mrjournal27

October 24, 2001. 2:41pm.

Ignorance And Bliss
As the middle of the week approaches, I have finally caught up on all my missed sleep from this weekend's Halloween Party.

To brief the party in short: had a nice time after Natalie left. We are, as I'm taking it, not together/seeing each other/or "WHATEVER". It hurts when you you let someone know how you feel about them, but really hurts when you can't hear it right from them. Thanks a bunch Nat. You have sadly broken my heart :(

Learned a lot about an ice cube, got no real sleep, and a tummy ache the rest of the weekend. Nothing much more to it.

The week has been ok: Smev and Matt and BJ are coming over to watch the Special Edition of the Holy Grail this afternoon. Smev has decided to invite his two female friends from Gettysburg as well. One of them single, and maybe a hookup for me, though Smev let me know on the phone about 30 minutes ago about how much she really likes him.

Ok Kevin, I know you're the fucking ladies man. You're looking at two years with Steph this weekend, and are the God Damn cat's meow, but I'm just a bit preturbed at the fact that ... that you have this relationship and all these others girls and .. I'm at a loss for words.

Talked to mom about it on the phone. She just told me that I envy Smev (which I do), and that yes it's easier to say to ignore it than that to be done. I prettied much let a tear come out, but stopped quickly. And Russ thinks all these girls like me. No, they don't. Natalie just blowing me off at my own party was worse than if she were to not show up and be "The Bitch." Mom said I'll find someone someday, and "Don't worry yourself, live your life" ya da ya da. And then, she mentioned something different. I can't think of how, but she said that it's hard to like girls, but have the one you like most live in Myerstown. Russ mentioned something about Faith too, but she's happy as she is and I've accepted that. I've found that the hardest thing to move on from still. It's been hard to admit lately, but I've just been trying to find someone nice to fill that empty void left when Faith and I split in August. She made me happiest, she still does. I love her, but from here on out it's just a good friend. She's admitted that we can't do the older pastimes; we can't go out anymore cause it's just .. hard I guess. To have it be good for two months and then suck after that. Right before the split, we realized the next we could see each other was October. This coming weekend will be one year to the day Faith and I met at Hersheypark. I wish I would've just held out a month. It would've been worth the wait to have her back in my arms once more and have a nice kiss and her holding my hand. It's just weird that my own mother, and Russell too, would rather have me with Faith, though they, and all my friends, know that having Faith Barnett in his life 110% better than it already could've been.

We're talking about Thanksgiving. Her, hopefully coming here for once. I'm not going up there, she comes to Hanover, and that's that. But I half fear seeing her. It shall be weird to sit on my couch with her and watch TV and just carry a normal conversation, rather than to snuggle up and watch Forrest Gump or something. But she has her crushes, and I have that painstaking void that makes you sick to your stomach and makes you want to cry every now and then.

This is usually the part where someone like Brewer or some passerby of the site would sign the guestbook that you want the rest of the world to feel bad for you. Well Brewer, I'm sorry you had to rush it with Nate too. If he liked you so much and shit, he would've stuck around. I guess I'll stop now and wait for the afternoon's events to commence. 2:57pm.