| The fantastic moiety of ballroom dances rivals that of student activities at the University of Maryland - there's something for everyone. Laugh if you must, but my sister is my dance partner. Sibling privilege allows us to fight incessantly and still have fun. Modern is our best division, the one which outfits itself with fantastically expansive gowns adorned with feathers and sequins, and come in colors commonly found in a "Paas' Easter Egg Coloring Kit." The tango is a dance of passion accompanied by a subtle hatred of your partner. The trick of the tango is to look as serious as possible without blowing your carotid artery. Your heads are angled completely away from each other, hinting at the presence of halitosis. The most difficult by far is the Viennese Waltz. You are required to pivot about each other while moving along the line of dance without bearing down on your fellow competitors. Do not eat before trying this at home. If it's speed and distance you're looking for, then the Quickstep is for you. I have a habit of approaching escape velocity, courtesy of extremely long legs, and Lynne's feet only touch the ground for spin turns as we change direction. The Foxtrot, or the Fred and Ginger dance, is our best. A graceful dance of pleasure, it is best pulled off accompanied by an LSD smile. Our routine opener is such that not even France produces enough wine to properly complement the Velveeta Factor. As we move on to Latin dances, you'll notice the costumes change somewhat. I give up my tuxedo for purple pants and a sequined vest even more on fire than I am. Lynne, being one of the most well-endowed ballroom dancers in our club, opted out of the dresses whose necklines and slitted hemlines end far beyond the boundaries of even the most testosterone-enhanced imaginations. The Swing, or Jive, is essentially a highly-evolved Jitterbug, and it has been only recently that I am able to perform the dance sans a pained expression. Lynne and I have only just caught on to the Latin attitudes, which include the "You-can't-touch-this-hot-shit-Cha-cha-cha" and the "Just-act-like-you-want-to-fuck-me-Rhumba." Try doing the dance of love with your sister. Ballroom dance has become staggeringly popular in the college circuit and is one of my favorite social activities. Do not allow the attitudes and fancy competition steps to petrify you. If you can count to four, you can do it on wood floors, just like the rest of us. |
| In September of 1994, I saw a table set up for a new ballroom dance club forming on campus. I ran around the corner, called my sister Lynne and asked her if she wanted to take the classes they offered with me. Eight weeks later, we were shaking uncontrollably in front of judges at our very first competition at Catholic University in Washington, DC. (At right is a short piece I wrote for my Classic style class in college.) Currently experimenting with Argentine Tango in Chicago. |
| a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... |
| NEWS FLASH! Ballroom Dancers do it on wood floors! |
| ...more to come |
| A Contact Sport in Formal Wear |
| Shall we dance? On a bright cloud of music... |
| (film at eleven) |
| Fantastic Light-Tripping Arenas |
| Chevy Chase Ballroom, Washington, DC Du-Shor Dance Studio, Bethesda, MD Hollywood Ballroom, Silver Spring, MD Virginia Ballroom, Fairfax, VA The Dance Factory, Arlington, VA currently on the hunt for someplace in Chicago |
| Fantastic Light-Tripping Tunes |