| Deep thoughts, by Jack Handy |
| If your ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let em go man , because, they're gone. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no reason. To me, it's a good idea to carry to sacks everywhere, cause if someone asks if you could give them a hand, you reply "Sorry man, got these sacks." One thing kids liked to be is tricked, like once I told my nephew we were going to disney world, and I drove into a burnt down building and told him that disney world burnt down. He cried and cried and cried. I started to drive to the real disney world, but it was getting kinda late, I believe we should make a safe world for our children, but not our childrens children, because i don't think children should be having sex. If a kid asks "why is it raining?" I think it's cute to say, "God's Crying" If he asked why's god crying, I also think its cute to say, "Because of something you did." If an old lady slips and falls on the sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh, but then I think if I was an ant and she landed on me, then it wouldn't be so funny To me boxing like a ballet, but there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. If your in a war, instead of throwing a grenade at some guys, throw one of those baby type pumpkins. Maybe it will make every one think of how stupid war really is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade. If i ever want to kill someone I do a little trick to calm my self down. I go to that persons house and leave a flaming Jack-o-lantern and a knife in the side of the head with a note attached saying 'you' on it. See, no harm done and it leaves me feeling a lot better. If God dwells within us, like some say, then I sure hope he likes enchalada's, cause thats what hes gettin! When I was growing up, my favorite uncle was Uncle Caveman, everyday after school we'd all go up to his cave and play around for a while, then he'd eat one of us before we left. Later on I learned he was a bear. A good way to threaten someone is to lite a stick of dynamite and call him. then you say 'hear that? thats dynamite baby, thats dynamite.' Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: Straddle open a crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, wave your arms in a circle and yell 'woah, woah' like your going to fall in |