| Mr. Journal |
| ... making a mess of all this mess ... |
| July 21, 2001. 10:44pm A Not-So Sob Story I've been away from faith for almost 2 hours, and I miss her so much. Today was so great, I must say. Got up at Park City around 10:15, and she was there waiting, looking as beautiful as ever. She walked over to me and I walked over to her and we embraced; a big 10 second hug which included me picking her up and spinning her around. We shopped a bit, and took a trip to the photo booth for safe keeping (pics up tomorrow). We headed back her way to her house for a bit, and then celebrated her great grandma's birthday. Met more family, all very nice people on her mom's side. Came back home, and we got a few hours with each other to just be alone and together, and it was the nicest thing. We just held on to one another, watched TV and just got the time we missed caught up on. Went mini golfing on the way back to Park City, and stopped in for a bite to eat at Burger King. Snooped around the mall a bit more before we said our goodbyes ... :( Yes, it's very hard not seeing Faith every day that I want. But I'm alright tonight. For the first time I feel as if everything is ok; I have a great family who seem to have everything going for them, a good job, the greatest friends, a nice future ahead, and the one I love. It's not an every day thing to me; to find that I feel safe with who I am with. Faith does the cutest things that are somewhat suttle and just a small token, but they mean so much to me: When we hug. She just holds on for dear life, hugs me as if she'll never let go, which I never want her to do. When she kisses me. Sometimes it's welcomed, sometimes its a complete surprise. Like she catches me off-gaurd with a little peck on the cheek or even the nose now and then. And of course there's all the ones with more passion but we won't go there ... When she says "I love you." She doesn't only say that, but that she loves me. "I love you, Rusty." Now, I don't know if its the tone in her voice, or the delivery of how she says it, mainly I think it's her saying my name at the end that is just so comforting. Cause it's like directed right to me, she loves me. It just makes me feel like I'm a million dollars. Sometimes it sounded like she was going to cry today when she said it, but she didn't and I didn't want her to anyway. Of course, she has her trademark laugh, and of when we snuggle, her running her hand up the back of my shirt and rubbing my back and running her hand through my hair, but that girl is just the best thing that ever happened to me. I just thank God I have her. She compiled a tape for me of her and her friends and all their goofiness. At the end, there's a bunch of her solo performances, lip synching and making me laugh so hard. We watched some of it today, and it's very funny. But when we got to the last one, it just seemed different, Faith did a lip synch to Weezer's "Island In The Sun." She sat in the chair, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt, strumming her guitar/tennis racket, and she wasn't herself. She was serious; it was almost as if she were directly singing to me on how we could run away together and spend some time forever, and we'd never feel bad anymore, for Rusty and Faith would finally be at what they've always wanted, them together. I almost wanted to shed a tear over it, but I didn't. I've kept my cool all day long. And for the first time, I haven't come home a depressed mess. I think it's because I am so sure of all between us and that she is mine; we've lucked out together in finding true happiness and hold each other's hearts tonight. I love you, Faith. :) |
| sealed with a kiss, 11:02pm |
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