This sign was created due to the large number of accidents attributed to drivers shielding their eyes from this disgusting spectacle. Can usually been seen posted outside old peoples homes when the pharmaceutical man gets his cyanide and ecstasy tablets muddled up.

(What Idiot came up with that sign?)

There has been a recent plague of mole attacks on HGVs, this has been sparked off by a disagreement over the noise generated by trucks from a limestone quarry in Yorkshire passing a nearby mole colony. The Moles consequently complained to their local Labour MP, who responded by saying that loud noises were actually really lovely and they should stop protesting as he knew what was best for them and that he had conclusive intelligence saying that noise was lovely. They then complained to a Conservative MP who was outraged, spouted off a lot about the importance of community, and set about solving the problem by lowering taxes (this resulting in more lorries due to lower fuel duty). As a last resort they complained to their Lib Dem MP, he was very concerned and campaigned heavily to reduce noise pollution, but no gave a rat’s arse, namely because his campaign consisted of him, some moles and a couple of lost Japanese tourists looking for the toilet. Consequently the Moles have resorted to Guerilla tactics, and in response the quarry companies have blown up various mole settlemants. A resistance movement still lives on however and no doubt we shall see further action in the future. At least I think it was moles, it may have been Yorkshire folk, either way someone got blown up.

There are several theories as to what the cause of the random cutting in half of these cars. One camp believes it is due to the fact a large proportion of caravans are believed to be owned by gypsies, whose pikeyness makes their cars more susceptible to splitting in half, as they have probably sold the bolts in exchange for mind embittering drugs. Another camp believes this phenomenon is due to escaped chainsaws, who subvert cheese knives to cut cars in half. The final camp believes the car has not been cut in half but that it is one of those newfangled Japanese cars, the shape of which is completely screwed up but it doesn’t matter because the laws of aerodynamics don’t apply to Japanese people.

(in case you don’t live in Britain our hospitals are renowned for their massive waiting lists)

(Someone may have already come up with this one, as it is a pretty obvious one but hey)

(a yd being a measurement of distance, 300 of which is just far away enough for no one to care)

(Another well thought out new labour initiative)

(incase you don’t go to my school her hair cut leaves something to be desired, namely more hair, and suggests she is of the same orientation as Mr Huet)

Flattened bowler hats were introduced to curb the ever present speeding motorists in inner city areas. The parabolic subatomic nature of a flattened bowler hat allows it to stand up to loads of several tonnes and has proved to be an extremely effective slowing device. However their regular use has lead to several tragic accidents, where men in bowler hats had been surfacing from drains via man hole covers in the road. Motorists thought they were a speed hat and tragedy resulted.

(Sounds suspicious to me)

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