Can't put a date to this one, perhaps about early-mid 99 Ok, so being a great fan of JAG and the navy in general -(don't you just love their levels of command, "yes sir", "no sir", standing at attention? *sigh*), I decided at some stage to become a naval lawyer - put two passions together. I love the way the navy runs - the levels of command, standing at attention etc etc... the one thing I couldn't face, which is a mandatory requirement, is the prospect of facing war. But I didn't think about that for while - just the naval lawyer idea.

Can't put a date to this one, perhaps about late 99 Ok, so I've been drifting on and off the lawyer idea. I get really into it, then after a while, I don't see why I ever wanted to do it... hmmm...

Can't put a date to this one, perhaps about mid 99 I went through this interesting stage where I considered being a politician... I had so many ideals and theories in which I would like to change the world! (some of which branch from my psychotic theories but not exactly the same) and I thought, why not? I believed so passionately in some of my ideals - particularly when discussing them (not necessarily when acting them) that I thought it might be a good idea. The only problem is that I had the habit when arguing an irrational reasoning, of using arguments contradictory to former ones, particularly when I find myself in a corner because I can't stand to be wrong. Now that's not the best thing in politics.

I find it interesting though - me being Chinese and a female -how many people would support you, if you were to propose all your ideas indirectly, through spokesmen and never reveal your face (assuming that your ideas were good ones that people would support; and ignoring the probability that the media would pretend to reveal supposedly what you looked like etc etc)... And then, how many would dump you, once you revealed what you looked like, on the basis that they didn't expect you to be Chinese and female? (supposing you used a name like Sam or Alex or Chris which has both male and female connotations...) It would be interesting to test this. However, I doubt people would follow a face they didn't know anyway, so it would be impossible to test.

Can't put a date to this one, perhaps about late 99 Ok, so when thinking about prospective work experience places, I've been drifting into the psychology line (psychology rather than psychiatry since you have to go through med to do psychiatry [I HATE med]). Unfortunately, I doubted poor confused people baring their souls to psychologists would appreciate some twerpy 16-year-old sitting in and listening... so I didn't bother applying. I've always been interested in psychology - perhaps because I need some sort of psychological analysis on my own head!

9:00pm, 10/11/99 I have a goal to change the entire mindframe of world society - not a very possible one, in my lifetime anyway, but a challenge which I think ought to be valid. Society today lives with the goal to show "kindness" to others, by guiding them in a path which one considers to be good, helping them curb whatever faults they bear. But that is not Kindness. That is Pride. It is pride to say "Look, what I'm doing is right; what you are doing is wrong; you must do as I do". What I want is a society of tolerance, of piteous compassion. Let people live with their faults and let us bear it with fortitude. Why should be endeavour to correct supposed faults when Man has not the discernment to know what is vice and what is virtue? Accept them as they come, justify them and their actions in whatever means you can in order to make you grant them piteous compassion and understanding. In this way, depression and self-doubt will be obsolete. Leave them with the faults that God gave them; and let Him be their only guide. Leave God to do all the fixing of people's characters; it's our job to make the people feel comfortable while fighting their faults themselves... no use giving them more faults for God to correct. People bear faults because they were deprived of some essence or other - grant them what they wish!

Ok, so I can actually put a date on this one 6:00pm, 18/11/99 Ok, so we've just had a wonderful self-defence course at school; I didn't much appreciate the self defense aspect of it - I mean, I'm not quite convinced how successful it would be. But I was very interested in the psychology behind it. Like I said in my page about love and character etc, I always vouch for the underdog; I feel compassion to those who other people would call "evil" or "bad". I was considering that lecturer guy's concept that after seeing all the extreme cases of abuse as a cop, he decided to lecture on how to avoid the situation from getting too serious. Well how about this?considering my interest in psychology and the feelings I have for the underdogs and the psychologically abused, I've decided that it might not be such a bad career path for me to enter into psychology, perhaps criminal psychology specifically, perhaps not - and try to find out what leads these crims into doing such "bad" things - poor traumatised buggers. minds warped by some psychological abuse or other. So rather than putting people in dangerous situations and teaching them to get themselves away, I'd rather find these poor traumatised buggers and prevent them from feeling the compulsive urge to go and put people in dangerous situations. There! My life's ambition. (And with this, I can use it to help change the mindframe of world society! hmm!)