| Unknown camper two tents away in Richmond during the storm from hell: "I don't care if I shit in this tent. I am NOT going outside again tonight!" Jill? I can't remember who said this: "Don't use the bathrooms until the next camp. They're REALLY scary!" Steven: "Gee, could that be because 2,000 riders just took a collective dump before hitting the road?" Charlie sympathizing with a recent port-a-potty victim: "Ooo, did you look? I hate that. You can never resist the urge to look." Charlie, the morning after the monsoon: "You know, I really love Steven. And I don't normally change my opinions about people." My father, after recounting the AIDS Ride to him: "You're the only person I know who can pull a muscle putting on sunscreen. No! Don't try and tell us why. It doesn't matter." Two random women on the Mall: "Would you like to try an energy drink?" The three people standing near me: "He's the last person who needs one." Steven, bounding back over to his crew on Sunday: "Check it out, they gave me an energy drink!!" Camp Services, Pit Crew, random others: "Oh, shit." Nan, after a ten-minute tirade: "All right, that's it. No more kvetching." Steven and Charlie (amid repressed giggling): "Yeah, right." Jill, Charlie & Steven: "Fruit?!?" Jeff, the Medic, who hit on me so blatantly even I could tell: "I'll take it unless it's what's in the cart." Steven, after Jeff the Medic tried to give him mouth-to-mouth on Sunday morning: "I'll bet you wish I'd brushed my teeth in the last twelve hours." Steven, Saturday night, 1500 mylar blankets and 300 smartass remarks into the night: "It's a good thing they can't fire me." Steven: "Nancy! Can I use your tent real quick? I need to change my underwear!" She didn't even think before she said yes. That's kindness. Approximately 50 people Saturday night: "Hey Mylar man, whatcha got under your cape?" Every Camp Services member at some point: "I can't wait to go home and take a really good dump." It's amazing what AIDS Ride will do for your spoken inhibitions. Jill, watching all the lavender lads: "There's so much eye candy and that's ALL it will ever be!" Stacey: "Opal-Dawn! More eye candy! Come on!" Nan: "When did I last pee?!? Oh my god, I have to pee! I mean, I don't have to, but I'm supposed to! When was it? Oh god, I should have peed! When did I pee last?" After urination paranoia set in. Everyone: "Christine! Christine! Christine! What do we do now? This person wants to talk to you? Is your radio on? What do we do now? Where are we going? Why are we getting back on the bus? Where are we going? What do we do now? Is it going to rain tonight? Christine! Christine! Christine!" Chris: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Chris: "Oh my god, Steven, I'm sorry. I just farted." She then runs out of our tent. Steven: "Will somebody PLEASE help me with my zipper?" During the "eye of the hurricane" Friday night. Chris: "Ah-hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha" For five minutes, while I tried to re-open the tent in Richmond. Chris: "Don't they call that a golden shower?" Don't ask. Random person (possibly Phyllis) to Chris: "Oh my god, he knows all the words!" As Steven sang "The Rainbow Connection" through a bullhorn on Sunday. Steven to rider: "Do you need some help?" Rider: "I can't find my luggage." Steven: "Well, what does it look like?" Rider: "It's a black duffel bag with a rolled-up blue foam mat on the outside." Steven (realizing he just described 90% of the luggage before him): "Oh, shit." Chris (as she removed her bra): "I know you're gay, but would you please turn your head?" Steven: "Are you serious? It's pitch black and my glasses are off." |
| AIDS Ride 2001 - Five of the hardest days of my life. I know, I know. Context helps. Volunteer next year and you'll understand. |
| Try not. Do or do not. There is no try. |