me.

"That is you," said the man who was behind me.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "That person is dead."

"Yes," the man said. "There has been an accident. Don't be afraid. You are no longer alive."

"But ... " I said as I looked down at my own mangled body. "I can feel the wind. How can you feel the wind if you are dead?"

"The wind has a spirit, too," the man said. "Would you like to go to Heaven now?"

"Heaven?" I asked, turning to look at the man who spoke to me. I was startled to see that it was my uncle, who died five years before I did. He drowned while he was white-water rafting (he was a thrill-seeker, and it cost him his life).

"Uncle Brett?" I said.

"Hello," he said to me. "It's been a long time since I talked to you. I've been watching over you these past few years, and your brothers and sisters."

"Is my brother dead?" I asked, looking over at the car.

"No," Uncle Brett said. "He's unconscious, but alive. It isn't his time to go. It's your time. I came here to welcome you. When people die, a loved one is usually sent to help them accept their death. Death can be very scary. Lucky for you, you were living righteously. If you had died last year, when you were still inactive and living a sinful life, this would be a lot scarier."

A shiver ran up my spine. The idea of Hell felt very real at that moment, more real than it ever felt before. Suddenly I felt very glad that I had turned my life around when I did, just six months before I died.

"Yes, you should be glad," Uncle Brett said. "Heavenly Father knew this was going to happen, so he helped you to repent before this came to pass. He is bringing you back to Heaven for a very special purpose. But first, this is your time to rest. Your life has been hard."

Uncle Brett walked over to me and grabbed my hand. There appeared on the horizon a spot of light. It grew and expanded, encompassing all our surroundings until everything was white. I felt a sudden rush, like we were travelling at very high speeds. There appeared in the distance a spot of color. It grew until it was all around us, a glowing rainbow city.

"Is this Heaven?" I asked, looking around in awe.

"Yes," Uncle Brett said. "This is Paradise."

I beheld Heaven. It was the most beautiful, extraordinary place I had ever layed eyes on. Everything glowed with vivid color and radiance. The streets appeared to be paved in gold, but I knew it was really glowing energy. There were gorgeous plants that grew out of the sides of buildings, and they glowed as well. People walked by in white robes, whiter than anything I had ever seen, and the people smiled and said, "Love you," to me as they passed.

"In Heaven, everyone says 'Love you'," Uncle Brett said as we walked. "This is like saying 'Hello'. In Heaven everyone loves eachother. It doesn't matter if you've never met them before. In Heaven, we are more like Heavenly Father, because we are closer to Him. We refer to Him using His name, Elohim. Elohim loves everyone, and so we love everyone. Go ahead, try it."

I saw a girl walking opposite us (she had long dark hair that shimmered, and she was holding a gem of light in her hand). I waited til she was near us, and I made eye-contact with her. I smiled and said, "Love you". She smiled also and said, "Love you". I instantly felt a rush of joy flow thru me. I had never felt so happy before.

"Wow," I said.

"I know," Uncle Brett said. "Here in Heaven, the joy is limitless, beauty is everywhere, and Elohim is nearby."

"Where is He?" I asked. "Can we go see Him?"

"Actually, we can't go see him right now," Uncle Brett said. "We will not be able to see Him until the Final Judgement, but don't worry. His love and presence is everywhere. His spirit is in each one of us, and everything around us. He can be felt at all times in Heaven."

"Oh," I said, feeling reassured by Uncle Brett's words. We passed a couple of folks and I said, "Love you."

They smiled and said, "Love you."

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"We can go where-ever you would like," Uncle Brett said.

"I'm not sure," I said. "I've never been in Heaven before."

"Why don't I show you the Tree of Life?" Uncle Brett proposed.

"You mean the tree that Lehi saw in his vision?" I asked.

"Yes, the exact tree," Uncle Brett said. "It's where most people go when they first arrive in Heaven."

"Alright, let's go!" I said.

Uncle Brett led me off the main road, heading inward, to the center of the city. As we got closer to the Tree of Life, I could see a spike of light that shot upward into the sky. As we neared it, I could see that it was a vast pillar of light, and I could see that it was descending.

"That is light from Kolob," Uncle Brett said. "It is the pure love of Elohim, given to us directly. That is what the Tree of Life is for: it is a medium for Elohim to give us his love. Just like plants on Earth work by photosynthesis, the Tree of Life recieves the light, or love of God."

When we arrived at the Tree of Life, my breath was taken away. The tree was enormous, and it was the most majestic tree I had ever seen. Its leaves shimmered like silver, its trunk and branches sparkled like crystal, and its fruit glowed white. It was a lot bigger, and more magnificant than I had imagined it to be. There were a great amount of people gathered under it, eating the fruit and laughing with joy.

The branches were too high to reach, so I asked Uncle Brett, "How do we get the fruit? Are there ladders?"

Uncle Brett laughed at my question as we walked under the tree's branches. "We don't need ladders in Heaven," he said. "Just hold out your hand and ask the tree to give you some fruit."

I held out my hands and asked, "Uh ... Tree of Life, could I please have a piece of fruit?"

I heard a plucking noise and saw a piece of fruit fall out of the tree. It landed right in my hands. "Woah ... " I said as I looked at the fruit. It was as big as a canteloup, and the skin was as soft as silk. It wasn't heavy, it was very light, and it glowed brilliantly.

"Go ahead, taste it," Uncle Brett said. "I think you'll like it."

I brought the glowing white fruit up to my mouth and took a bite. The fruit's flesh had a very soft, pleasing texture, and the taste was beyond explanation. It was simply the most delicious taste ever. The flesh was juicy, and the juice filled my mouth with absolute splendor. I swallowed it, and I felt such immense joy that tears came to my eyes, and I began to laugh.

"It's good, huh?" Uncle Brett said.

I couldn't talk; I only nodded as I laughed in joy. I held the fruit out to Uncle Brett so that he could take a bite, but he refused.

"No," he said. "That's all yours. There is plenty to go around. This tree has an unlimited supply of fruit. Elohim's love is infinite, and so the fruit of his tree is infinite."

I took more bites out of the fruit, and I was enwrapped in a flood of pure ecstacy. I ate the entire fruit and asked for another one. Another piece of fruit dropped out of the tree into my hands. I ate and ate, and never got sick of the fruit. I was at the same time, full and hungry for more.

I began to look around as I ate (and Uncle Brett asked for fruit and began eating also), and I noticed that the Tree of Life was surrounded by very large building with extremely tall towers and spires. I saw figures in the windows, watching those who ate the fruit. I was reminded of Lehi's vision, when he saw the great and spacious building, and people in fine clothing laughing at those who ate the fruit of the Tree of Life.

"Those buildings are the Mansions of Heaven," Uncle Brett said, sensing my inner question. "Those are where the angels live. They are the Guardians and Watchers. They communicate directly with Elohim, and they act as His delegates. They are there to teach us, guide us, and comfort us in His stead."

"Do I get my own mansion?" I asked excitedly, already invisioning what I wanted my mansion to look like.

"Actually, we don't get our own mansions right now," Uncle Brett said, taking a bite of his fruit. "We won't get our own mansions until the Final Judgement, but don't worry. Heaven is enough for now. There is beauty, love, and all the Fruit of Life that you want."

We ate more Fruit of Life, but after that I told Uncle Brett that I wanted to walk around by myself for a while. As I walked around the streets of Heaven, I was amazed by the grand architecture of the buildings, and the beauty of the plants and people. The strange thing was, I didn't recognize a single one of them. I guess I didn't know many people that died. But that was alright, since we all loved eachother. I said "Love you" to everyone I passed, but this began to wear thin after a while. I wanted to see the dark-haired girl I had first said "Love you" to (she seemed very familiar), but I couldn't find her.

I began to wonder what was inside of all the buildings. It seemed to me that everyone was walking thru the streets, and nobody was going into or coming out of any of the buildings. So I decided to take a look. As I walked up to the entrance to one of the buildings, I saw a man in a white robe, with long white hair, standing next to the door. Well, I couldn't say he was standing, since he was floating a few inches above the ground. He seemed taller than everyone else, so I assumed he was an angel. Next to him was a fruit rack with Fruit of Life on it.

I walked toward the door, but the angel said, "Love you", and I automatically looked at him when he said this. My eyes were locked on his, and I couldn't move. His eyes were electrical, and my eyes seemed to be magnitized to them. I felt a lot of power coming from him.

"Can I go in that building?" I asked politely. "I'd like to see what is inside."

"Would you like some fruit," the angel said, taking a peice of fruit from the fruit rack and holding it out in front of me.

"Sure," I said, taking the fruit and eating it. Again I was filled with unspeakable ecstacy. The fruit never seemed to lose its potency, no matter how much you ate. In fact, it was better with each bite.

"Why don't you go for a walk?" the angel said. "You haven't seen all of Heaven yet."

"Yes," I said. "I'll go for a walk."

I walked away, continuing down the street and eating my fruit. I wondered about the angel, how it was floating, and asked Uncle Brett when I saw him again.

"How do you fly?" I asked. "I've always wanted to fly. I'd like to know how people fly."

"Actually, we can't fly," Uncle Brett said. "Only angels can fly. We won't be able to fly until the Final Judgement, when we are made into angels. But who needs to fly when there is so much love everywhere?"

"I don't know," I said. "I just sorta thought we would be able to fly in Heaven."

"Are you disappointed?" Uncle Brett said, his tone getting more serious. "Are you ungrateful? You are in Heaven. There is nothing to be sad about here. We have everything we want here."

"I guess," I said.

"Would you rather be in Hell?" Uncle Brett said.

"No!" I said. "Heaven's cool."

I decided to go on my own again. I noticed that at every door on every building, there was an angel with a fruit rack. Most people never even looked at the doors. It was almost like the angels were invisible. It seemed like a social taboo to want to go inside. I followed the sound of singing, which I had heard vaguely the whole time. I assumed it was the Choir of Angels, so I decided to check it out.

I arrived in a large stadium. There were many, many people seated, watching a multitude of angels that floated in the middle of the stadium as they sang. The song that they sang was very beautiful. I had never heard such masterful music, so I decided to sit down and have a listen. Listening to the Choir of Angels was like eating the Fruit of Life. It was pure joy.

I sat for so long listening to the angels that I forgot where I was. I snapped out of my trance and realized again that I was in Heaven. I had almost forgot that I had died. Looking around at the other people who sat around me, I noticed the blank looks on their faces. They were dazed, not moving or looking around. Their eyes were locked on the Choir of Angels, and their minds were tuned out. As I looked at a man who was sitting next to me, he quickly turned his head to face me. He did not look at me, tho. It appeared as if he was looking thru me. I wasn't even sure if he was aware of me at all. I felt totally weirded out and looked back at the Choir of Angels. After a few seconds, I peered back over at him, and he was looking again at the Choir. I decided to get up and leave.

"Love you," said a voice behind me. I automatically looked and saw an angel floating above the seats, staring into me.

I couldn't say anything (I wanted to say "Love you" back to him, to be polite, but I was totally frozen).

"Do you dislike the Choir's song?" the angel asked me. His question pierced me, and my body trembled slightly.

"No," I said. "I think it is beautiful."

"Then why don't you sit and enjoy it for a while?" the angel replied. "You have all the time in the universe here in Heaven. You shouldn't rush around so much."

"Yes," I said. "I think I'll sit and enjoy the Choir's song for a while."

I turned away from the angel and sat down. As I watched it, my eyes fell out of focus, and everything became a white blur. All I knew at that moment was the song of the Choir. I couldn't understand the words that they sang, but they sounded beautiful, so I didn't think to understand them.

At that moment, I felt the heaviness of eternity. Like laying in bed and thinking, "Maybe I'll get up", but you have no reason to get up, and sleeping in feels so good. So you just close your eyes and tune everything out. Where am I? Who am I? What am I doing? I don't know. But this fruit sure tastes good.