Entry 15 - Steggn vs. the Salad



	The Files Entry 15: Steggn vs. the Salad On the quest to make Americans a healthier breed of people, Agent Number 9 suggested that "Steggn" should sit back and have a healthy snack. Their conversation is filed below. *Note: Names and screen names have been changed to protect the innocent.*

LeafyGreenSalad: hello, would you like a leafy green salad? Pearl22222: maybe, who might this be? LeafyGreenSalad: a leafy green salad..can't you tell? LeafyGreenSalad: brb i need to freshen up my dressing a bit Pearl22222: you do that Pearl: so, besides a leafy green salad, who else might this be? LeafyGreenSalad: back! LeafyGreenSalad: a fresh leafy green salad? Pearl: not quite the answer i was looking for... Pearl: especially considering that salads do not hold the capability to type LeafyGreenSalad: how do you know that LeafyGreenSalad: i could be a mutant salad LeafyGreenSalad: you wouldn't like fingers in your salad? Pearl: even still, a mutant salad would probably not type coherently LeafyGreenSalad: excuse me, but have you ever MET a mutant salad LeafyGreenSalad: you happen to be offending me right now LeafyGreenSalad: i am a very intelligent heap of vegetable matter here Pearl: beg your pardon LeafyGreenSalad: granted LeafyGreenSalad: so what do you like on your salad? Pearl: not fingers LeafyGreenSalad: hmm LeafyGreenSalad: tomatoes? cheese? bacon bits? Pearl: all of the above LeafyGreenSalad: what else? LeafyGreenSalad: what would you like to see me wearing? Pearl: speaking as a salad, any of the above, as a person, preferably clothing LeafyGreenSalad: well since i'm a salad LeafyGreenSalad: .... LeafyGreenSalad: mmm but i want to be all tasty for you LeafyGreenSalad: eat me Pearl: why do you want me to eat you, is there no one else online LeafyGreenSalad: no i just long for you to eat a healthy, nutrious snack LeafyGreenSalad: yummy yummy! Pearl: do i happen to know this, er, type of salad personally LeafyGreenSalad: um...what does personally translate as? LeafyGreenSalad: i'm not a loose salad, if that's what you mean Pearl: ha ha Pearl: no seriously LeafyGreenSalad: i am serious LeafyGreenSalad: don't eat me for money LeafyGreenSalad: please Pearl: as am i LeafyGreenSalad: hmm LeafyGreenSalad: i wish to directly connect and show u a hint as to what type of salad i am LeafyGreenSalad: can i do so? Pearl: sure LeafyGreenSalad wants to directly connect. Pearl's software does not support sending and receiving IM images. LeafyGreenSalad: that's not nice Pearl: ok is there any person with this salad LeafyGreenSalad: you can be w/ this salad, if you like Pearl: i just want to seriously know the person LeafyGreenSalad: well, if you'd like, you can get to know me Pearl: just the person for now LeafyGreenSalad: i don't smoke, i don' t drink, and i like being covered in vinegar dressing Pearl: that's fun, i'd probably prefer some chocolate or whipped cream maybe LeafyGreenSalad: on a salad?? LeafyGreenSalad: ohhh you're sick LeafyGreenSalad: what about some nice firm tomatoes? LeafyGreenSalad: cause i've got those, you can be sure of it LeafyGreenSalad: ;-);-) Pearl: if that's what you want to call them, then sure LeafyGreenSalad: oh yes LeafyGreenSalad: just don't squeeze them too hard LeafyGreenSalad: i wouldn't want to juice on you Pearl: surely not LeafyGreenSalad: u could nibble on them if you'd like LeafyGreenSalad: just don't puncture the skin Pearl: i'm just wondering, do salads have genders? LeafyGreenSalad: salads have lettuce LeafyGreenSalad: salads have toppings LeafyGreenSalad: salads do not have sexual organs, no LeafyGreenSalad: so sorry to disappoint you Pearl: ah i see LeafyGreenSalad: yes LeafyGreenSalad: but i am open to delicious orgies, if you take my meaning LeafyGreenSalad: healthy food Pearl: no i don't think i do LeafyGreenSalad: ohhhhhhhhh yeah baby LeafyGreenSalad: come on and get into it LeafyGreenSalad: vitamins LeafyGreenSalad: minerals Pearl: haha this sounds like someone i know LeafyGreenSalad: don't they make you feel gooood Pearl: samson ha (EDITOR'S NOTE: Steggn is referring to Josh Samson, an alledged sex fiend.) LeafyGreenSalad: oh really? you mean a salad you've eaten lately? LeafyGreenSalad: samson? LeafyGreenSalad: biblical character? Pearl: no, like a human being LeafyGreenSalad: just how old are you Pearl: how old are you LeafyGreenSalad: i'm not old at all!!! LeafyGreenSalad: ARE YOU SAYING THAT MY LEAVES AREN'T FRESH??? Pearl: and what if i were? LeafyGreenSalad: i'd be offended and hurt deeply LeafyGreenSalad: in fact, i'd never be able to show my cucumber in public again Pearl: i really don't care, because salads technically don't have feelings LeafyGreenSalad: but i'm not any regular salad LeafyGreenSalad: i can type, remember? Pearl: oh well that's not my problem Pearl: you imed me, not vice versa LeafyGreenSalad: i'm just lookin for some love here Pearl: therefore you opened yourself up to whatever i feel like dishing out LeafyGreenSalad: you're insensitive to vegetables LeafyGreenSalad: grr Pearl: try some fruit LeafyGreenSalad: do you like fruit? Pearl: maybe LeafyGreenSalad: would you like a fruit salad then? LeafyGreenSalad: strawberries...watermelon...how mouth watering Pearl: i like fruit salad better Pearl: but this is getting annoying LeafyGreenSalad: ohhhh yeah LeafyGreenSalad: how so? LeafyGreenSalad: you don't like healthy foods? Pearl: no i like fat LeafyGreenSalad: are you fat? Pearl: yeah LeafyGreenSalad: well eat more salads then Pearl: i don't like salad and i want to be fat LeafyGreenSalad: tsk tsk LeafyGreenSalad: you're lucky i'm not richard simmon's sald LeafyGreenSalad: salad that is LeafyGreenSalad: i'd be whoopin your butt into shape Pearl: whose salad are you? LeafyGreenSalad: yours if you want me LeafyGreenSalad: which doesn't sound like you do Pearl: no i don't; i just want to know your owner now LeafyGreenSalad: my owner? LeafyGreenSalad: excuse me i happen to be a free salad LeafyGreenSalad: people eat of me as they wish LeafyGreenSalad: i belong to no one human Pearl: well do so as you wish, but i am wondering why you chose me to talk to as opposed to anyone else LeafyGreenSalad: because you are just so stunning LeafyGreenSalad: i figured you'd want to talk to a salad LeafyGreenSalad: ;-) hey hey there Pearl: right. LeafyGreenSalad: you don't like me LeafyGreenSalad: i am saddened LeafyGreenSalad: i will go and spread my healthfulness elsewhere LeafyGreenSalad: taa taa, buns!

		So ends this chapter in The Files. To go back to The Files, click here. To go to the Moose Homepage, click here. To go to the Secret Agency Homepage, click here.

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