arani has met both Masters and slaves off line. In each case, she followed a few steps that made things not only safer, but simpler. Yes, she also ignored some things she had been advised to do, by her friends and family. Luckily, there were no adverse consequences.
First of all, let's say that you have been spending a lot of time talking to a particular Master. Or, it could be a slave who has become a very good friend. Either way, you wish to meet in person. You need to spend a lot of time planning this meeting, making sure that both parties do certain things.
Be VERY sure that you know this person inside and out. That means personal and identifying information. When arani travelled to meet her first Master, she knew His real name, where He worked, what His address was, all three of His phone numbers, the license number of His car, and how to reach His family and co-workers. she also had two photographs of Him. This may seem like an intrusion. But when it comes to your personal safety, you can't be too sure. Don't be afraid to ask that Master to provide you with this kind of information, as well as references. Any good Master who truly cares about your safety and well-being will be glad to give you such. And be sure that you give Him the same courtesy.
Make sure that first meeting is in a public place. There truly is safety in numbers. If things go well, you can then move to a more private location. Also, make sure there is at least one person who knows where you are going, and has a copy of the personal information that you have received about the person you are meeting. Plan ahead of time to have a contact person, whom you will call once you have arrived at your scheduled meeting place, after you have been there a while, and after you have left.
This may sound rather silly, but it's not necessary to have sex on that first meeting. Have a nice dinner, go for a walk, or just sit and talk. No matter how well you think you know a person, there are things that you can only learn while actually being with him/her in a physical sense. There's nothing wrong with going out to dinner, and then each of you going back to your own hotel rooms for the night.
Oh, and health issues are something else that should be discussed at length. Don't be afraid to ask your Master if He's had an AIDS test, or if there are any other health concerns that you should be aware of. Hey, this is a new millenium. STD's are far too prevalent in this day and age, and we should all be on the alert. Use the same precautions here that you would take before having sex with any man.
The above precautions apply when meeting anyone off line. There are also some things you should do to ensure your safety when it comes to a Master/slave relationship.
The two of you should have long talks and discuss just what will be expected of you during this meeting. Is this simply to be a get-acquainted session, or are you going to be expected to serve Him in some way? And exactly HOW are you going to be expected to serve Him? You both need to be on the same wavelength here. You may go into the situation thinking that this is to be a nice quiet romantic dinner, only to find that He has other plans.
You need to set down some very specific ground rules as to what will be expected of you and what, if any, rights you will have. Now, wait a minute, you say. Slaves don't have any rights. Yes, you most certainly do; you have the rights that He grants you. And now is the time to do some negotiation; after the deed is done it will be too late.
And as long as you're finding out how your Master will expect you to serve Him, you need to be talking about sexual services as well. Now, there are those who will assert that Gor has nothing to do with BDSM. Well, arani has been around Gor a bit, and knows that there are plenty of people in Gor who enjoy fetish play and S/M. No, not every Master does. this one has been with Masters who enjoy very "normal" sex, with the proviso that He is very much in charge.
Before this one met her current Master, they had many long talks along these lines. she visited a D/s site and found questionnaire that listed quite a number of sexual practices, some of them things that arani had never heard of. she filled out this questionnaire, putting down which things she had participated in, which she had not, and how she felt about each of them. Together, after much discussion, she and her Master came up with a list of what she would be expected to do, what limits He would allow her, and what things were negotiable for the moment.
Limits? Did this one just say limits? Slaves are not allowed limits in Gor. Oh, yes they are. However, there's a difference between a submissive who asserts her own limits, and a Master who places limits on Himself out of consideration for His property. Yes, there were certain things that arani's Master told her He would expect of her, with no questions asked. But this one had been very open with Him about her lack of experience in these matters, as well as some physical and health matters that were of importance.
A slave should have serious doubts about a Master who refuses to take her physical and mental health into consideration. There are certain practices that might be downright dangerous if a slave has a bad heart, or might cause her excessive pain if she has mobility problems. Then, too, what about the slave who has a history of abuse? Pushing her into certain things might cause a catastrophic reaction on her part. These are all things that need to be discussed at length before any meeting.
Another must for any meeting that will involve service is a safe word. Don't let anyone try to tell you that Gorean slaves are not allowed safe words. This is not only a matter of personal protection, it is actually a service to your Master. There are certain practices that may involve pain.........there's a big difference between the pleasure that goes along with the slave's submission to pain (both for Master and slave) and pain that is an indication of pending injury. Pain serves a purpose; it tells us when we are pushing our body past the limits of what is possible or beneficial for us.
arani was given a safe word by both Masters she served off line. The slave's use of a safe word may be viewed as a service to the Master. As perceptive as He may be, He is not able to ascertain what the slave is feeling at all times. Let's face it, some practices are both strenuous and stressful for the body and the mind. A Master and slave need to have both a "slow" word and a "stop" word for these times. And, don't forget a gesture that communicates the same thing, for times when a slave is unable to speak for one reason or another.
Now, arani is going to say something that some people in Gor will find shocking, and will disagree with whole-heartedly. A slave does not HAVE to sleep with a Master, unless of course she wears His collar. Yes, a slave is to serve All. But she is also to use a little common sense.
If a slave goes around sleeping with every Master who orders her to, she is opening herself up for a lot of hurt. STD's are running rampant in today's society. And slave wine may be in general use on Gor, but here on Earth the only 100% effective means of birth control is abstinence. So, think about what you're doing, and don't be afraid to protect yourself. Because, chances are, no one else is going to do it for you.
arani wishes you success, and much joy, in your service--both on and off line.
© arani_CsA, 9/18/2000
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