The Holy Scriptures of Monkeybananaism

Monkeybananaism as I’m sure you are aware is one of the world’s great religions here is the first ever scripture compiled by the prophet Buggery Jones.

In the beginning there was chaos, it was disorganised, dangerous out of control, hateful, born of suffering, with the instructions in Chinese and worst of all it was Swedish. It was a flatpack from the Multiverse’s local Ikea. However from this mess arose the greatest story ever told (with the exception of the one about the three little pigs) The flat pack was taken by the almighty one the almighty heavenly, lord of lords…Richard Branson. From this flat pack he made the universe (although it was meant to be coffee table) and on the earth he made the monkey in his own image. Later he ordered the monkey to create the banana, which could fly around the world as well as he could.

However all was not rosy in the world and war broke out between the two great races when a banana ate the chief monkey. Monkeys and bananas fought for many years but mr branson got pissed off so he sent a flood to kill all of them, but the monkeys joined forces with the bananas and kicked his arse. He escaped never to be seen again. The monkeys and bananas celebrated their union by joining together in an erotic fashion creating the one monkeybanana god. They then ascended into heaven only leaving the stupid ones who forgot their holy escalator passes. Monkeybanana then created humans in his/her image and so we couldn’t kick its arse it removed the holy escalator and replaced it with the escalator to no where.

That’s the story of creation

This manuscript was created on a holiday fellowship holiday where I was so ludicrously bored I well wrote that which pretty much says it all.

I would like to state that I mean no offence to any religion (except Mormons) as I have great respect for all religions (except Mormons) and am a religious person myself