| Jokes Page 3 |
| Heres our 3rd effort at makin u guys and girls laugh so ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Things Never to say to a police officer I cant reach my licence unless u hold my beer Hey u must of been goin 125mph to keep up with me NICE JOB You're not gonna check the boot are you I pay your wages I wasnt speedin i was tryin to keep up with the other traffic. Yes i know there was no others cars around, thats how far ahead they were When the officer says "Hey Sir your eyes look red have you been drinking?" Your probably shudnt reply "Gee officer your eyes look glaced have u been eating dougnuts?" THINGS I HATE ABOUT PEOPLE When people point at their wrist asking for the time " Look i know where my watch is, Do I point at my dick when i ask where the toilet is?" When your watching a film and someone says " Did ya see That?" No i paid a fiver to come in here and watch the fuckin floor When your waiting for a bus and someone asks you if it has gone by yet? " Of corse it hasnt gone past yet if It had wud I be standing here?" This rabit is running along when he comes across a giraffe rolling a fat joint. He goes over to the Giraffe and says "You don't wanna do that, it's bad for you, why don't you come for a run with me?" "I suppose you're right", says the Giraffe, and they go off running together. A short while later they come across a snake. The snake is making a line of coke and is just about to snort it when the rabbit says "You don't wanna do that, it's not good for you. Come for a run with me." The snake looks at the coke in front of him and agrees with him. So the three of them set off running (The snake is obviously not running but slithering next to them) After a while they come across a lion. The lionis hot-spooning heroin. The rabbit says "You definately don't want to do that. It's lowest of the low. Come running with us." At this point the lion jumps up and beats the shit out of the rabbit. The giraffe and snake are appaled by this attack, and ask him why the fuck he did that. The lion replied, "Every time that cunt is on Ecstacy he wants me to run with him!!!" This guy suspects his wife is cheating on him. He comes home early and she meets him at the door in a bathrobe, her hair a mess. "Where is he?" he shouts. "Where's the guy who's been sleeping with you?" "I don't know what you're talking about" she says so he tears the house apart looking for this guy. Finally he's on the second floor, in the kitchen, he looks out the window and sees some guy sitting in a Volkswagen. "Aha!" he thinks, "That's the guy who's been sleeping with my wife." He's so furious he picks up the refrigerator, throws it out the window at the guy, has a heart attack and dies. So St. Peter meets him at the gates of Heaven and asks "What are you doing here?" The guy says "Well, I knew my wife was cheating on me so I came home eartly from work, saw him sitting in his Volkswagen out on the street, threw the refrigerator at him, I had a heart attack and died." St. Peter says "You don't belong here; go to Hell." He pulls a big lever, a trap door opens up and the guy disappears. A few minutes later another guy comes up to St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter asks "What are you doing here?" The guy says "I don't know! I was just sitting in my Volkswagen, minding my own business, when suddenly somebody throws a refrigerator at me." St. Peter wags his finger and says "I heard about you... you go to Hell too." He pulls the lever and the guy disappears. A few minutes later another guy comes up to St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter asks "What are you doing here?" The guy says "I don't know! I was just sitting in a refrigerator, minding my own business..." A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also do a gramme of charlie a day, a spliff every night, a case of whiskey a week, eat junk food, and never exercise, and do pills on the weekend." "That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?' "Twenty-six." Q:How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:That's not funny A mom and dad were caught having sex on the couch by their little girl. The daughter asked mommy what she was doing and the mommy said that they were baking a cake. Days pass and the little girl walks up to the mommy and asked, "were you and daddy making a cake last night?" and the mommy asked, "yes, why" and the daughter said, "I just licked the frosting off the couch" There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants. He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.'' She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed. One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''. The man standing next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?'' ''Yes,'' she said, ''how did you know?'' He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!'' |