One of the most basic needs that we humans express is a drive to connect with one another socially. Such contacts are so vital to our emotional well-being that psychological and even physical maladies can arise when denied this basic requirement.  A social relationship that is personal, ongoing, trusting and mutually satisfying is called a friendship. Friendship is also commonly regarded as a relationship between two more or less equal partners where a significant range of the participants’ personalities are brought forth. This is to be differentiated from a use-relationship (or ‘useship’) where people are manipulated for certain ends.  A store clerk and customer relationship is an example of a useship.  Friends may occasionally use one another to one’s benefit but to a limited extent, and useships can also gain when a small degree of friendship enters it; but woe unto the store clerk who discusses friendly matters at the expense of his service role!

Also, the individual who takes advantage of a friendship solely to manipulate another, violates a personal trust.

It is this last point that concerns us most. Christian missionaries have developed proselytizing tactics that involve developing friendships designed to manipulate Jews and other non-Christians into hearing their “witness” or religious propaganda that is intended to sway us into converting. This is not meant to develop a mutually appreciative relationship for its own sake, but as a subterfuge for the purpose of conversion.

This article explores missionary motivation for developing such useships disguised as friendships, methods they employ, moral and ethical implications, and blocking strategies, all of which have clear ramifications for anyone in contact with Evangelical Christians.

In centuries past Christian missionaries used the direct approach to “witnessing”. This involved simply engaging in a useship to get us to convert. Catholic priests once barged into synagogues on our Sabbath to deliver forced sermons about accepting their religion.. The medieval Catholic Church also set up debates that Jews couldn’t afford to lose (as this would result in forced conversion) and we couldn’t afford to win either (as the prize for this was exile or death). For a century or two all of American and European Christendom made the baptismal certificate the passport into western Gentile society. More recently, after democratic countries passed laws forbidding official discrimination against Jews wishing to remain such, missionaries delivered their witness by means of the hard sell approach. This meant personal face-to-face sermonettes or diatribes proclaiming their messiah or the wonders of “salvation”. In the 1960’s the times were a-changin’ and Jews were completely alienated by standard missionary come-on’s such as: “If you were to die tonight where you do do think you’d spend eternity?” and “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life!” It was then that useships became useless and the only remaining option for the missionary was to subtly woo the Jew into a position where their gospel could be advertised. Then as now, their ultimate hope remains that all Jews will convert. Yet declaring this in a direct and forthright manner gets them nowhere, so now the appearance of friendship is the present-day tool used to advance the missionary’s cause. Missionary organizations have been publishing books and audio classes advising their supporters on the most effective way to attract Jews in this day and age. Jews for Jesus put out a book, written by the Reverend M. and Ceil Rosen¹. First, they warn Christians that various words, phrases and subjects that are common in Gentile society, will offend Jews. Christians should not say “Jew” but rather “Jewish” or “Jewish person”. “Jewish bankers”, “Jewish control of newspapers”, “Jewish money” and “Jew ‘em down” are examples of offensive phrases. Also the aspiring missionary should not use words common in Christian jargon such as “born again, blood of the Lamb, holy trinity, cross, church, convert, Christian, Savior, saved”.   Rosen emphasizes never to use the words “mission” or “missionary”.²   Then Reverend and Mrs. Rosen present the prime thrust in winning Jewish souls. They urge that proselytizing should be done only with one’s friends.

But what if a Christian wants to convert a Jew whom he doesn’t know? The answer is simple, say the Rosens: “If you want to witness to a person whom you do not know, form a friendship first. As little as five minutes of pleasant conversation can be the basis of a lasting friendship. Let your Jewish contact know that you like him as a person. If it takes all of the first meeting to cultivate a friendship, this will not be time wasted. Don’t be too eager; you can’t catch a fish until it nibbles ... Show by your conversation and actions that you like him as a person. Seek out common interests, such as hobbies, employment, or neighborhood activities as a basis of conversation. Anyone is usually pleased to talk about his family, his achievements, or his pet interests. Encourage your Jewish friends to talk, and be a good listener. Even if you are only able to do 10 percent of the talking, it’s not how much you say, but what you say during your allotted time that counts.”³

Many Christians wholeheartedly proclaim that they love Jews yet nearly all of these engage in overt or covert missionary activity toward us. Such “love” can rightly be called into question for this may well be another lure in their bag of tricks. The Rosens address this issue in a way that makes their position perfectly clear: “One of the most common fallacies among witnessing Christians is that all we must do is show enough love, and a person will be won to Christ ... However, it must be realized that extending love for the purpose of evangelizing a people is not love at all, but merely bait. Love which has qualifications is just a posture and a pose ... And the Jews need the actions of love, not merely words.”⁴  On the surface this is very nice but, it’s quite clear to anyone who still retains their thinking processes, the Rosens have shifted the bait from “love” to friendship and actions. Friendship and kindly actions have become a posture and a useship in the service of catching the Jewish “fish”.  Since the Jews For Jesus missionary organizations have probably been the most influential in teaching Christians missionaries how to proselytize  that book can rightly be considered to be the primary teaching manual for the Jewish missionary efforts and this book is still available today.

The Mormon Church, officially known as The Church of Jesus Christ, Latter Day  Saints, has been using door-to-door proselytizing for years. They are famous for their pairs of squeaky-clean young men and women ringing door bells to promote their religion. What is virtually unknown outside LDS circles is that this method of proselytizing is a complete failure in bringing new blood into the organization. Yet the Church continues these two- year crusades in order to build character and faith in their missionaries. The assumption is that their young people gain something positive from having doors slammed in their faces 250 times a day! Despite this, the LDS membership has jumped dramatically in recent years and their leaders owe much of this to a new and very subtle proselytizing method.

This method was explained fully in the Church magazine Ensign, June 1974 in an article by Eberhard who was President of their Oregon Mission. Eberhard provides a 13-step program, the main pillar of which rests on slowly and deliberately developing a friendship with the targeted individual(s), ingratiating themselves by minor favors such as baby-sitting, lending tools, and running errands. Although they are warned not to enter into any direct discussion of religion until the last stages, they are instructed to selectively reveal bits of Mormon values and lifestyle slowly and cautiously. Sociologists Stark and Bainbridge⁵  report that the essential aspect of their method is in building close personal ties of friendship even before proselytizing overt. Stark and Bainbridge tell of LDS Church membership statistics for one year (1976-77) when the success rate for the door-to-door program was a miserable one-tenth of one percent, while the Eberhard 13-Step Method snagged fully 50% of those to whom it was applied.

When it comes to proselytizing Jews even the Mormon Church admits that we are a most difficult people to convert. Their success rate even under the best of conditions is (thank God!) downright dismal. For this reason they’ve devised a program tailor-made for Jews. Details of this are in a 33-page paper entitled. “Missionary Training Manual - For Use In The Jewish Proselytizing Program”. The vast bulk of this is a religio-anthropological study of American Jewry so the fledgling missionary might avoid the pitfalls of inadvertently offending his target, and not getting thrown by the peculiarities of the Jewish religion. Section 5 presents the core strategy. “In all missionary work friendshipping and member referrals are the key to more missionary contacts
“Missionaries should focus their attention on obtaining referrals from members and on encouraging members to friendship their contacts” (emphasis mine). This paper goes on to describe a tactical style very similar to the Eberhard 13-Step Program described above. Both the Mormon and JFJ methods clearly disguise a useship as a friendship in order to gain converts.

For quite while now  there is another organization that is providing tips on hooking Jewish souls. This group was originally named “The American Board of Missions to the Jews”. The ABMJ was founded in the 1890’s by Leopold Cohen who was dubbed “Rabbi” by his Christian supporters, in the Jewish community he was considered to be a scoundrel, an imposter and a cad. In the 1980’s the ABMJ slowly and almost imperceptibly changed its name to fit this friendly image, so trendy today. It is now called (inappropriately) ‘The Friends of Israel Gospel Ministry, Inc.’  One the FOIGM staff, Reverend David M. Levy, has prepared three cassette tapes⁶ with his lectures on his practical way of witnessing and converting Jews. Levy’s method involves friendshipping the potential convert exactly like the JFJ and Mormon plans. Levy’s recommendations to the grass roots Evangelical include: getting the Jew alone to avoid interference from other loyal Jewish friends who will affect his conscience, listening to the Jew’s stories and opinions, drawing out the Jew in conversation by asking him open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes-no, showing appreciation by mentioning positive things Jews have done for him personally, and finally inviting the Jew over for dinner and a social evening. Reverend Levy says that these will build confidence in the Jew. He also noted that Jews balk at Evangelicals pushing their religion so he advises the missionary to be very patient and wait, even a long time, to finally introduce the first references to Christianity.

Reverend Levy also tells his audience “Love Jewish people to life! .. Love ‘em to life!” On the surface this may seem quite innocent and even meritorious to someone unacquainted with Christian jargon, but “life” in this context is understood by the Fundamentalist Christian to mean “salvation”, and for the Jew this means “conversion”. Although Reverend Levy didn’t explicitly recommend using love as bait in missionary work, many Christians will take this as an implicit suggestion.

So how does the missionary jockey a Jew into a position to hear about Christianity? Reverend Levy tells how: “You must try to develop a friendship. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time. You start an interest in that individual.  You start to take an interest in what he's interested in.  And the key is actions not just words.  So many Christians will tell a Jewish person 'Oh, I just love your people! You're the chosen people and, oh...!’  Well, that doesn't impress the Jewish person much. He says, 'Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure."  But the words just pass through, {pause} Ladies, bake a pie! Take it to a Jewish mother or woman. Help her clean her house! (Do you know an) elderly Jewish person that can't get out? Do her grocery shopping for her! Take her with you as you go to the store. If you live in a Jewish area, ladies, and you're driving by and you see an elderly Jewish woman waiting at a bus stop, why not pick her up and take her into town or to the store? That'll leave an indelible imprint on her mind," Levy also launched into an anecdote about a missionary pastor in Alpena, Michigan, USA, who tried to sway a Jewish couple who lived next door but initially met with no success. One winter, the couple went on vacation and the day before their return a snow storm hit their town dumping 70 cm. (26 inches) of snow. The missionary pastor decided to take the initiative and clear the snow from his Jewish neighbor's walk and driveway. Upon his return the Jew asked the pastor who cleared that monumental volume from his property and the pastor answered with all humility and self-effacement that he did. Levy explained that the Jew and the pastor immediately became the best of friends. The Jew even went to that pastor's church and it's clear that the act of removing the snow opened the Jew up to his missionary attempts!

Reverend Levy instructed missionaries how to deal with a Jew who is suspicious of such tactics: "Now they might test your friendship. You will start to show interest and they don't respond. They're rather stand-offish, and you think, 'that’s strange, 1 wonder why they don't respond?' Well, in his mind he's thinking, 'What's that person trying to get from me?' And he might even say, 'What do you want from me? Why are you, a Gentile, taking such an interest in me, a Jewish person, all of a sudden?' Well, you say, 'I want to get to know you as a person.' 'We work together' or 'We live in the same area' or 'I see you in society and I just wanted to make a friendship with you, would you like to have a cup of coffee?' 'I'd like to talk to you, just to get to know you.' Try to build that friendship and be patient and wait for them to come around. Be persistent! You have to be persistent and patient!" When a Jew smells the proverbial rat and asks the missionary point-blank why he is trying to snuggle-up socially. Reverend Levy does not advise answering honestly and forthrightly that he wants to "share the Gospel" hoping for a conversion, instead Levy recommends giving any of the 6 lame excuses given above. The Mormons, Reverend and Ceil Rosen of JFJ as well as Reverend Levy not only use deceit as a standard procedure, their cassette tapes and books are designed to teach others this art of boldface lying in search of converts! For shame, all of you, for shame!  Sad to say, there are many other Christians who will consciously follow their advice and deliberately use the appearances of friendship to advance their missionary cause. For this reason a Jew simply has no choice but to be suspicious of Christians who try to develop congenial relations. When Jews discover the sly missionary intentions of their Christian "friends" there are two reactions they frequently have. Levy says that "they can argue with you. They'll say, 'Look, that's your Christian interpretation! My rabbi would never believe that way! You’re just reading your own ideas into this, and what's more, I don't want you to try to convert me' ... they go on and on and on and on. They try to scathe you up one side and down the other. But that's ok. I just let them talk! And I keep a loving sweet spirit and I keep on talking Just keep talking! As long as they're willing to talk, I'll talk. I don't care if they get red in the face and shake their fists and get excited. I just keep talking because you never know the impact you're having".

 However, the other reaction that Levy encounters is a Jew who refuses to talk and just shuts down the conversation. Reverend Levy didn't suggest any solution to such an occasion and it may be that he has none. In any case, a good tactic in dealing with the "friend" who suddenly reveals himself as a seducer is to shut-up to stonewall. A cold, icy, uncomfortable feeling should descend on a relationship in such moments and will do much to convince the missionary' that the issue is unwelcome, at least until one can politely excuse oneself and leave.

Reverend Levy has other means of getting the proverbial foot-in-the-door: "Another way (is to) attend the synagogue with your Jewish friend. Most likely he doesn't go so you might have to ask a few times.. (Say to your Jewish friend) 'I'd like to see how you worship'. You'll learn a lot. The rabbi might answer some questions concerning the ceremonial objects in the synagogue. When you leave you say to your host, 'Oh, I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. The rabbi answered many questions, but there was one question I didn’t ask him, but I'd like to ask you: How does a Jewish person recognize the messiah if he came?' (By now it should be obvious why Levy prefers to have missionaries direct this question to an ignorant Jew rather than his learned rabbi!) This request to visit a synagogue is purely a missionary tactic as the entire mainstream and many of the more obscure Christian denominations teach that Judaism and Jewish worship is spiritually inferior to theirs. With this in mind, there is nothing for a believing Christian to gain from a synagogue visit except to set the stage for evangelism and conversion. No doubt they would enjoy the service, but then many people enjoy a visit to the zoo as well!

Here's a tactic that Levy suggests that requires no comment: "Another way that you can begin a contact to witness to Jewish people is this: have a Jewish Appreciation Night in your church. If you live in an area where there are Jewish people, why not take a group to a synagogue? The pastor can call ahead and tell the rabbi he's coming. The rabbi will answer questions afterwards... what you can do is take the group to the synagogue and see how the Jewish people worship. You'll have a wonderful evening. Then the pastor can invite the group to a Jewish Appreciation Night - you don’t try to preach to them, you just tell them your love for Israel and the Jewish people. Have a coffee hour afterwards for a question and answer time. "

So how can we deal with missionaries who misrepresent themselves in the name of friendship and good relations, stealthily seeking souls? How can we know the intentions of believing Christians in social contacts without offending? Be assured that there is a way, a simple, respectful and honest method that will separate the sheep from the goats. This is a method that the author has used many times and it requires no specialized knowledge of Christianity beyond what can be described in the next few sentences. This procedure requires asking two simple and direct questions, and we don't have to be overly concerned about offending, as all the above major missionary organizations have told their clients not only to expect us to be blunt, but they've even introduced the concept of 'chutspah' to them! Besides, these are simple information seeking questions that get to the heart of the matter quickly and directly. It's advisable to ask these only when the Christian directs the conversation to religious issues, or "spiritual matters" as they like to call it. They are:

1. "Do you believe that a Jew can attain 'salvation' and go to heaven if he only practices and believes in Judaism?"

2. "Do you believe that God accepts either Judaism or Christianity as a path to Him?" , "Are both Judaism and Christianity equally acceptable religions in God's eyes?"

The answer we should look for in both of these questions is an unequivocal and blunt "yes". If there's any quibbling, redefining or saying "Yes, but..." we should take this as a definite "No" and be on our guard with that person. The reason for this is that many missionaries will veil their answer in such a way as to answer "Yes" when they mean "No".⁷ once asked a Christian these questions and he answered "Yes, if you follow the Bible." Now I continued to question him and discovered that, as far as he was concerned, "Bible" included the New Testament, and he knew full-well that I don't accept the New Testament as Scripture. Also, "following the Bible" for him meant following the teachings of Jesus and his church. In short, his "yes, if you follow the Bible" really meant "No, you must become a Christian". If the believing Christian answers "Yes" to these questions then later suggests accepting Christian beliefs, remind him that he previously asserted that Judaism was perfectly acceptable in God's eyes so there's no need for a Jew to take on anything that isn't taught by Judaism.

The sad fact is that Christians who cannot accept Jews as social equals, and Judaism as a spiritual equal to Christianity, are ones to be regarded with caution. Equally regrettable is that Jews who live in a Gentile world must be on guard against those whose religions put conversions above elementary honesty. We must guard against those who believe that the means justify the ends, in at least this area of life.

The one consolation is that when the real messiah comes there will be no need to worry about 'useships' being masqueraded as friendships.
 

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Footnotes
(1) Rev. Rosen & Rosen, Share the New Life with a Jew, (Moody Bible Inst.) Chicago, 1976.
(2) Ibid, pp. 26-28
(3) Ibid, pp. 40-41
(4) Ibid, pp. 31-32
(5) Stark & Bainbridge, "Networks of Faith: Interpersonal Bonds and recruitment to Cults and Sects", American Journal of Sociology 85, May 1980, pp. 1386-87.
(6) Reverend David M. Levy, 3 cassette tapes under the general title: "Jewish Evangelism". Tape #1: 'Knowing the American Jew"; Tape #2: 'Witnessing to Jewish People"; Tape #3: "Answering Jewish Objections". (Distributed by the Friends of Israel Gospel Ministry, Inc.) Uncopyrighted material.
(7) The late Princeton University Professor Walter Kaufinan in his book "Faith of A Heretic", [(Meridian Books, New American Library), C. 1959] deals extensively with this subject of Christians saying "Yes" when they mean "No" and vice-versa in Christian theology. See section #28ff. He brings many excellent examples of this practice in both Catholic and protestant denominations and is an excellent critique of Christianity.

This article originally appeared in the September/October 1993 issue of Biblical Polemics in the, published by the Jerusalem Institute Of Biblical Polemics by the late Director, Shmuel Golding.

Copyright 1993, revised in 2008 by Dale Baranowski. Reproduction and republishing permitted on condition that this article is reproduced in whole and not in part, and that the author be given full credit for this work.