| Mr. Journal |
| ... excuse the bitchin' I shouldn't complain ... |
| 07/07/01. 23:24pm. I'm The Lost Kid In The Candy Store Long day .. where do we start? Cashier meeting was boooooring. Same old damn thing everytime. Breakfast was nice, Patrick, James, Val, Melissa, along with myself and Joelle and Jen went to Perkin's afterwards, very cool. Got to know Jen a bit more today, very cool, a sweetheart indeed. She told me that she loved me after I told Amber she was "ghettofabulous" (not love love, but who knows these days). Very nice girl, very cool, caring, etc. Work was awesome, not even on register, not once. But then you get to the party where things get different and such and make Rusty think again. L Brewer there, tries to get something instigated through the water balloon fight, sting her real good with a water balloon, comes back with a pitcher of water, I say you bitch. Her reply, "no, you bitch." She would laugh through an apology moments later, and I was just like yeah whatever about it. Fireworks at the Dickensheets home was great. Spent some time with Jess H, sat on the swing under the deck and watched the sparks fly and told her the whole story with Brewer and Faith and what happened and we just told our stories on love. She's a pretty girl who I too can be stupid with. She's really cool, been a great friend for a good while, always will be. I hope sometime soon the two of us can just hang out and have some fun together. This whole week, ever since early Wednesday morning at 2am, has been confusing. I'm at a point where I'm not sure what I want anymore, let's be open time people. I'm gonna get real: *** I can have Faith back, we can figure out everything, settle the differences and try to move on. Yet I'm really scared because of what happened and how it might affect our future which we want to be a lifetime. Plans are currently in the works to see her on the 21st, and if it does happen, and we do get together, that will be the ultimate test for sure. I let her go, and she came back and it's now supposedly meant to be, but one more day will show it all. How can we react around one another in a situation like this. *** I can fish, I can just float around for awhile, feel around for what there is, take Mama D's advice, the whole candy store concept of tasing every flavor to then go back and pick out which flavors I liked and why. *** I can stay alone and confused for a good while, nah scratch that idea Who knows what will happen? Well time does I guess. I'm just really worried cause if I let go of Faith, she won't come back this time and I might regret it 10-15 years from now. Who knows. I'll just stop now. Wait I won't. I know Faith is supposed to be it, just need the real sign. |
| stopped and dropped 23:34pm. |