Photo by Estelle Keech, 1940,
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Submission and Surrender

arani was doing a little surfing around the web the other day, and in a search engine typed in the words "submission" and "psychology." Of course, she got a lot of sites relating to how to submit an article/thesis/manuscript to a psychological conference/journal/other publication. But she did get a few articles that were related more to lifestyle matters, be they BDSM or Gor. And there were a few that were not related to either one, but still made for informative and inspiring reading.

One of the latter articles that arani found was at a site for the "Center for Energetic Psychology." It was entitled, "The Difference Between Surrender and Submission," and was written by Dr. Jodi Prinzivalli. This article had nothing at all to do with BDSM or Gor, but instead addressed the teaching of the Sufi religious group (a sect of Islam) on surrender to a "Divine Will." As arani read the article, however, something struck her very profoundly. Many of the concepts expressed therein spoke to what arani has come to believe about her surrender to the Man who owns her heart. she showed the article to her Master, and He also saw the similarities.

During her years among the Gorean community, arani has seen various uses of the terms "submission" and "surrender." Many slaves speak proudly of their "submission" to their Masters, while others prefer the term "surrender." While arani does believe that there are subtle differences between the two terms, as they are applied to a Master/slave relationship, she herself has often used them inter-changeably. Many Goreans denigrate the term "submission," however Norman used that term frequently in his own writings.

Some people speak of the different "levels of submission," of which the surrender of a slave is one end of the spectrum. Others say that "submission" is the act, while "surrender" is the feeling that comes with the act or inspires it. Basically, though, many of the differences can be chalked up to semantics; a person who speaks of her "submission" may be referring to exactly the same emotions and/or motivations as another person who speaks of her "surrender."

In her article, Dr. Prinzivalli defines the surrender of the Sufis to the Divine Will in this way: "the complete annihilation of the lower self into the Higher and the ability to move only and exclusively by the order from Allah as opposed to the desires of the self." She goes on to address some of the common misunderstandings related to this belief. Sometimes surrender to God is confused with relinquishing personal autonomy or responsibility in the world, or with submission to the spiritual teacher's personality. These people think they need to ask their teacher about every little detail and every move they make in the world. This causes much pain and frustration, and the student ends up not discovering the very freedom they are searching for.

How many times have we seen this struggle in a new slave (or sometimes a not-so-new slave)? There is a misconception that slavery is all about obedience, whether to a Master or to the Free in general. Yes, a slave is to obey at all times, absolutely. But it goes much deeper than that, and it is only when she discovers this that a slave experiences the true freedom that comes from surrender to a Master.

Dr. Prinzivalli goes on to speak of some things that are necessary for a person to remain with a spiritual teacher and still find the "freedom of joy in God." The first of these is the necessity of having a self. In other words, one must have a sense of self in order to be able to surrender that self. When one does not have sufficient ego strength that a differentiated self can be found, there is no self to be given up, and this is sometimes termed "premature surrender." These people are at a great risk for abuse and victimization, because they have no central place for decision within themselves. If all personal power is given to a leader in such a way, that leaves the door open for abuse of that power by the leader.

This concept applies very profoundly to slavery. A woman has to know herself, in order to totally surrender herself. She has to know what it is inside her that compels her to surrender totally to the will of a Man, so she is not just a ship left adrift in the ocean of life without a pilot. Or a ship that can be pulled mindlessly in any direction. So often, these are the girls who wind up collared to the wrong Man, for the wrong reasons. They end up hurt and confused, rather than experiencing the true joy of slavery.

Dr. Prinzivalli has this to say about submission: "Submission asks that you give up your personal will, your heart's truth, and your soul's true light in payment for a perceived payback, whether it be financial support or spiritual sustenance. It is an unconscious bribe. There is always a motivating force behind it for both parties. And it always involves a relationship of unequal power; the one with more perceived power, be it financial spiritual or otherwise subconsciously agrees to provide some form of care for the one of lesser power." She speaks of relating to God and our spiritual teachers in the same way that we once related to our parents.

How many times has a woman submitted to a Master because she wants someone to care for her, to tell her what to do, to give her direction in her life? There's nothing at all wrong with this. It is a very vital part of the Master/slave relationship. But there can be so much more. We should not become slaves because of what WE can get out of the relationship. Neither should we become slaves because of what we can GIVE. Rather, we should become slaves because of what we ARE, and what we can BE.

According to Dr. Prinzivalli, surrender involves not a losing of ourselves within another, but the finding of our true selves and a greater knowledge of who we really are. When we surrender to the Greater Divine Truth, we return ourselves to the substance of what we are made of, and eliminating all those outside influences that can distract us from that. We feel whole, and complete.

However, when we submit to another, we are actually giving a piece of ourselves away. How many times have we heard that submission is the greatest gift that can be given to a Master? But what actually happens when we do this is that we become fragmented. We give away responsibility for our own lives to another, and at that moment we cease to become an adult. We are dependent on that other person just as a child is dependent on its parents. She speaks of the "tears of submission," which can be painful and unfulfilling, and contrasts these with the "tears of surrender," where we recognize that something we have yearned for all of our lives is finally happening.

In the end, though, this is a personal decision. We must listen to our hearts, and act from the guidance and wisdom that we have received from others. But we must not place the words of others above the words of our own inner selves. Others can help us understand, but they cannot make these decisions for us.

arani has heard it said many times that slavery is not something you DO, it's something you ARE. Yes, you can obey and do your best to be pleasing. But are you doing that because some book said you should, because you are a woman and He is a Man? Are you doing it because you like it when He tells you what a good slave you are? Are you doing it because you feel safe? Are you doing it because it is fun? All of these are very good and valid reasons. But they should not be the primary reason. That has to come from your heart. You need to ask yourself not only, "Why am I a slave?" But also ask yourself, "Why am I THIS Man's slave?" For it is in finding the answer to this that you will find true peace and joy.

© arani_CsA, 4/27/2003

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